39 upvotes, 4 direct replies (showing 4)
View submission: How Men Become Aziz Ansari
while also understanding they are performing a script that is often forced upon them?
Nah, man. I understand that the social pressure exists, but let's not confuse this with coercion or force. No one's forcing dudes to be assholes.
For the record, I've been the teen boy on the receiving end of all the hypotheticals young guys are afraid of. I've dealt with the crying, the guilt tripping, the "do you think I'm ugly?", the "do you even like women?", the "I feel so unattractive", all from romantic partners who were expecting their boyfriend to power through their disinterest and hound them for sex at all hours. I'm not trying to minimize that - it was traumatic. I've had partners talk about feeling suicidal because they couldn't square our (active, loving) sex life with the stories they hear from their friends or read in magazines. I've been chewed out for "not understanding the shame women feel around sex," just because I wanted actual communication from my partner. I've felt terrified that being raised right was actually hurting the people I cared about.
But you know what? That shit was unhealthy as fuck. The lesson I learned from it was not "Be more of an asshole, women expect that". It was "Stop dating and sleeping with women who haven't dealt with enough of their own internalized misogyny to be an active participant in a healthy relationship".
Young dudes gotta learn that it's okay to expect better for themselves. You're gonna have less sex and date fewer people, but it'll be made up for in spades by the quality of the people you do those things with.
Comment by lostbookjacket at 17/02/2025 at 22:09 UTC
19 upvotes, 1 direct replies
It was "Stop dating and sleeping with women who haven't dealt with enough of their own internalized misogyny to be an active participant in a healthy relationship".
Are you able to suss someone out before you're in a position to hurt them? I would think that being internalized, it can be something they're unconscious of until they have a situational reaction.
Comment by gelatinskootz at 17/02/2025 at 22:53 UTC
6 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I generally agree with what you're saying, but in the spirit of this sub- "Stop dating and sleeping with women who haven't dealt with enough of their own internalized misogyny to be an active participant in a healthy relationship" sounds like you're blaming yourself. I think a healthier way to frame this for anyone reading this is "You deserve better." That's not giving you a pass to treat people poorly, it's a recognition of the basic level of respect people should have for one another in a relationship
Comment by 1Zbychu11 at 18/02/2025 at 09:25 UTC*
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Jesus, this type of shit is violent.
Comment by blackheartwhiterose at 21/02/2025 at 12:53 UTC
0 upvotes, 0 direct replies
But you know what? That shit was unhealthy as fuck. The lesson I learned from it was not "Be more of an asshole, women expect that". It was "Stop dating and sleeping with women who haven't dealt with enough of their own internalized misogyny to be an active participant in a healthy relationship".
Hard facts right here