https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/1i0zipk/tuesday_check_in_hows_everybodys_mental_health/
created by MLModBot on 14/01/2025 at 06:00 UTC
15 upvotes, 14 top-level comments (showing 14)
Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki[1] (also located in the sidebar!) ***(IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then*** ***please don't hesitate to let us know!***[2]***)***
1: https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/wiki/sidebar/resources_for_men
2: https://new.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/MensLib
Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.
Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.
Comment by AutoModerator at 14/01/2025 at 06:00 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
If you are in crisis, are considering hurting yourself or someone else, or feel like you can't go on, we advise you to contact your local emergency services, go to the nearest emergency room, or mental health crisis evaluation centre[1]. If that seems too scary or difficult right now, please consider calling a suicide hotline[2] for support. You matter and should get the help you deserve.
1: https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
2: https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines
For help developing a safety plan, please consult this PDF.[3] Therapy can also be a good support resource. Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be struggling to seek out therapy! We all need a supportive ear sometimes! If you are considering therapy but don't know where to start, we recommend taking a look at Psychology Today[4], International Therapist Directory[5], or OpenCounseling[6] for a provider in your country or, if in the US, contacting your nearest branch of the National Alliance on Mental Illness[7] Buzzfeed has also published an informative article[8] about what happens when you call a suicide hotline, for those who might feel hesitant. You matter and your life is absolutely worth it. Be kind to yourself.
4: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/counsellors
5: https://internationaltherapistdirectory.com/
6: https://www.opencounseling.com/
7: https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI
8: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/carolinekee/what-happens-when-you-call-suicide-hotline
9: /message/compose/?to=/r/MensLib
Comment by Oregon_Jones111 at 14/01/2025 at 09:31 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Great, the movie I watched today, The Breaking Ice, had a scene had where a woman encounters a bear in the woods and isn’t afraid. I keep being reminded that I’ll always be worse than a bear.
Comment by houston_furry at 14/01/2025 at 22:16 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I’m emotionally on edge currently.
I started a new role with another department which came with a significant raise. I knew the manager and he knows me. My dumb ass didn’t ask if there was a different telework schedule because I’ve been doing hybrid for years now and new manager knows that, and I thought with such a lateral move nothing would change.
Now I’m being told that I’m supposed to be in the office five days a week when I’m usually there three.
For whatever reason that, combined with the change in job duties and separating from a project I like, ended up with me having a panic attack and crying to myself in the car.
I feel like something is wrong with me. I know in my head it’s not that big a deal, or I could walk away, or work for a couple months and then revisit it. But emotionally I’m feeling the same thing as the time in my life I was depressed to the point of biweekly panic attacks and could cry at anything. I want to be home with my cats, I feel like I’m missing their whole lives. Plus I got slammed with a bunch of dysphoria out of nowhere and I just… it’s not a good week and I feel like I’m going insane with the emotional instability that’s going on.
Comment by SibleyJoseph at 14/01/2025 at 17:04 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Being disabled in a system that won't allow you or help you is v tribulating. Following the advice given to me has just made me sink I to a deeper place of distrust of the system and my community because I'm being told there are help systems for me but I'm consecutively denied them.
Comment by ThinkBookMan at 14/01/2025 at 18:00 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I've been doing dry January (my 3rd year) and since starting Ketamine treatment I'm amazed at the lack of cravings for alcohol this time around. This I think is a good sign I've turned a corner.
Comment by Oh_no_its_Joe at 14/01/2025 at 20:21 UTC
13 upvotes, 6 direct replies
Something's been bothering me and I still have yet to find a satisfactory response.
I see on social media all the time statements about men such as:
And there's data to support all this.
What am I supposed to take away from all this? Are we men just inherently worse than women? Do I just have to come to terms with the fact that I'll never be as good or pure as a woman due to being a man? Will I never be deserving of love because of my lower moral capabilities? Is physical strength really the only thing men have going for us?
Comment by Maximum_Location_140 at 14/01/2025 at 17:38 UTC
10 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I've been unemployed for a month and today I woke up to an email from the state saying "NOTICE OF ELIGIBILITY INVESTIGATION." So I leapt up from my bed and loaded their janky, broken website trying to figure out what I screwed up and if I was going to get booted off of unemployment.
After loading for several minutes, the notice came up and it said people have to attend standard retraining seminars and one is coming up at the end of the month. Nowhere in the message does it even mention eligibility, let alone an "investigation." The contact for same has a phone number with the state, but didn't bother to set up a voicemail, a profile on the state web site, an outline for the class, or an email. Ironically, I worked in communications and could have rewritten this whole message and set the guy up with working contact information inside of 45 minutes.
I have paid into UI for more than 20 years of consistent, uninterrupted employment, only to have the state call me a dirtbag three weeks into a job hunt, two of which were over the holidays.
Our relationship to work in this country is fucked. The people running these departments are cruel, misanthropic bastards who have careers sponging off of people they will later shame when they try to access the services they provide.
I have two job interviews on Thursday. I don't have high expectations for them, but I'm landing interviews while my friends who are in the same boat as me are struggling. I thought this whole experience would send me spiraling, but I'm not depressed, I'm extremely pissed off. My first act once I land steady employment is to unionize the fucker and continue making the boss' lives a living hell.
Comment by Oregon_Jones111 at 14/01/2025 at 07:43 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I need to move to a place where I feel safe transitioning ASAP. I’m suffocating here.
