https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/1iit8rk/trauma_victims_are_boring/
created by akshit_799 on 06/02/2025 at 03:32 UTC*
124 upvotes, 31 top-level comments (showing 25)
Atleast, that’s me. I am 17M, and when i try connecting to my friends or even safe people. I am just frozen and stuck inside with no vibes, emotions or anything. Everything feels fake and forced, and I feel more miserable if I feel that the other person is getting bored due to my presence or better off without me.
Like Even If I Connect my trauma defenses don't allow my 10/10 beast inside of me to come out. Deep Emotional Connection is just a dream, as I think everyone would dislike me for being soo boring. Even though at home I am super funny and enthusiastic, but socially due to my trauma, I SUCK!!
Can you relate or have any tips on how you manage it?
Comment by Equivalent_Agent_800 at 06/02/2025 at 03:43 UTC
32 upvotes, 4 direct replies
I feel similar at 23 except im often relieved when people get bored by me because that means I dont need to humour them anymore or vice versa.. A lot of that is not that I don’t like them or don’t want to be their friend—it’s just the complete lack of energy! But on the rare occasion it comes to me, I suddenly feel like I have a very funny personality too, and I mourn that I hardly ever have the ability to express it and feel like myself. I wonder if you are lacking the energy you need to express yourself, based on your description of no emotions/vibes. If so, that makes a lot of sense. trauma exhausts our bodies as the bulk of our energy goes towards maintaining a vigilant survival state. Sadly, that might mean there is not much left for jokes or camaraderie. But it doesn’t mean you’re empty—You’re still there. First, remember that. Second, if you feel safe doing so, explain to these friends your insecurities, and it might ease some worries that you are boring them.. Third, let yourself rest. That is the most important one. I wish you the best.
Comment by seapancake327 at 06/02/2025 at 03:47 UTC
15 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I felt this way a lot of my life, and I still do sometimes. I don't know about you, but I was put down so much and actually told that I was boring or had no thoughts, nothing useful to say. The older I get, the more I see that it isn't true, and I am just as interesting as any other person. I do think social anxiety gets in my way at times, and I think there is a part of me that still worries I'm boring. All this to say, I think there is a part of you that feels this way too, but that doesn't mean it's true. Over time, you may find other parts that can see the real you and find more of your true inner voice. It's hard. I'm in my 30s and I feel like I only just started truly laughing, which is such a weird thing to think. I spent a long time fake laughing or trying to sound like I thought I should. You'll get there.
Comment by awkwardpencil0 at 06/02/2025 at 03:48 UTC
8 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I totally relate to your experience. I feel the conversations very forced and I have to put on a performance to keep other people interest. But deep down I always feel that I will never be lovable.
I believe this happens because I have not developed a stable sense of self and the ability to connect with another human being. I am afraid to my deepest core and I can never lower my guard down. If the fear is there, connection becomes very difficult. Establishing emotional security is the first step. If I feel secure within myself, I will be able to connect as well.
Establishing emotional security is a unique path. Unconditional love from pets, dancing, psychedelics, religion, 12 step groups and martial arts might help immensely. But ultimately we have to discover for ourselves what works for us. Praying for you 🙏
Comment by dear_kingdom at 06/02/2025 at 04:01 UTC
7 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Funny, I think non-trauma victims are the boring ones! (/j)
I do relate, though. My day-to-day life is, to most people, probably quite boring. I'm doing my own things, going to work and taking care of whatever else needs to be done, but it's very routine. I also tend to hold back around other people until I know them better, which also probably makes me seem boring to others.
That said, though, I am in a *much* better space than I was when I was going partying every weekend. I liked going out to bars and such, I don't regret it or anything. But I was definitely much more unstable back then, and would have breakdowns more frequently. Day-to-day, it might be boring but I'm able to take care of myself better now. And I'm happy about that.
I'm still a bit stuck on how to deal with social situations, I'll admit. I saw a post a while ago that was like "'There's something wrong with me' implies that I think that there's something right with everyone else, which I don't" and honestly, that was game changing. I'm working on not caring and getting myself more out there. I get in my head about it sometimes, I think everyone does, but it's much better to try and work through it and come out of your shell more. It's also way worth it, in that you attract the people you will actually get along with, versus people you only kind of know because you're only showing half your personality.
It's difficult and I'm definitely not at the end of the path (if there is one), but I'm happy with where I am at the moment. It takes a while but you can definitely do it.
