Just signed up to be a Big Brother

https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/1i6z533/just_signed_up_to_be_a_big_brother/

created by Hogwire on 22/01/2025 at 01:22 UTC*

206 upvotes, 13 top-level comments (showing 13)

So, I'm posting this to ask a question and make a suggestion:

1: Big Brothers Big Sisters is an organization that is apparently woefully in need of male volunteers. As someone who is very concerned about the ways that men are growing up, I think that the best way to help them avoid the more extreme elements of the online is to show boys and young men that they matter: That they are valuable in and of themselves without strings attached. I've read reports that something as simple as soccer matches in the middle east can help ease tensions between groups of people, maybe taking a kid out to games or the museum who would otherwise spend his time alone in his room might help him grow on a better path.

2: I wanted to know if any of you have any experience with the organization? I'm wondering if you have, what are the kind of things you guys have done with your little? Any advice? I've just signed up and am going to my first virtual meeting in a little under a month.

Comments

Comment by Roy4Pris at 22/01/2025 at 01:51 UTC

59 upvotes, 1 direct replies

Nice one, man!

Yeah, I’m a Big Buddy (practically identical program). My little buddy has two mums and no living male relatives (totally coincidentally his late grandfather was at middle school with my father).

He’s from a fairly secure middle class background, and doesn’t have any behavioural issues, so he will probably be alright regardless.

But his mothers are really grateful and say they’ve seen positive changes in him in the two years we’ve been hanging out.

The commitment does get a bit tiring sometimes, but definitely worthwhile. The main thing is you don’t have to think of something cool and fun every single time. It’s okay to just throw a ball around at the park or go for a bicycle ride.

Best of luck with it

Comment by nightcrawler84 at 22/01/2025 at 03:47 UTC

30 upvotes, 4 direct replies

Thank you so much for doing this! After my father passed away when I was 7, my mom signed my brother and me up for BBBS and, after a couple of Big Brothers who just didn’t work out, we met one we just clicked with. I’m in my mid 20s now and I haven’t talked to him in a while (more due to my own insecurities; I’m afraid he won’t like me anymore even though I know he would) and really want to reach out to him again.

Comment by BlueMountainDace at 22/01/2025 at 16:44 UTC

12 upvotes, 0 direct replies

I'm really happy you're going to be a Big Brother. I did it for a few years when I lived in Philly and it was a transformational experience for me.

My little and I are still friends almost a decade later. He calls me when he has issues with his family, partner, or career. He recently had a daughter and in our text exchange he said, "I know I'll be a good dad because of the things you've taught me."

But if I'm being honest, he taught me way more than I could have ever taught him.

To your question #2:

I loved it. The org itself is really helpful.
With my Little, it was a mixture of doing what he wanted and exposing him to new things. Start with the former and if y'all jive, move into the latter. He tried Indian food for the first time with me. His first time cooking was with me and my wife and we made a delicious vegetarian chili. On both accounts, his Mom texted me after asking for Indian recs and the recipe. But we also did a lot of museums, going out for lunch where he wanted to, Ice Cream, and going to the park.
Definitely develop a good relationship with the parents. They are taking a big risk allowing their kid to hang out with someone they don't know and even though we're vetted by the org, you still want to build trust. Tell them how great their kid is, run things by them, ask them if there is anything in particular that they're concerned about. My Little was the only black kid in a white prep school and they were worried about how he got in trouble a lot. Turns out, he got in trouble because he was always standing up for kids getting bullied. Them knowing that put them at ease, allowed them to talk to the teachers in the right way, and made them proud of their son.
REALLY listen to them. They're not dumb. Kids are so fucking smart and wise. The things he'll say to you will open your mind in so many ways. Once he asked me what religion I was. I told him I was Hindu. He asked why? I didn't really know. I was raised this way and I've read lots of our texts and studied religion in general, but I'd never really contended with why I was Hindu. That conversation led me on my own path of discovery.

