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View submission: The NewToReddit Encyclopaedia Redditica v2
Oh dear. You got here, then. I suppose this day had to come. Ok, here we go. r/Confession is a place to admit your wrongdoings, acknowledge your guilt, and alleviate your conscience, and in January 2018, a Redditor did just that in the infamous “Poop Knife” post[1]. The original post was deleted but the comments remain[2] for ~~posterior~~ posterity.
1: https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/
Incredibly, you should know that the ‘poop knife’ is now an actual thing[3]. Complete with other related merch. You thought you’d seen it all? You have now.
3: https://www.originalpoopknife.com
Reddit, as you might expect, loves a good story about excrement and if you do too, then r/AskReddit and r/NoStupidQuestions are your dookie destinations[4] with enough poopular tales[5] and stinky surveys[6] for you to read while on the throne[7] no matter how often you go[8].
7: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ex4z9/why_do_people_read_while_shitting/
That last link references a notorious IAmA from 2011[9] which OP kindly posted a sequel to[10]. Not to be outdone, several years later r/AMA featured a similar tale of woe[11]. Even r/dataisbeautiful has gotten into the act[12] - illustrated, of course.
9: https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/jo5at/iama_guy_that_hasnt_pooped_in_the_month_of_august/
10: https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/jp44z/iama_guy_that_hasnt_pooped_in_the_month_of_august/
11: https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/dzheft/i_just_went_two_and_a_half_months_without/
The internet has always been a centre for serious debate and one of its first and longest-standing conflicts was about the correct orientation of a roll of toilet paper[13] with respect to the bathroom wall. Should the roll be either hung *over* the toilet roll holder (with the end piece being away from the wall), or *under* (with the end piece being close to the wall)?
13: https://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/the-correct-way-to-hang-toilet-paper-according-to-.html
Know Your Meme[14] traces the earliest online reference to June 1997, though the debate itself goes much further back. I was a Prefect in my Junior School in 1969 and one of my duties (heh) was to put new rolls of the very popular San Izal toilet paper[15] in the girls’ toilets every day. I distinctly recall having a debate with the Head Girl who insisted that the piece that hangs down had to be against the wall as that meant the “smooth” side kept cooler, but I disagreed for reasons I can’t recall now.
14: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/the-great-toilet-paper-debate
15: https://sheffielder.net/2020/04/02/izal-the-invisible-guardian-against-risks-to-health/
Incidentally, it was popular not because of it being toilet paper but because it made very good tracing paper. As toilet paper, it was… terrible. One side was slippery, the other side was scratchy. Similar stuff exists today[16].
Anyway, if she’s reading this now (hello, Susan), can I say I was perfectly justified in my choice as, in 2010, when I was at the grand re-opening of the refurbished Savoy Hotel in London, their toilet rolls were presented on the holders with the end piece neatly folded into a point with a shiny green “Savoy” sticker on to hold it in place, *facing outwards*. Nobody can argue with the Savoy, being the bastion of good manners and “properness” that it is. Ha.
And if that isn’t enough evidence for either Susan or you (heathen) then the original patent by Seth Wheeler, the inventor of perforated toilet paper, clearly shows the paper going up and over the roll[17].
17: https://www.businessinsider.com/patent-shows-right-way-to-hang-toilet-paper-2015-3?r=US&IR=T
Do you want Fatbergs? Because flushable wipes are how you get Fatbergs[18]. If it isn’t human waste or toilet roll, DON’T FLUSH IT, FOLKS! When it says ‘flushable’ on the packet that only means it is capable of being flushed, not that it’s advisable to flush it[19].
18: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HgpCUVyrY1g
r/nosleep is a place for Redditors to share scary stuff, and they absolutely know[20] all about fatbergs[21] and how to make them even worse than reality[22].
20: https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/pq18xf/do_you_know_what_a_fatberg_is_part_one/
21: https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/preqb9/do_you_know_what_a_fatberg_is_part_two/
22: https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/pv4lhb/do_you_know_what_a_fatberg_is_part_three/
In a vain attempt to be a little more serious after the excesses of the links in the first paragraph, here’s the bottom line (heh) on how long you can go without pooping[23] and if you want to know just what’s in the deposit you make at the porcelain bank, Vox digs all the dirt[24] with 9 surprising faecal facts.
23: https://www.healthline.com/health/how-long-can-you-go-without-pooping
24: https://www.vox.com/2015/1/22/7871579/poop-feces
Back to Reddit, and r/ibs takes a look at the Bristol stool scale[25], while r/Parenting is a place you can discuss toilet training[26] with other parents. Finally, let me leave you with a serious post from r/IAmA which discusses the realities of living after bowel cancer[27].
25: https://www.reddit.com/r/ibs/comments/rqdrdn/the_bristol_stool_scale/
27: https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/luvt2l/im_a_36yo_who_has_had_bowel_cancer_and_had_2/
r/poop: all things poop and r/ratemypoo: for rating poop. Because of course Reddit needs at least two subs on this (faecal) matter. And r/ToiletPaper.
28: https://www.reddit.com/r/NewToReddit/comments/qbb173/comment/hhconzs/
29: https://www.reddit.com/r/NewToReddit/comments/qbb173/comment/hhu337p/
There's nothing here!