https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/comments/1i1wip5/who_does_diapers/
created by Front-Economics-5497 on 15/01/2025 at 12:41 UTC*
203 upvotes, 434 top-level comments (showing 25)
Our baby is eight weeks old today and my partner has still never changed one single diaper. How normal is this? Anybody else have a partner like this or had the same experience? If so, did they eventually come around and help out?
Update: Daddy changed his first diaper tonight. Thanks for the overwhelming amount of input and general support. This kind of changed my life.
Comment by AutoModerator at 15/01/2025 at 12:41 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This post may be about pee/poop. Please do not post a diaper picture or use this post to ask for medical advice.
1: /message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents
Comment by PEM_0528 at 15/01/2025 at 12:50 UTC
1536 upvotes, 5 direct replies
Nope, my husband changes just as many if not more diapers than me. That’s wild. Our child is his child too.
Comment by Icy-Park-458 at 15/01/2025 at 13:00 UTC*
587 upvotes, 14 direct replies
I, the mother didn’t change a single diaper for like the first week and I had a rough recovery from c section
ETA: it is now pretty even, I am home all day with baby but when husband gets home he takes like 90%+ of the diapers.
Comment by APinkLight at 15/01/2025 at 12:56 UTC
340 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Both parents change diapers, because we are both her parents. Pretty simple!
My husband changes more of them if we’re both available, since I breastfeed. But we both do them.
Comment by AbbreviationsAny5283 at 15/01/2025 at 13:06 UTC
259 upvotes, 3 direct replies
Honestly, it doesn’t even matter what’s happening in our relationship. If it’s starting to irk you… it’s going to become a bigger problem. Take the opportunity to talk about it and hopefully your partner steps up.
My example, I have done every night waking and morning. That’s fine for me because I don’t sleep well and I function well on little sleep and I couldn’t sleep through the noise anyway. I do every bath. I enjoy it. That works for me but wouldn’t for others. But my partner was never doing meal time. And that was a sticking point for me so we had to talk about it. He wasn’t comfortable, worried about choking, I said he had to get over it, he did.
Comment by voldin91 at 15/01/2025 at 13:13 UTC
87 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I changed the majority of the diapers for the first 6 weeks... since my wife was recovering from surgery. After that it's been pretty 50/50
Comment by indokiddo at 15/01/2025 at 13:49 UTC
119 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Wtf lol!!! Are you kidding me??? I am a father of a 4 weeks old. I change his diaper more than my partner. I mean think about it!.. she has gone thru enough. Carried for 9 months. 30 hrs of labor. C section. And still got to breastfeed.
Im sorry but you need to have a serious talk with your partner.
But wait, OP are you the mother?
Comment by volitorial_pisciform at 15/01/2025 at 12:45 UTC
184 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Oh no! I hope the partner not changing the diaper is the birthing parent and was busy changing her own. Otherwise grow up, it’s the easiest thing you can do to help out
Comment by marjorymackintosh at 15/01/2025 at 13:14 UTC
37 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I didn’t change a single diaper for the first week and thereafter I’d say my husband still changed 70% of them because I was busy breastfeeding most of the time. Once he went back to work after a month, he changed pretty much all the diapers when he got home from work and 50/50 on weekends. So no, not at all normal. This isn’t 1955.
Comment by barebackbandit1 at 15/01/2025 at 13:45 UTC
33 upvotes, 2 direct replies
As a dad, I’m not breastfeeding so the LEAST I can do is change diapers. Our girl is 13 weeks and I change the majority of the diapers.
Comment by GlitteredChaosReborn at 15/01/2025 at 12:54 UTC
49 upvotes, 1 direct replies
My husband failed the first four months of our sons life, then one day I snapped and asked for a divorce ( an emotional affair on his part had already weakened our marriage). He asked me to give him a chance, and I reluctantly did. He's a different man now. He changes almost every diaper during the day, spends ton of time caring for our son. He helps with meal time, and helps with naps. Unless your partner as a damn good excuse, there is no reason they cannot assist in caring for their OWN child. If they can't handle changing diapers as a newborn..... They won't survive the toddler potty training trenches.
Comment by JustLooking0209 at 15/01/2025 at 13:11 UTC
17 upvotes, 1 direct replies
My husband had to teach me because I was still out of it when the nurse taught him at the hospital.