Comment by vintageideals at 06/02/2025 at 04:32 UTC
5 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I keep freezing in my relationship. I haven’t been in a real actual live relationship since my husband died 6.5 years ago. I’ve been with someone for a few months now and it took one seemingly minor hiccup to just completely trash the sense of comfort I had. Now I freeze and crap and get so self conscious that I want to become invisible and I can’t 😭 I’m painfully quiet sometimes, I don’t know how or why he deals with it
Comment by thePinkDoxieMama27 at 06/02/2025 at 04:42 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Oh absolutely! I used to struggle with this for years! What helped me was focusing on myself. I began to do things I always wanted to do, began therapy and focused on my physical health as well. The more I focused on myself and learned about myself, I began really feeling inside my body. I had known really kind people and could understand relationship dynamics better over time. I mirrored kind people because I wanted to know more people like them and be like them because it was a good feeling and I felt so connected. Since I knew who I was finally, I acted like myself and people seemed to positively respond to who I am. Every day I continue to grow and heal. If you can do these things, it all gets easier, I promise. I also won't say it's a short journey. It's not. But if you want a harmonious life this is a way to get there.
Comment by kubito_ at 06/02/2025 at 04:46 UTC
4 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I understand you, I'm 17 too. I can barely make friends at school, in fact I'm not in a normal school system anymore, i have just two or three friends from middle school to talk to, but i didn't have a good adolescence, it was the worst stage of my entire life. When i was a child i was almost a leader, i had lots of friends, i was super happy, sociable, charismatic, but everything started to show and go downhill in my pre-teens. I remember that even my elementary school teachers were worried; they saw me very different from usual.
Nowadays i move like a robot, even my friends tell me that, they don't feel me organic or natural. I don't have moments outside the house where i move normally, i don't know what this is, but it's like a constant self-awareness of what i do, of any mistake that makes me look weird or rude, and this ironically makes me boring. It has also affected other aspects of my life, such as art. I've been singing since i was little, but i can no longer move on stage. Everything seems robotic and i always lose competitions because of that.
Comment by Pioneer_Women at 06/02/2025 at 04:50 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Oh hun, you are so young. I find empowerment in athletics. Try dance, running, yoga. Connect and get into your body while around others without the pressure to talk. Run alone if you need to. I get the warm fuzzies from endorphins. It is easier to connect on a surface level in a group fitness setting.
Comment by zarunohn at 06/02/2025 at 04:53 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I hear you brother. I'm 23f and sitting by myself not engaging in laughing and conversations because I simply don't want to (anxiety lol)
Comment by Fickle-Ad8351 at 06/02/2025 at 05:07 UTC
3 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Socializing is already really hard at 17. I think your anxiety about being boring is worse than whether or not you are boring. Most people are "boring". You think you need to be doing something when you are around people and that's not true. Just being around people you like, even if both of you are just on your phones and not taking is enough. I used to have a guy friend and I'd hang out at his house for hours. He would just turn on the TV and we mostly were just on our phones and maybe chat occasionally. We were in our 30s. It's kinda nice to have a friend you can be with and not have an agenda. I think it's more common for guys to sit in silence. I was born a female, but even I can appreciate just being quiet with people.
It's not an instant switch, but remind yourself that you don't need to perform. People like having out with you just because they like you. The more you practice taking the pressure off, the more comfortable you will feel. Then you will begin to express yourself naturally.
Comment by YawningPortal at 06/02/2025 at 06:30 UTC
3 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I believe and am quite sure that you will find that you are very interesting. I also bet your friends would disagree with you. Trauma disconnects us from our authentic voices and selves. There is nothing wrong with you. You get to be whoever you want to be, and Alan Watts once said “you are under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago”.
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2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
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Comment by Melodic-Artist4405 at 06/02/2025 at 04:02 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This is so relatable.
Comment by AfternoonSimilar3925 at 06/02/2025 at 04:08 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Same. There’s a period of time when I’m more relaxed, and that’s when I made a lot of jokes. Mostly I just oscillate between quiet and making really dark/grim jokes.
Comment by walk_with_strangers at 06/02/2025 at 04:36 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This is exactly what I was trying to express in my post yesterday. It’s so frustrating.
Comment by oceancalm_ at 06/02/2025 at 04:51 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Op , the thing that worked for me was find kind people , you have to be vulnerable if u want good emotional connection otherwise there is always a sense of they don't know me , but test the grounds ,try to share small things like a small incident with parents and see how it feels for you with them and their reaction to it , I did find people who I could be genuine with but at a time I couldn't be all me in my all glory to them but I find peace with it ,its ok to have friends who don't have to get all that ,I do know they care for me ,help me out if I need and always wish well for me and like me and enjoy time with me.
