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View submission: Boys Want a Strong Relationship With Their Teachers. That Doesn't Always Happen
I'm a 68 (M) retired teacher. I feel too young to retire and could have benefited financially from more years working. Government scrutiny, student behavior and administrative micromanaging will keep me retired, despite being asked to return.
In addition to my duties as a teacher, I coached an academic quiz bowl team (without pay!), and staged theatrical plays annually (again, without pay). I was paid according to the published pay scale for teaching a state tested subject, an AP course and other courses.
I could go on about low pay, excessive course load (7 preps one year), isolation from my male colleges who, mostly, were athletic coaches who DID get paid. My rewards were the relationships with my students. Unfortunately, that doesn't pay the bills.
As a male teacher we learn to keep our distance from the female students and avoid the appearance of impropriety. And yet, we are expected to encourage our female students to achieve in STEM.
A quick side note. Anecdotally, I've never seen any evidence in my rigorous classes that any segment of our society is less or more capable than any other! Male or female, black or white, Protestant or Muslim, Latin or Asian . . . etc. All are capable of achieving at high levels.
Let me relate three stories that chronical the changes and pitfalls through the years
The first story occurred during my first year teaching. Students were told to create a diorama related to the topic and were allowed to work in pairs. Two young ladies asked to borrow my stapler and I allowed them to. I engaged with other students and assisted them but ultimately became aware that the girls who borrowed my stapler had not returned it and were not visible in the class. I quickly found them sequestered in a corner behind the equipment cabinet. They explained that they were trying to pierce their nipples.
My first year teaching, I felt it would be better for the female guidance counselor to handle the situation so I sent the students to her. At the end of the day I visited the guidance counselor for a report. She told me that she had advised the students to not be so cavalier with their breasts. She explained to them that such behavior could diminish the power their breasts had over boys.
That was the first and the last time I ever sent students elsewhere for counseling. Advice for any new teachers who may be reading this; handle classroom problems yourself! That will reinforce your position and gain student respect. Not to mention the avoidance of loosing respect of your administration.
The second story came years later. A preface to this story is: my actions in this story is legally unadvisable but humanly appropriate at times. A teacher who does not love their students should find a new job. It's not the pay, ease of the job, respect of the community or the student's behavior that keeps teachers teaching!
This story occurred in the cafeteria at lunch. Filled with students, teachers and other staff. I had duty and was circulating around the cafeteria when I noticed one female student sitting alone and crying. (These are high school students, 14 to 18 years old) I went to this crying young lady, sat next to her and put my arm around her shoulder. She was appreciative of my compassion and told me why she was sad and isolated. After lunch I was summoned to the principal's office and reprimanded for my actions. After the dressing down the principal said "you hug your female students, what do you do with your male students?" I responded, "I hug them too!"
Even after they graduate I still have male (and female) students come up and hug me. Most recently was a young man who was delivering groceries to my car. Most memorable were two young men, twins, who became police officers. Standing 4 inches taller than me, their vigorous hugs left imprints of their weapons in my side.
My final story is a bit different. It illustrates the changes in expected gender norms over the last quarter century. It also illustrates the lack of support teachers receive from administration.
Twenty five years in a classroom and there has NEVER been a fight, until my last year. While standing at my classroom door supervising class change and welcoming my students, two girls got into a fight in the back of the room.
Side note: when telling this story it is common that those listening are aghast that it was girls fighting. Gender stereotypical assumptions casting the female as good and kind and expecting the males to be the villains.
Later that same year the school was placed on lockdown due to an active shooter scare AND a bomb threat occuring simultaneously. Administration announced that we would evacuate the school and go to our designated safe zone with middle school students evacuating first, my highschool students would follow when told. Upon hearing this one girl attempted to leave immediately. I stopped her and tried to explain the danger of not following the established and announced instructions. She remained in the room but contrary to my instructions she did not return to her seat. Instead she began running around the room vocalizing as loud as she could. Her words connoted more excitement (rubberneck effect) than fear. After a couple of minutes trying to settle her down and get her to return to her seat I told her to "sit your ass down." She recorded that statement and published it on a social media site.
I wrote a detailed, multi-page discipline referral describing her actions and the danger she subjected her fellow students to. No disciplinary action was taken against her; however, I was written up for telling her to sit her ass down.
There are three rules on my classroom wall:
1. Respect each other
2. Respect the teacher, and
3. Respect the educational process
I believe that I have always followed my rules.
On reflection I have probably shown my girls more attention than my boys. One way was to spend more time addressing girls body-image issues. I taught biology and when teaching genetics I stress the genetic variations that affect all life. Perhaps I addressed ethnic issues as much as female issues.
While encouraging groups that society consider marginalized, I've never acknowledged the body-image issues that boys face, they do! I've never considered how the white male is marginalized within some institutions. In my class I concerned myself with issues that girls faced and Latinos face, and those considered black face. (my opinion - black, white, brown etc. are social constructs. Therefore I use the phrase "those considered black" many of those children have lighter skin than those considered white)
The first school I worked for was, and remains, an A+ school and is about 80% "white." The last school I worked for is, and has been, in corrective action and is about 80% "black."
While I have no data to substantiate my observations, national statistics bear out my perceptions that "white" girls, primarily, and "black" girls go to college more frequently than "white" boys. "Brown" girls and boys are also less likely to go to college.
BTW, I'm "white."
There's nothing here!