https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/1ij23k7/does_trauma_healing_lead_to_asexuality/
created by Ammmini on 06/02/2025 at 13:07 UTC
102 upvotes, 55 top-level comments (showing 25)
Comment by NoseIssues at 06/02/2025 at 13:17 UTC
141 upvotes, 3 direct replies
I’ve wondered this too. After a lot of trauma, especially if it involved unhealthy or harmful experiences with intimacy, it can feel like your brain just shuts off that part of you as a defense mechanism. For me, the more I’ve worked through certain things, the more I’ve realized how much of my past attraction or desire was tied to seeking validation, control, or just trying to feel something, and without that, my relationship with intimacy feels completely different.
I don’t think healing causes asexuality, but I do think it can make you reevaluate what intimacy means to you outside of survival, trauma responses, or external pressure. Some people might realize they were always on the asexual spectrum and just never had the space to recognize it before. Others might just be in a phase of healing where desire isn’t a priority. Either way, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong outcome, just whatever feels most true to you as you continue to heal.
Comment by bringin-downdahouse at 06/02/2025 at 13:33 UTC
41 upvotes, 2 direct replies
For me the trauma itself absolutely contributed to my being “asexual”. I am unable to form relationships as well. If I feel the slightest attraction to someone I literally feel physically ill. I also am unable to recognize when someone is attracted to me. PTSD sucks!
Comment by Illustrious-Goose160 at 06/02/2025 at 13:25 UTC
27 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I don't think it does, but it *can.*
Comment by yuloab612 at 06/02/2025 at 13:33 UTC
18 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I had moments where during my healing it became clear to me that my sexuality often didn't come from a healthy place, but I didn't yet have it build back healthy. So in the in between space my sex drive definitely tanked and I felt uncomfortable with sex.
Healing made me become aware of some really intense feelings. It made me temporarily not want to do many things and sex was part of that.
But for me that time didn't last and I'm having fun again.
Comment by oneconfusedqueer at 06/02/2025 at 13:43 UTC
15 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Hard for me to personally tell. I've always been sex repulsed, but needing male validation (hello, trauma induced daddy issues) meant I forced trying for a really long time, because I couldn't see that what I wanted (a validating, safe, protective father figure) was different to wanting a boyfriend. So in that sense, healing some of that trauma - or at least, being cognisant of it, helped me to realise that I wanted a dad, and it's probably quite common to be repulsed by the idea of sleeping with your dad.
So, working on my trauma led to those understandings - that I wanted a dad not a boyfriend, and I was sex repulsed.
It has led to abstaining from sex and relationships as a result - but only because that was the natural place a healthy version of me would have got to anyway.
Comment by aimless_sad_person at 06/02/2025 at 14:04 UTC
10 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Not any more than it can lead to hypersexuality. Many people try to recreate their trauma experiences, or worse over them with different ones like filming over a used cassette tape, or just want to feel. Some people avoid anything that reminds them of their trauma experiences to the point of becoming reclusive, or want to reach out but self sabotage, or decide to not engage in forms of intimacy. Some people do both at different points (me).
There are as many ways to react to trauma as there are traumatised people.
Comment by ElishaAlison at 06/02/2025 at 14:13 UTC
13 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I think it may be more like: trauma healing leads one to discover their true sexuality (or asexuality, as it were)
I actually had the opposite experience. I believed I was asexual before healing, and as I went through the healing process I discovered my sexuality - for me it's demisexual.
Think about it this way - trauma can make people hypersexual, and as a person heals, that will go away. I also definitely think there can be a period where, once a person no longer feels the compulsion of hypersexuality, they may feel asexual for a period of time, as they get their bearings.
In short, I don't think this question has a clear, defined answer. This is something that will be different for everyone.
Comment by Hopeful-Ne at 06/02/2025 at 13:12 UTC
10 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Want to know too. Asking for a friend...
Comment by Right_Detail6565 at 06/02/2025 at 13:28 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Nope! Did a lot of EMDR and ART I have CSA
Comment by Winter-Memory5940 at 06/02/2025 at 13:37 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Omg, are you me???
Comment by HeavyAssist at 06/02/2025 at 13:27 UTC
10 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Did you try an ssri? It causes sexual dysfunction
Comment by AptCasaNova at 06/02/2025 at 13:30 UTC
11 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I think it can help you get in touch with your sexuality, which could mean being asexual, homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual (among many others).
Asexuality isn’t a lack of sexuality, that’s a common misconception, and there are many subgroups under the asexual umbrella.
Asexual people can date and have sex and they also can choose not to.
Comment by Tall-Poem-6808 at 06/02/2025 at 14:01 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
No, depression while trying to heal caused me to not be interested in sex anymore.
Removing myself from the triggering situation and processing the trauma brought that back.
Comment by BodhingJay at 06/02/2025 at 13:40 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
it's unique to everyone based on what they went through, the kind of wounds they endured, how they coped and how they healed
it often doesn't, but it can lead to variations of this
Comment by Marikaape at 06/02/2025 at 14:03 UTC
5 upvotes, 1 direct replies
The opposite for me.
