5 upvotes, 1 direct replies (showing 1)
View submission: [L] Hi I'm Duckie
You have been through more than most people will in their entire lifetime and all in a very short amount of time. The childhood that you had was obviously incredibly difficult and complicated. Childhood abuse is absolutely awful and the havoc that can have on a developing child’s brain is tremendous. I am sorry that you had to go through all that, it’s awful and tremendously unfair. It is impossible for anyone to go through all that and not be affected so I hope that you can find some empathy for yourself. To me it sounds like you are still a bit harsh on yourself. Without having a good representation of a healthy family and having suffered abuse as a child I think you are doing the best you can. I think that despite the mistakes you have made that you have still made good choices and your little sister’s life will be better for it. That’s something that is praise worthy and this stranger is proud of you for that.
There’s so much here that I don’t think I can speak to it all, but if I could tell you anything it would be easier on yourself. I recommend that if you are feeling left out by your Aunt/Mom and sister or that they are treating you differently that you talk to them about it. Be direct, do not let your brain guess about this kind of stuff because chances are it will want to fill in the gaps with your own experience and you have had a very hard life and been mistreated so I would not rely on that.
As for why happiness feels painful or maybe even induces some kind of anxiety, it is likely your brain is still on alert after all these years and good things are interpreted as being something other than what they actually are.
I would highly recommend you look up attachment theory and try to educate yourself on that as I promise it is very relevant to you and maybe you can find some explanations about what is going on for you, but also how to help yourself as well.
You are genuinely an incredible person and I hope that you only become happier, more confident, and more at peace as time goes on. Wishing you the best.
Comment by RubberDuckieApproved at 05/02/2025 at 07:19 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I appreciate all these kind words or strangers. I'm seeing that maybe I am a bit cruel to myself. I will def look into attachment theory. I could use all the help I can get. Thank you so much and I appreciate your sympathy. It means the world. Truly. These suggestions have helped considerably. I am incredibly grateful for your time. Thank you thank you! I have decided to try and open up to my mom/aunt as well about all this. I'm trying other suggestions since all my ideas weren't helping. Much much love!