Comment by First-Reason-9895 at 06/02/2025 at 05:31 UTC*
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I think there’s something emotionally stuck in me because I get numb the moment I meet like-minded people or even when I’m not numb, there’s still space between me and like-minded people
Comment by thegoblingal at 06/02/2025 at 05:51 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
If you are able, therapy. If not, journal. That has helped me process what I've gone through and helped me get back in touch with my emotions so much!
Comment by HoldEast570 at 06/02/2025 at 06:02 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I (40, f) was not aware of my CPTSD until recently diagnosed. I had lived 2 lives: 1)in my teens and until 32 ( before fibromyalgia: first sign of the hidden CPTSD), I was a trained- introvert ( an introvert who has been exposed to and forced to be extrovert for survival) .... I was extremely extrovert, funny and bubbly. The trauma was deeply buried in the most profound corner of my mind.
I had difficulties understanding how people could be so flexible and interact well with their bosses ( For me, when it is a serious topics in professional capacity, I cannot bend from principles and I was seen as too controlling and difficult to work with). I suffered more traumas ( workplace bullying; rape in a hospital bed; being cheated on by an ex who worked at the same organization with a very publicly discovery while my mother was in ICU with sepsis ( that was harsh...finding the person you could trust unavailable, betrayal and humiliation; pressure from a tiger mum etc.) However, socially ( outside core works issues) I tend to attract the most popular people at school or at workplace, and the trained-introvert was playing her role.
2. After fibromyalgia hits ( mid 30) , I became a different person. Quit that job and became an Introvert, I avoid social gathering and put boundary because my body is too exhausted. I now only text or video call to 10 people maximum per day including work-related. Only one real contact is my husband, whom I also ask for more space when my body is in pain. Occasionally I met with childhood friends and loved ones. Overload is what describes my feelings very often.
All I can tell you is: listen to your body. There is nothing wrong if you feel insecure in a social setting. Accept it, embrace it and by not fighting with that uneasiness, it might go away. ( This is kind of a DBT technique) ....And if you want, fake it until you make it works. Although, I doubt if it was healthy to my mental and physical health over a long run.
Sending all my supports.
Comment by Gagaddict at 06/02/2025 at 07:02 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Hmmm. It might help to reframe your thoughts on it.
Instead of thinking you or other trauma survivors are boring, explore why that might feel like the case? When do you feel not boring?
I also felt like that but I realized it’s just people I’m not in alignment with or haven’t gotten to know very well. Some of us become slow to warm people and that’s ok. It takes us a little extra time to know and trust people.
I appreciate that now since I look at my friendships and I truly love the people I’ve kept and also kept me. I don’t really care for acquaintances much, I don’t consider casual people that will dip or never help if anything goes wrong; they’re not friends.
If you spend conscious time with yourself, like having dinner by yourself or going out for a walk by yourself, it has to be conscious “I’m going to do this by myself” develops a friendship with yourself. And with that you begging to appreciate and care for yourself.
Comment by amogus_obssesed_Gal at 06/02/2025 at 08:14 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Showing energy is not something I struggle with, but I can't commit to people. I struggle to keep in contact, I turn people away in ways I'm unaware of, and this makes me lonely quite a bunch. And people tend to like me but not much more than that
Comment by SnooConfections5206 at 06/02/2025 at 09:34 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It’s because of this dystopian world. I heavily suggest some therpy. U can try a website called better help, it’s one of the cheapest options I found and it’s online calls. And I say try therpy because this could be a form of psychosis. You don’t want to get to used to that numbness, letting it manifest into psychosis or derealization.
Don’t be scared if u feel u fall into these categories. Just have faith your life is rough right now, and only you can work to change it.
Comment by Miserable_Net_1296 at 06/02/2025 at 10:26 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I am 25 & rest story goes same......
Comment by tsukimoonmei at 06/02/2025 at 11:04 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
yeah, this is real :’) inside, i’m a relatively cheerful person (at least I try to be) and i can be really talkative with 1 person I really trust, but other than that, I just feel stuck in my own head. when I’m talking to people I’m not familiar with, it’s like I can’t show any emotions at all. I just wind up dismissively nodding and then trying to get away as soon as possible.
Comment by pullistunut at 06/02/2025 at 11:10 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
i know i’m not boring, but in the non-traditional way. so in ’normal’ social situations i have to force a laugh and keep an eye on the situation at all times to know when to speak, rehearse everything in my head 10 times etc. and even then i’d rather just say nothing at all and be in the background.