Comment by greenash4 at 15/01/2025 at 13:17 UTC
16 upvotes, 1 direct replies
My partner will change any diaper that needs to be changed while he's with the baby. Sometimes if she poops and we're both home, I'll make him change it because I'm with her all day during the week and he rarely "gets" to change a poopy diaper 🤣
So no, it's not normal not to change a diaper for 8 weeks???
Comment by brieles at 15/01/2025 at 12:54 UTC
15 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Thats crazy, your partner needs to step up-it’s just as much his baby as it is yours. My husband and I did most things 50/50 once I was physically recovered, he was doing most (if not all) of the house work, diaper changes and cooking before I was feeling better. Now that I’m a SAHM and he’s at work, I do most of the baby care but he still changes diapers when he’s home and spends time with her while I go to the gym or go get coffee a few times a week.
I don’t think this will get better without a discussion. Your partner has it easy currently and, a lot of the time, they’re not going to go out of their way to do more work if you accept them doing none.
Comment by etaylor1345 at 15/01/2025 at 13:17 UTC
13 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This is not normal. You need to put your foot down now because this kind of thing only gets worse if you don’t. This is his child too he needs to participate in the parenting instead of shoving it all off on his partner.
Comment by EducatorGuy at 15/01/2025 at 13:33 UTC
13 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I (the sperm-haver) changed 90% of the diapers until I went back to work after 3 months. Then my wife finally got her turn. Now I still change most of the diapers whenever I’m around.
Comment by Sufficient_You7187 at 15/01/2025 at 13:07 UTC
10 upvotes, 0 direct replies
He changed the first one in the hospital and has shared the responsibilities since
Comment by YoLoDrScientist at 15/01/2025 at 13:50 UTC
10 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This is unacceptable. It’s only “okay” if you allow it to be. Everything should be 50/50 when it comes to parenting (or a well discussed and agreed on split). Do not let this fly!
Comment by medibooty at 15/01/2025 at 13:33 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Me mostly, but I'm also rocking the SAHM life at the moment and he works crazy hours.
Comment by seekhelpffs at 15/01/2025 at 13:01 UTC
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
My husband has probably changed more diapers than I have in my baby's whole 12 weeks. Definitely has changed more poop diapers than I have!
Comment by OmgBsitka at 15/01/2025 at 13:02 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It's 50/50 in my house. But in the beginning, when i was recoveringand i couldnt really move my husbanddid step up and do 100% of it until i had recovered. Now i am back to working full time we spilt it pretty even. Unless my husband is working over time then i may do alot more, because I want too.
Comment by RaindropsFalling at 15/01/2025 at 13:21 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Every parental unit works differently. You need to find out what works for both of you, to where it also feels more split evenly so you don’t resent each other.
My husband WFH and I EBF. He does all the diaper changes unless he’s busy doing work, which I respect. He likes the break of seeing her and interacting with her during a stressful day. He does middle of the night diaper changes too, which helps me wake up, pee, and then feed baby. He goes to sleep right after so he’s only really up for 5 minutes at a time.
Our baby almost never fusses with him changing her, and smiles, coos and interacts. He loves it. She fusses with me waaay more often during diaper changes.
Maybe if you EBF, your partner does a nighttime bottle, or they do all of the chores and cook every night. You have to be comfortable with the split of work, and your partner needs to be comfortable doing basic parental tasks (they need to know how to change a diaper in case you aren’t there).
Comment by Character_Fill4971 at 15/01/2025 at 13:36 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Mine is 4.5 months and my husband doesn’t change diapers but he does cook dinner every night and clean the kitchen so fair enough for me 🤣
Comment by GoobyDoob at 15/01/2025 at 17:11 UTC
6 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Sounds like you get to pop a dirty diaper right on his lap. Or better yet, hand him the blown-out baby.
I couldn’t imagine not helping with my little guy. Been watching movies with him and a cup of coffee in the couch since 2am letting my wife get some well deserved rest. It’s teamwork!
Comment by MandaDPanda at 15/01/2025 at 13:11 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
My husband changed just as many diapers as I did. He did every night diaper change as I got ready to breastfeed. He did most evening diaper changes after I was with the kids all day.
However, we’re like this in our relationship. I cook, he does dishes, etc.
Talk to your partner. Before this gets to be a sticking point that festers in your brain.