Comment by Useful-Field-9037 at 14/01/2025 at 08:38 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Despite not actually being physically alone, but I feel pretty lonely. I really don't feel like the people around me understand the world the same way I do. The way people around me think just seems to be so backwards to me.
Comment by Thermawrench at 15/01/2025 at 10:07 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
How do you deal with the feelings of inadequacy when it comes to military service and being unable to do it due to medical reasons? It's a mandatory thing in my country and the one i live in. It's a expected thing and a shared experience no matter how rich or poor you are, be it city-dweller or rural hillbilly. I do not feel as manly as them and i feel sad on missing out on that formative shared experience. And it isn't that i do not want but i was denied on medical grounds. I'd volunteer if i could because i believe in the independence of our country and the survival of our language and culture. I believe in democracy and a dignified existence.
So when i see in the newspaper about conscripts i feel a feeling of missing out even though i have ways to contribute in a wartime society which are useful. It's the same in patriotic texts and excerpts you hear. It's both a spook to make people do their duty yet at the same time there beats a patriotic heart inside of me who believes in our continued independence from Russian tyranny.
So the old masculine ideals of dying in combat used by rulers to make people die in their wars but on the other hand it's a war to defend your home and family if it ever comes here. I feel a lot of masculine ideals that shape our society stem from old military ideals for soldiers.
Comment by StrangeBid7233 at 15/01/2025 at 20:56 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Had a really good therapy session this week,
I was starting to think it's waste of time, at first I felt like it was very helpful but it might have just been fact that some time has passed since breakup that broke me and it was healing me, and exercises he gave me simply weren't effective as demons kept coming back.
He acknowledged that and is working really hard with me to figure it out and what would help me long term, while also helping me adopt a new perspective on things, while at same time telling me it's okay sometimes to just come and vent, doesn't have to be super productive session, sometimes I need to just air out things inside.
While I still feel rather unhappy and broken, like half of person if that makes sense, and some days are really bad, overall, compare to this time last year, I am doing much better.
Still wish things would just come together for me, I am kinda bitter that person that hurt me is doing good and faced no consequences for their actions, I should still focus on myself and not them.
Comment by Inquisitor--Nox at 14/01/2025 at 14:43 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Doing good for someone permanently broken by personal loss and watching democracy die in 2024.
Comment by chemguy216 at 16/01/2025 at 10:02 UTC
4 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I get rather annoyed whenever I come across some men who act like they read the gospel when they talk Chris Rock’s quote about only men not being treated with unconditional love. I’ve yet to see such men treat the comment with nuance to address some aspects of being a man that many men experience and are negatively affected by. But more importantly, it often demonstrates how shallow an understanding that some men have about what it’s like being a woman or man with various marginalized statuses, and make note, I used the phrase “men with various marginalized statuses” because so often in discourse about men, even in this sub, people talk about men separately from marginalized groups that contain men.
One of the biggest issues I have is that frequently “love” is used rhetorically in a similar way as “free speech” when having a disagreement about various applications of and limits to free speech to someone who often wants to say what they want with no pushback. In the latter, people often talk about law, and often the person expressing displeasure at a consequence of free speech will start the discussion off with an example related to the law. When that gets dicey, they seem to pivot to “Oh, I’m talking about the broader idea of free speech beyond law.”
Something similar to that happens when discussing “love” to some of these men who cling to that Chris Rock quote. Most people discuss romantic and familial love and even platonic love among friends. When it becomes harder to defend that, some of these guys pivot to some broader concept of “love” that typically boils down to “all you groups we view as separate from men have resources and community specifically geared toward you that Men TM don’t have.” Of course, many people who actually live as those groups can give you examples of how even that isn’t ���unconditional.”
What also mildly disturbs me about some of these men is what isn’t being said: why are they potentially loving women unconditionally? Taking them at their logical word (even though women and other men know damn well that women aren’t treated with unconditional love by men), men treat women with unconditional love. In many people’s conception of what unconditional love, it means loving someone no matter what they do. That sounds like a recipe for accepting all manner of bullshit and potentially abuse from a partner that no one should endure, and that’s not healthy, particularly in romantic relationships.
The reality is that, except when it comes to family for some (though not all) people, people attach conditions to whom they establish various types of relationships with. Some are upfront conditions that prevent any relationship from being established (e.g., if we’re talking romantic love, people you’re not attracted to are automatically removed from consideration), and some are maintenance conditions that I’ll define as conditions that must be met for us to continue having a healthy relationship.
I personally think everyone should have conditions in their relationships because of the aforementioned concerns about abuse and dealing with other bad interactions. Conditions vary in reasonableness, and frankly, we’re not all going to agree on the same levels of reasonableness for every single potential condition. Some of this can be attributed to double standards, cultural differences, individual differences, etc.
This is ultimately the kind of nuance I want to see but have yet to see from guys who find deep value in that quote. I want to see them demonstrate that obviously a pithy quote isn’t nuanced enough to get at the heart of what they’re feeling. I want them to be open to understanding that maybe other groups of people aren’t as unconditionally loved as these specific guys think those groups are. I want to see them be okay with acknowledging that maybe they need to articulate what they’re feeling personally view unconditional love to mean when they engage in discussion about the quote, and maybe they can acknowledge that it’s kind of a messy term in the context of this discussion.
Comment by Fearless_Finding_217 at 18/01/2025 at 16:53 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Got banned from a support subreddit today because of my "problematic" views about women/feminism. Only because I previously posted I can't be a feminist because I've been abused by women in the past and it's just not in me.
Like wtf?