47 upvotes, 1 direct replies (showing 1)
View submission: How Men Become Aziz Ansari
I've definitely been coerced into sex as a man, and more than once. There was no threat of physical violence or consequences if I didn't go along with it. It was more emotional manipulation, trying to make me feel guilty like I had led her on, or like I would seriously hurt her if I didn't. When the video mentioned the "let's just go along with it to get this over with" it resonated with my experience.
I've also been on the flip side. I remember my first girlfriend, we both were virgins and she would say "no" and push my hands away when I was touching her somewhere she was uncomfortable with. I usually persisted anyway, to my shame looking back, but I thought she was just shy and self conscious and that was the reason she was uncomfortable. And eventually she did seem to enjoy it which made it seem not so bad.
At some point years later, reflecting on that, I brought it up to her that it was maybe sexual assault. She actually got very angry with me and said how dare I compare it to sexual assault and that she remembered those moments very fondly. Which makes it all the more confusing.
Comment by anakinmcfly at 18/02/2025 at 05:55 UTC
14 upvotes, 1 direct replies
gay guy here; once, when walking down a street, a very handsome stranger slipped his arm briefly around my waist and then let go. in a way I guess it was assault, and there was a part of me that felt violated. and yet at that moment I didn’t want him to go. it was very confusing, but chances are that I would have felt very differently if he hadn’t been terribly attractive, even though that would not have changed the morality or lack of consent of the act.