https://www.parents.com/what-causes-postpartum-depression-in-dads-8770790
created by TAKEitTOrCIRCLEJERK on 09/01/2025 at 18:50 UTC
352 upvotes, 13 top-level comments (showing 13)
Comment by Jealous-Factor7345 at 10/01/2025 at 00:39 UTC
241 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I read things like this and... sometimes I wonder If I'm the one taking crazy pills. PPD/PPA in both men and women is waved away as this sort of magical mental disorder that arises after the birth of a child, sometimes vaguely related to "hormones."
Which, I mean, fair enough I guess.
But like, you know what really fucks with your hormones? Sleep deprivation. You know what lowers testosterone? Not getting enough sleep. You know what skyrockets your stress levels? Not getting enough sleep.
You know where PPD doesn't really exist? Places where new mothers get massive community support in the first few months after the birth of the child.
Like, sleep deprivation is used as a literal means of torture on prisoners, and I almost never see it get mentioned as a cause of post partum depression. I am also nearly 100% convinced that this is single largest cause of PPD in men, which is probably why you see it more in progressive men who are probably giving up more sleep relative to their conservative peers during the newborn phase.
Comment by TAKEitTOrCIRCLEJERK at 09/01/2025 at 18:55 UTC
144 upvotes, 3 direct replies
a rare menslib-IRL intersection for me. My buddy texted me last night and admitted that he's struggling right now, 21 weeks into being a new dad, and I told him I'd do some research so he didn't have to.
(hey man! I think you're one of like six people IRL who knows my reddit username!)
he did what he should've done: told someone he trusts that he needs help and he can't handle it on his own. It's my job, *our* job, as friends and family to be supportive and to give him what he needs, sometimes including a little kick in the ass (and a ride) to a doctor. no man is an island!
Comment by fperrine at 09/01/2025 at 21:16 UTC
43 upvotes, 2 direct replies
A close friend of mine just had his first kid. He looks happier than a pig in shit. And I truly believe that he is, too. I'll keep this one on the backburner, though. I'm in that era where everyone is starting to have kids...
Comment by greyfox92404 at 09/01/2025 at 21:54 UTC
39 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Having a baby is emotionally complex and I know that I was not prepared for the range of things I felt and experienced. As a culture I don't think we properly prepare folks for parenting. A lot of this relies on generational knowledge but that's not always available.
A lot of parents are almost in a constant state of panic with everything that has to be learned and practiced. She's not latching very well, what's wrong? How many oz of milk did she drink? Is it the right temp? Omg, she broke out of the swaddle again in the middle of the night. Is she sleeping on her back? Is the humidifier too close to the bassinette? Did I rotate the older frozen milk to the front? Where the F is her left sock? Please don't let my wife see that I spilt 4oz of breastmilk. Ugh, I just got the hang of her sleep pattern and now it's changed again. Oh no, she scratched herself like crazy last night, we need to clip her fingernails... how do you clip baby fingernails?
I could go on like that for 3 pages. It's just so many questions that don't really have a satisfying answer because babies are humans and humans so complex. There's this tiny fragile thing that needs help at every moment of their day and sometimes we don't get to step away from that level of attention/stress.
Add on top that this is usually very isolating and there rarely is the same amount of time to de-stress or socialize for companionship. This means it's hard. Those early months are so hard. But it's not all stress and gloom. There are also so many wonderful moments smushed in between.
My spouse had post partum depression and i remember not really having any free time to myself until my first was like 6 months old. I had forgotten what I liked to do, I kinda didn't remember the things that I loved to do. I lost a bit of my own identity there. I had so fully become dad that I forgot what Greyfox used to like to do. And I actually felt grief about this. I LIKED who I was. I don't think I was really ready to give up that identity because I didn't realize how much being a dad was going to change me.
There's little wonder why a lot of dads struggle with postpartum depression.