It is honestly one of the best things I've done in my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Keep yourself open to the adventure and have an amazing time. Really proud of you for choosing to do something that can be tough and uncomfortable but that will undoubtedly make a big difference in both of your lives.

Comment by bgalbreaith at 22/01/2025 at 01:38 UTC

5 upvotes, 1 direct replies

I was a big brother to two different little before becoming a dad. I was also a little as a kid.

Your local BBBS will have a lot of free activities for you and recommendations.

Advocate for yourself if the parent is being weird or treating you like a baby sitter.

It’s going to take time to make a connection with the little so be patient.

You are there to be a friend and a positive male role model.

Have fun with it and don’t take yourself too seriously.

Comment by kelaar at 22/01/2025 at 04:08 UTC

6 upvotes, 0 direct replies

I volunteered with them first as part of a group in college where we’d do a “big for a day” activity a couple times a year, where a group of college kids would meet up for an organized activity with a group of grade school kids - bowling, skating, etc. That was fun, but we never really got to know the kids because it wasn’t a regular thing.

After college I volunteered for awhile as part of a program they were doing in my neighborhood grade school. I went once a week and had lunch with a boy in second or third grade (I don’t remember his exact age) and then we’d kick a ball on the soccer field or play wall ball or play a board game in the library or something. Simple activities that were still a good opportunity to connect.

Comment by Zora74 at 22/01/2025 at 02:00 UTC

5 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Good luck and thank you for doing this!

Comment by hotbutteredtoast at 22/01/2025 at 02:10 UTC

4 upvotes, 0 direct replies

You're one of the good ones! Have fun and don't stress. I was a big sis for many years. Board games, helping with my chickens, going to fairs, there's lots to do.

Comment by 10catsinspace at 22/01/2025 at 01:38 UTC

3 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Kudos to you for signing up to do this. More of us should follow your example.

One of my great regrets is not having signed up to be a big brother. I move around a lot for work and personal reasons and didn't want to start mentoring a kid to just ditch him a year or two later.

I hope someday things slow down, I know I'll be in the same place, and I can sign up, but I'm worried I'll be too old at that point to have had as much of an impact. I feel like these kids benefit the most from seeing young adults.

Comment by bongwatershark at 22/01/2025 at 03:03 UTC

3 upvotes, 0 direct replies

That’s wonderful!

As someone who works with kids, I’ll tell ya: anything you do with him will be valuable, as long as you support him. Go somewhere interesting and connect with him. Don’t over think it. Hopefully you will instill in your Little Brother emotional intelligence, empathy, and self love. Things that our young men severely lack.

Comment by Scary-Preference6821 at 23/01/2025 at 14:12 UTC*

3 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Great idea! They had a program like this in the public school I attended, it was really nice, I actually forgot about it for YEARS until I saw this post! I really don't remember their name, but it still was impactful to have someone to spend time with/talk with during school hours, they made a cool role model. When I had my big brother, I would usually read a bunch of books, since our sessions were held in the school library, so we talked about what I read in them.

During HS I volunteered in a Big Brother/Big Sister like program for special needs kids. If I had to recommend something, it would be being gentle with them, all supporting. I used to do activities like "Hey X, wanna play catch? We can for a bit, it'll be nice", and if they don't want to that's ok. You know maybe sometimes they wanna talk about something. Maybe sometimes they'll refuse to do anything, and that's ok too- you know sometimes a kid, even an adult, needs someone to be there with them and that's it. I didn't get to know the kids I was partnered with too well, so maybe that's as far as I got which is totally fine. I'm sure you'll be great.

Best of luck to you!

Comment by Shrimpgurt at 23/01/2025 at 14:29 UTC

2 upvotes, 1 direct replies

I'd love to be a big brother, but I'm worried I'd get slapped with a 'groomer' accusation since I'm trans. I don't know what's going to happen politically, but I'd love to be involved in helping young men.