All you need to know

https://i.redd.it/bi7ublzpz2851.jpg

created by jormundr on 30/06/2020 at 17:18 UTC

23080 upvotes, 141 top-level comments (showing 25)

Comments

Comment by tacolucky at 07/07/2020 at 20:10 UTC

335 upvotes, 28 direct replies

r/cowboyadvice

Comment by DrunkEwok4 at 04/07/2020 at 13:45 UTC

108 upvotes, 1 direct replies

Feed fellas that need feedin.

Shoot fellas that need shootin.

But most importantly: hug fellas that need hugin.

-Dutch

Comment by omer_g at 17/10/2021 at 18:26 UTC

27 upvotes, 1 direct replies

now archives are cancled so here's my comment

Comment by [deleted] at 17/10/2021 at 23:21 UTC

24 upvotes, 2 direct replies

So, last Sunday my parents made me go to church ,which made me really mad because my parents don't let me play Among Us in church.

We took our seats and the priest was up front talking about "salvation" and "holiness" or whatever. Same thing as last week.

But then, he said something that really caught me off guard. He spoke of a man who goes by the name of "Jesus."

"Jesus."

"JeSUS."

No way. I could not believe what I was hearing.

Endorphins were rushing to my brain and my body began to shiver as I let out a quiet moan.

If you didn't catch on by now, the word "Jesus" has "SUS" in it, which is a reference to the popular video game "Among Us."

"WHEN THE IMPOSTER IS SUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I screamed louder than I ever have in my life. My words echoed throughout the room for five seconds before fading into complete silence.

Everyone was staring at me as I had a huge grin on my face, perfectly replicating the face from the "when the imposter is sus" meme (Google it if you don't know what it is.)

They all had this look on their faces as if I had just slaughtered 7,924 Afghanian children.

"Why do you all have that look on your faces? Did someone do a Fortnite dance?"

And there was still complete silence. I actually had to make sure I wasn't wearing my noise cancelling headphones that I always wear while playing Among Us. I could not believe that not one person in the room was dying of laughter!!

"Young man, please be quiet" said the priest.

He was literally the one who made the Among Us reference in the first place. What's his problem?

"THAT'S NOT VERY WHOLESOME!!!!!!!!!!"

This guy was definitely the imposter. There's no way he couldn't be.

I Naruto ran faster than anyone has ever Naruto ran before. Even Naruto himself would be proud of me.

As I was making my way up to the imposter, the security guard was chasing after me!

I had to think fast.

After being chased around the room for two minutes, I hastily undid my pants and peed in the security guard's eyes. As he was being blinded by my pee, he was stumbling around and bumped into the wall very hard.

A crucifix fell off the wall and impaled his stupid, ugly fat head. He fell and a pool of blood soon formed around him.

Everyone in the church was screaming and running out the door. I slammed my hand down on the crucifix, replicating the button you press in Among Us, which drove the crucifix further into his skull.

"EMERGENCY MEETING!!!!!!!!!!!"

No one laughed. They were too busy screaming to notice. Whatever.

I stripped completely naked and went up to the priest. I replicated the Big Chungus pose with 100% accuracy.

"You probably don't even use Reddit. That's not very keanu chungus wholesome 100 of you. Go subscribe to r/atheism."

The priest had a look of shock on his face when I said that. The kind of face one would make if they caught their beloved child playing Fortnite.

He held a cross in front of himself and started talking about "possession" and "demons." He obviously doesn't know how to play Among Us so naturally, I felt bad for him.

But he was still the imposter.

I grabbed him and threw him across the church, sending him crashing through the window and slammed against the street outside. A car ran over his head, causing his brain and skull fragments to splatter everywhere.

Then, I heard sirens and a helicopter flying around above the church. I went upstairs to the roof to check out what was going on.

"This is the police! Get down from the roof now or we will shoot!"

This guy is so sus, let me tell ya.

Obviously, I was not going to listen to an imposter so I was Naruto running around the roof. Bullets from the helicopter were raining down from above but none of them hit me since I was Naruto running so fast.

"Dammit, I can't hit him!"

I knew I had him beat then.

So, I pulled out my gun (I always keep a glock in my foreskin so I can pull the Among Us death animation when I lose my virginity because I know it makes girls horny.)

I shot at the helicopter and it started spinning out of control and crashed into the front of the church, causing a huge explosion.

The roof started sliding off from the building, which landed on the cop cars and killed 8 cops. This also flung me into the street and I broke my foot, which was very sus.

I limped all the way to the woods where I am now hiding and writing this. I will update as soon as I can but I need to get out of here soon because I can hear people looking for me.

Comment by JETFIRE007 at 01/07/2020 at 01:51 UTC

10 upvotes, 1 direct replies

It's perfect.

Comment by Ilijaaa_05 at 09/08/2020 at 00:20 UTC

9 upvotes, 0 direct replies

I need karma

Comment by HugeAd3490 at 23/10/2021 at 21:05 UTC

8 upvotes, 1 direct replies

Nobody will follow this. I'm sorry but people are only here to be nasty and rebellious. This comment will likely be downvoted for speaking against it. I'm not saying this is a waste of breath but it almost is.

Comment by Significant_Ad8320 at 06/04/2023 at 12:28 UTC

10 upvotes, 0 direct replies

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Comment by YourRegularMemer_2 at 01/10/2020 at 00:48 UTC

8 upvotes, 1 direct replies

NO FUCK YOU I'LL DO WHAT I WANT THIS IS r/NORULES YOU BUFFOON

Comment by Scared-Flight5155 at 23/04/2022 at 16:48 UTC

7 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Upvote this comment so I can get comment karma 👍

Comment by canonboom123 at 15/07/2020 at 20:44 UTC

6 upvotes, 1 direct replies

I love drawfee

Comment by Ancient_Oblivion at 19/12/2020 at 16:02 UTC

5 upvotes, 0 direct replies

plot twist: he said be shootin not because of guns, but because he knows its nerf or nothin