https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/1ij2pto/does_anyone_else_struggle_to_trust_anyone/
created by CottonCandy435 on 06/02/2025 at 13:37 UTC
15 upvotes, 3 top-level comments (showing 3)
I'm someone who has been abandoned and hurt by people time and time again. Because of this, it is incredibly hard for me to trust anyone.
In my head, it's never a happy ending, moreso, you're a temporary benefit until you are gone and I need to prepare accordingly.
Recently, I have been trying to change my mentality to enjoying the moment and nothing lasts forever, but without that stability, it's hard to truly feel emotionally connected to others. What's the point of having to continuously make superficial relationships for only a short time? It seems like a lot of work for very little reward.
It's hard not to see relationships as being transactional at this point, and develop a mentality of "What can I get from you before you leave my life?" If I can't get anything stable and emotional from these interactions, why not try to benefit in some other way? It seems like everyone does that these days anyways.
Can anyone else relate to this?
Comment by Kintsugi_Ningen_ at 06/02/2025 at 14:33 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I've definitely struggled with trusting other people and even myself at times.
I know what you mean about some people using others like props and accessories and then dropping them when they are done with them. I think it's easier for people like us to get into situations like that because we can struggle with setting healthy boundaries. The good news is that it's a skill we can learn. Once you are able to draw boundaries, it starts to filter the genuine people from the users.
I guess you could view all relationships as transactional, but you could also split it into the good and bad kind. All relationships are about give and take, but it doesn't have to be exploitative as long as there is mutual care and respect. Some relationships last a long time, and some are short-lived, but that doesn't make them meaningless.
I keep trying because authentic connections are worth it when you find one. They feel safe and warm, and you can be yourself. They don't come along very often for me, so I try to cherish them when they do.
I closed myself off for a long time due to my attachment wounds, but I'm realising that they can only be healed by safely connecting to others. I'm better at spotting unsafe people now, so I'm feeling able to start opening up again. We have to risk being vulnerable in order to experience the good stuff. I'm beginning to see that the key is in being able to choose the right people to let in.
Comment by Fowl_Dorian at 06/02/2025 at 15:35 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
To be honest,
Yes, it is extremely difficult to trust people - cptsd is relationship trauma. In times when I doubt people, I tell myself it's not my responsibility to make sure they are being honest with me all the time, I CAN trust I'll know how to handle if they are being deceitful.
In regards to the relationship concerns, the brutal honest truth is that a lot of relationships outside of personal relationships are transactional, work for example. I have learned we don't bring our authentic selves to work, but rather a masked identity of who we want the world to see. We play the part for others so others can play a part for us.
With personal relationships, unfortunately neurotypical people require the song and dance of pleasantries that eventually lead to a deeper relationship. It's hard to get, because true emotional connections/vulnerability are SO incredible rare.
With all of that being said, it is not pointless. Social currency will pay off in the forms of needing references and other social needs. It might not seem to pay off right way but that is the definition of an investment. Especially if you find yourself in the rare hard spot, just remember to never withdraw more than you invest.
I hope I've helped with my opinion, it's not much but I feel like I can understand where you're coming from
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1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
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