Comment by Am_I_the_Villan at 06/02/2025 at 14:09 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Not always, I am 76% recovered from cptsd and I am not asexual.
Comment by skumbelina at 06/02/2025 at 14:23 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This is a fascinating thread. I thought I was alone in this
Comment by britnastyyy at 06/02/2025 at 16:37 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This thread has made me cry. I feel so validated reading that others are going through something similar, and the possibility that it's not a defect in me.
Comment by new-machine at 06/02/2025 at 13:53 UTC*
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
For me it was the opposite but I guess that’s personal to my life. (ED mention) I actually used to be asexual. I legitimately had no sexual attraction. My therapist told me she’s seen asexual clients develop sexual attraction when mentally recovering from their EDs. And then eventually I did develop that attraction at 25 - I had actually suspected in my specific case that my asexuality could have come from complex trauma.
I do not think asexuality is always a trauma response, it’s normal and natural for a lot of people. I just don’t think it was meant for me personally.
Comment by Inevitable-Rest-4652 at 06/02/2025 at 14:01 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Funny you mention that. I haven't really been interested in sex since I discovered CPTSD and began working on myself and healing... yeah I look back on most all past relationships in a new light now. I guess your post led me to a new self discovery... thank you.
Comment by RandomCat7973 at 06/02/2025 at 14:05 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Healing your trauma generally reduces how much you have do something to cope with it. So if hypersexuality was a way to cope for you, it would be naturally reduced and in contrast that can seem like asexuality, because suddenly sexuality is not a compulsion anymore.
Comment by Hungry-Crow-9226 at 06/02/2025 at 14:37 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I think that’s a sign you’re still on the healing journey. ASexuality makes sense after sexual trauma, which doesn’t have to be assault. I highly recommend Holistic Life Navigation’s sexual fawning course
Comment by Fragrant-Donut2871 at 06/02/2025 at 16:13 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Asexuality is the complete or greatly reduced sexual attraction towards individuals of any gender. Asexuality is a spectrum, so it not only no attraction, it can be a wide range somewhere between asexuality and sexuality. There are aces who enjoy enganging in practises, others who completely abstain or are averse. Some aces only lead platonic relationships or none at all.
Being Asexual myself I'd say no, trauma doesn't turn you asexual, same as it won't turn you straight, gay or bi. Trauma doesn't determine your sexual orientation.
I think what trauma will cause is the response to certain triggers. Aka, if you were ridiculed by intimate partners, the trauma may lead to you shutting down that part, or even blinding yourself to advances and interest of others in you. That is a coping mechanism and a trauma reaction, but it's not a sexual orientation.
I did some research and found this study from the Department of Psychological Science, Saint Vincent College, Pensylvania on this topic as well. https://www.stvincent.edu/assets/docs/academic-conference/academic-conference-201/PS%5C_Lucian%20Strauss%20Asexuality%20and%20Trauma.pdf[1][2]
Comment by Tricky_Jellyfish9810 at 06/02/2025 at 14:03 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I think it depends on the Trauma.
As for myself, healing led to Asexuality. Or...was I asexual all along? It's a question that I'm asking myself quite frequently.
Personally, looking back at my past, I always felt like I was obligated to provide Sex to my partners. Otherwise they won't love me. This ties back to how my abuser groomed me in the past where he used the "Love argument" as a way to groom me into sleeping with him when I was still a kid. A single "But I'm your dad and you love your dad right?" destroyed A LOT in me. I feared love, intimacy. But also there was a need for validation. After all, humans are social creatures and they need closure. Growing up on Media that described Love as this ultimate goal too, I thought "Maybe I have to provide sex in order to love"...not in a prostitution way. But whenever I date, I let my partners do whatever. I said yes, but did I really mean the yes? Or was I dissociating the moment someone even brought up the sex topic?
All I know now is that I'm disgusted with touching human skin. I can't touch them without wearing thick gloves or only touch the fabric of their clothes or otherwise I will throw up and/or feel the need to wash my hands the moment I get the chance to do so. Or rub my hands descritely against the fabric of my clothing because otherwise I will feel panic and uneasiness during the whole conversation (especially in Job interviews. I live in a culture where Handshakes are common. I hate them lol)
Okay, I drifted away from the topic. Generally for me, healing means understanding the way I experience intimacy. I understand that intimacy is something natural. For me however, it feels like a thread. Closure feels like a thread. I prefer not having a partner because people usually mean that they're a thread to my safety too. The moment someone breaks through my barrior and wants intimacy from me (even in hugs) I dissociate.
In short. For me personally, it lead to asexuality. At least I got a bit better with making friends tho. But romantic relationships are still a big no-no for me.
Comment by HellyOHaint at 06/02/2025 at 14:09 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I think that’s pre-healing. If your brain just shuts off an impulse as a defense mechanism, that’s not a healthy long term solution to the trauma.