I have this exact conversation with myself everyday

hi OP, the insecurity about your weight doesn't go away when you find a partner. learn the compartmentalize these issues and work on them one at a time. Im not that much older than you and struggled/still struggle with body image issues despite losing 100+ lbs and having a beautiful loving partner.

no biggie tho u got this.

Comment by MCX23 at 11/03/2025 at 01:26 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

start taking adderall /hj

Comment by Glamour_Professional at 11/03/2025 at 00:50 UTC

1 upvotes, 2 direct replies

Honestly, having lost over 80 pounds in a year, the journey of losing weight and getting in shape can be an Odyssey of itself, you don’t realize how much of a difference it makes

Comment by jpollack21 at 11/03/2025 at 01:21 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

hey man it took me 4 years of straight use to get past the 2nd date and now I don't struggle getting there. it's almost like it's up to the gods if you get lucky or not.

Comment by Lazy-Damage-8972 at 11/03/2025 at 00:42 UTC

1 upvotes, 2 direct replies

Get out of the house and try to meet people. Hobbies, hiking, library. Anything but the internet and bars. Bird watching is pretty cool. You know about Whiporwhills?

Comment by saltysaturdays at 11/03/2025 at 01:31 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Download Strava and set active goals! Or just intake enough caffeine to kill a horse and just walk into a gym. And then once you’re fit you’ll not care about dating and focus more on training or bigger events/races. Before you know it you’ll be single for 4+ years

Speaking from experience 😭

Comment by Nicklebackenjoyer at 11/03/2025 at 01:39 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Ill help you op. Whats your biggest challenge when it comes to dieting?

Comment by Youngheartbreak_98 at 11/03/2025 at 01:42 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

OP your physical, and mental health are far more important than getting a girlfriend, set some priorities for yourself first, not because you want a girlfriend, do it for you. Then when you’re confident enough to look for a girlfriend.

Comment by SuiJukebox at 11/03/2025 at 01:43 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

One thing that helped me is meal prepping. If you have all your meals for the day cooked, you can’t over eat. And if you do, you know you’re over eating. Also, try lose weight for improving yourself first, not just dates

Comment by FabioPurps at 11/03/2025 at 01:56 UTC*

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

I lost nearly 20lbs over the past 3 months by:

Going to the gym 3x per week minimum (push day, leg day, pull day with core exercises every day - beginner level intensity workout) with inconsistent additional days of swimming basically whenever I have free time and am able to get up there.

Only making and eating white meat/veggie/carb dishes off this website: https://www.budgetbytes.com/[1] (I meal prep so I spend $10-20 at Aldi, cook one night, make a enough of one recipe to last me lunch/dinner every day for a week, then chill the rest of the week). I never eat anything I don't cook anymore including snacks. No soda either. Water, milk, juice, coffee only. My grocery budget is like $80 per month and I feel amazing.

1: https://www.budgetbytes.com/

If you can get skilled at cooking and get in relatively good shape, the relationship part will probably resolve itself without too much effort tbh. The bar is quite low, there are so many helpless people out there that can't take care of themselves and rely entirely on a partner or takeout/fast food to keep them fed. Even if it doesn't resolve itself, then who really cares? You'll be taking amazing care of yourself and feeling great. Don't ever tie your sense of self worth to another person if you can help it, focus entirely on you and your interests and goals.

Comment by Upside2Gravity at 11/03/2025 at 02:01 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Yes, losing weight and maintaining it takes years. Yes, beginning a relationship and maintaining it takes even more time. Literally everything takes time. Patience is the vibe.

Comment by battlerez_arthas at 11/03/2025 at 02:06 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Y'all know there's people who are *into* fat guys right

Comment by robbert-the-skull at 11/03/2025 at 02:11 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

It's ok bud. I'm relatively attractive, or so I'm told, active, 6'2" and I've never gotten a like or match on the dating apps I've used over the last six months.

Comment by GreyWolf_93 at 11/03/2025 at 02:21 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Well, easier said than done, but try not to tie your self worth to your relationship status.

Remember, there are plenty of people in shite relationships when they’d be better off single.

Just do your best to focus on self improvement, and don’t let yourself devolve into Inceldom.

Comment by Tonythesaucemonkey at 11/03/2025 at 02:23 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Is it that hard to lose weight? I gained weight when I immigrated, once I noticed I immediately went down to one meal a day, and lost all of it. Eating less is cheaper too. Skipping meals is quite easy with how calorie dense American food is.

Comment by EnsignSDcard at 11/03/2025 at 02:38 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Rarely got matches? Damn look at bro flaunting right now

Comment by CrispMortality at 11/03/2025 at 03:35 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Dude, I’m a former fat guy who had anxiety and ocd. I’m thriving now as a personal trainer and married. If you would like a program and someone to ask nutrition info, DM me. I’ll give you a three month program and access to message me. Too many people are putting out hate right now, I want to extend a hand instead.

Comment by JabbooJamboree at 11/03/2025 at 04:40 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Try reading Extreme Ownership and Can't Hurt Me. Take personal ownership to get into shape.

In a year you will be a different person, a much better person. That person will attract the type of person that you want to be in a relationships with. Good luck.

Comment by jqdecitrus at 11/03/2025 at 05:02 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Remember that dating apps make money off of you NOT finding a partner

Comment by Palmbomb_1 at 11/03/2025 at 05:17 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Lol.... it definitely isn't because of your weight. I am a fat dude, and I dress like a middle schooler. I was casually dating before I entered into a long-term relationship, and I am certain that if it ended, I wouldn't have any trouble dating again and meeting tons of other incredible people. Dating apps ARE terrible for your self-esteem. They're are there for shallow people who need to periodically hook up with other shallow people to feel good about themselves. You can feel amazing and confident about being yourself without the companionship of anyone else. If you're isolating yourself, then you're killing yourself. Get involved in groups where there are people with similar interests. For me, it was community outreach meetings, going out to see live music, meeting large groups of old acquaintances for dinner parties, going to art exhibits, wine tastings, little art classes, events at hobbyshops. I even go to the movies by myself. It's basically anywhere I could think of to stand out in groups as a single guy who likes to strike up conversation, crack some jokes, have fun, and get to know other people. I still do all those things, but now, a lot of the time, it is with my girlfriend (we met at a New Year's Eve party and talked about our record collections). Is it expensive to be so active? Yes, but so isn't maintaining a healthy equitable relationship. If finances get in the way of you having good, clean fun, then you need to make an increased income a priority before seeking a new relationship of any kind. Figure out how to be happy and mentally healthy on your own, be engaging, talk to people you genuinely find intriguing, and the rest will fall into place.

It works best if you're comfortable financially, and don't tell anyone that you are single unless you're asked. Also, learn how to cook at least one banger meal for two.

You don't have much life to live. Go live it.

Comment by Boulderfrog1 at 11/03/2025 at 06:55 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

I mean, speaking from personal experience the dating apps aren't any more effective at getting you dates if you're skinny. That's not to say that losing weight is a bad goal or anything, but do it for yourself, not for the purposes of pandering to some hypothetical woman that doesn't exist.