https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/65110/boys-face-unique-challenges-heres-how-to-help-them-thrive
created by TAKEitTOrCIRCLEJERK on 17/01/2025 at 18:56 UTC
153 upvotes, 3 top-level comments (showing 3)
Comment by greyfox92404 at 17/01/2025 at 19:41 UTC*
159 upvotes, 5 direct replies
One question that kinda pulls at me, that the article briefly talks about is the idea that the parts responsible for emotional regulation mature more slowly in boys. That's always served up as a natural thing that happens but I always disagreed with the premise.
Like yes, there can be a statistical and measurable difference in these areas of the brain in boys and that's not a piece that is in question for me.
The question for me what led to that lack of emotional maturity. Is having the socialization that pressures boys into solving their problems through ignoring their discomfort or being rough stopping boys from practicing emotional maturity?
If I expect my children who are girls to talk about their issues and work to find a solution through dialogue, they are practicing using the area of their brain that is developing. The synaptic connections are being used and grow because of that practice. .
When I see people at the park tell their boys to ignore their own pain when they have a bad interaction with another kid, we are preventing them from practicing emotional expression and solving problems through emotional processes like a conversation.
So I don't think boys are genetically predisposed to lack emotional maturity, I think we prevent boys from practicing emotional maturity through our gendered scripts to make them rough&tough and then point to that undeveloped area in their brain and say, "See! It's nature! They were born to be rough&tough"
When really it's just the socialization of boys and that socialization is reflected by an underdeveloped part of their brain. It's no different than the reason the part of a soccer player's brain that controls their feet is proportionally larger than most other people. It's not that baseball players have underdeveloped brain-feet-ness, it's that soccer players practice using this part of their brain and it has a real measurable impact. Neuroplasticity is a helluva drug
Comment by chemguy216 at 17/01/2025 at 21:39 UTC
42 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I don’t know if anyone else caught this, but there was a point in the interview when the guest says that boys are one of the most touch starved “groups.”
Maybe I’m just hyper vigilant, but when I read “groups,” I take that to mean that we’re looking beyond girls and boys. And if that’s indeed the case, what other groups are we talking about? Of those groups, how many can men simultaneously exist in?
It’s a mild thing that irks me because frequently I see people separate, for example, black people from men while talking about men broadly. Sometimes, it’s like watching someone almost figure out how to do some intersectional analysis but they have not yet taken the next step into that territory. And in some cases, it’s a way to launder talking about white men without saying the quiet part out loud (I’ve had a few such interactions in another men-centric sub recently).
Comment by TAKEitTOrCIRCLEJERK at 17/01/2025 at 19:03 UTC
65 upvotes, 2 direct replies
From the earliest days of life, parents tend to handle boys and girls differently. For instance, while roughhousing is more common with young boys, studies show mothers provide twice as much caretaking touch—like cuddling or soothing gestures—to baby girls. Over time, these differences can add up.
forever and ever on this website - and, I'd argue, across IRL groups and contexts too - there's a really dumb-yet-predictable way this plays out: who's having sex and who's not.
for a ton of men, the idea that you can dial up an app and have a partner there to *willingly touch you* is mindblowing.
for a ton of women, the fact that men don't understand the contextual danger and unsatisfying nature of that touch really pisses them off!
it's a lot of talking past each other, and I think this is one of the core touchpoints (heh): from a very young age, boys and then men just don't have physical affection placed on them, and hardly have the language to describe that void.