Though it's not all stress and gloom. There are also so many wonderful moments smushed in between and now I have to focus to remember any of the hard parts. I remember that I was sleep deprived but I don't feel that memory anymore. But I still feel the good memories. I can still remember what their baby hair smelled like. I remember tiny little toes with tiny little toe-cheese. I remember all the bath times and teaching them to talk. I remember their first words (taco and turtle). And there's nothing in this world better than my daughter sneaking into my room on saturday to say, "shhh, dad. don't wake up mommy. let's go play minecraft." (though it's astrobot/sea of stars right now)
Comment by Bwm89 at 09/01/2025 at 23:44 UTC
11 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I don't know if this is a strictly me thing, or something other people will find relatable, but here goes.
Terry pratchett described, In the character of sam vimes, a parent who didn't really feel any native outpouring of love for their child off the bat and from birth, and instead, a bit gradually, later on, when that child began to look at and interact with him with love in their eyes, proceeded to fall wildly in love with his child and begin moving entire cities to make life better for them.
I felt that deeply, my child was initially kinda a very noisy lump that made my life vastly more complicated, and is now a person that I care about very much.
Those early days can be an incredibly difficult struggle, particularly if you have no support system or you are the whole support system. Even if you aren't dealing with the hormones of post pregnancy, you may be dealing with a massive change of life circumstances, you may have stopped sleeping in the ways you are used to, you may have been losing your friends, your hobbies, your job.
It's not surprising that you might have some serious mental health struggles at that point in your life
Comment by SoftwareAny4990 at 09/01/2025 at 21:14 UTC
10 upvotes, 0 direct replies
We learned this in birthing class.
That makes sense. Lack of sleep, probably poor diet, with major life changes.
Its also not just PPD. It's other mental ailments as well.
Comment by returningtheday at 09/01/2025 at 20:50 UTC
18 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Pre-existing mental health conditions, such as depression or anxiety, play a role in fathers experiencing postpartum depression, with a three times more likely rate of developing the condition.
Sick! Not only do I have depression now, but now I can look forward to more if ever I have a child!
Comment by Raise_A_Thoth at 10/01/2025 at 03:03 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I was definitely depressed for most (on and off) of my child's first year, even though I wanted kids and was proud of my baby.
My partner's friends said their partners didn't feel like themselves until a year postpartum; and having gone through that year, that was very reassurring for me.
Comment by Jazzlike-Basket-6388 at 10/01/2025 at 11:14 UTC
4 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I'm in construction and we have a really good safety culture. I haven't seen these stats in a format that I can share, but the stats I've seen internally regarding men having major accidents were really eye opening. A very high percentage of people that have life changing accidents on site, fall asleep at the wheel driving to or from work, and so forth have a new born at home. I'm not talking twice or three times as likely, but likes hundreds of times more likely.
Comment by I-Post-Randomly at 09/01/2025 at 23:53 UTC
3 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I've had more than one encounter where I've been openly told that "PPD" cannot exist for dads as "they never gave birth". It is really disheartening.
Comment by Thaodan at 10/01/2025 at 16:22 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I learned in our dynamic where I have an easier time to talk to authorities that my mental state is easier overlocked. My wife doesn't deal well with these appointments with social services. It might appear like I'm doing fine but I'm not. I think it is very toxic there are different standards for male and female emotions. For me as a male I am inclined to hold back my feelings since mine are seen as more threatening compared to my wives. What I am trying to say is that when I express frustration by speaking faster and slightly louder it is seen as aggressive compared to if my wife would do the same. I am person with ADHD and autistic features, I do not deal so well with gender related issues. I never experienced before having a child that there a different standards for males compared to females. I tried to understand and learn everything I could but it did feel like I am encroaching on something I do not belong in, e.g. when I asked that nurses and doctors explain to me too even when it something that is only (directly) relevant to my wife.
I know I am not directly on topic for this post but my example is relevant and frankly I do not know what to and have to reach out somehow. Our son is now almost two years old, every day he is in this system of the Finnish social services I feel more and more helpless.
Comment by [deleted] at 16/01/2025 at 16:12 UTC
1 upvotes, 1 direct replies
[removed]
Comment by __andrei__ at 10/01/2025 at 17:54 UTC
0 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This is why I can’t fathom the “men with kids do better in their careers” myth. Like, I can barely keep my job, really?
Everyone I see who get promoted straight to the top are men and women without kids. They can work late, take care of their looks, and have enough mental focus and determination to actually be effective in leadership roles.