https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/1iiq2n5/i_hope_i_die_soon/
created by Dreamboat550 on 06/02/2025 at 00:53 UTC
58 upvotes, 10 top-level comments (showing 10)
I'm not doing well at work. I'm not doing well in my personal life. I have no time for the things I enjoy anymore. I have no one in my life who loves me. I can't take the pain anymore.
I'm being pushed closer and closer to ending my own life. I just have to find the courage to do it. Hopefully in the next 24 hours, but I'm a coward so it's very unlikely.
Comment by apragopolis at 06/02/2025 at 01:03 UTC
20 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Ok, thought experiment that helped me when I was in this place: if everything you say is true—if work and personal stuff isn’t going well, and no one loves you, and you’re going to end it—that is awful, and terribly sad, but doesn’t it also mean that you’re ready to try literally anything else, too, because if that other option doesn’t work out you already know what plan B is?
Nearly a decade ago I quit my job and spent my overdraft on a holiday as a ‘goodbye to life’ present. I felt free in a way I hadn’t in years. I met new people, did new things, and when I got back home being straight up broke and suddenly wanting to live forced me to make new choices and reprioritise ruthlessly. Life is short and it sucks and unless I divested entirely from my abusive mother—no mental energy her way, even—I was wasting that life.
I’m not going to encourage you to do what I did—because to be honest it could have worked out a lot more poorly than it did! But I would say that if you don’t like your job and you want to end your life, try ending the job FIRST. Worst case scenario, that big red button is still there. Until then, there are lots of things you can try to see if that red button becomes less appealing.
Is there anyone in your life you could speak to right now? Not even necessarily about how you’re feeling—just someone to hang out with and maybe watch a movie or something. Life can be very isolating if we’re not careful
Comment by jinbe-san at 06/02/2025 at 01:01 UTC
16 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Just when I read this, my cat came to sit next to me, just like he did yesterday when I was feeling the same way. Maybe he’s sending you some good vibes.
Comment by Howie_Dewit at 06/02/2025 at 05:33 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Dont know what to say but i feel the same way. Its been for years but right now its really bad. I’ve been calling out of work a whole lot. I dont mean to get political or know what country you live in but im American and my country is being destroyed around me and a lot of the people i know think good things are happening
Comment by merRedditor at 06/02/2025 at 01:15 UTC*
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Sometimes it helps to write up a list of what you would do in your final weeks or months if you knew that you were about to die. If you end your life, you are giving up the opportunity to do those things first.
For example: If you're being driven to breaking point by health worries, stress about the future, and relentless job pressure, but you still have PTO in the bank and could take it and just give zero fucks about your health or the future for a few weeks and dissociate into a hobby you haven't allowed yourself any leisure for since childhood, you'll lose that opportunity to use that time and take that break if you die now.
There's also the fact that the world is very tumultuous and anything could happen, so circumstances may change dramatically.
Can you put in for leave? If you qualify for FMLA, what you're going through is a valid cause to take some job-protected time. If you do, give it a few days to basically detox from work stress. If you have any old contacts, friend or family, even whom you haven't seen in years, send them a hello or a meme to reopen points of contact. If your work has EAP, they will give you therapy sessions to start with.
Just step back from the ledge. It looks grim, but it's not a done deal yet. You can recenter and then reassess the situation.
Comment by BodhingJay at 06/02/2025 at 01:50 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
You can get rid of everything, quit your job, leave and start over again?
Figure out what's not working and do it differently.. you know?
Make some radical changes if you need to.. try one at a time. Figure out what works? You can always end things after you tried everything
Comment by Hitman__Actual at 06/02/2025 at 06:06 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
When I feel like this, I imagine I'm about to jump off a bridge, but a successful business man notices and comes up to me and says "here's a briefcase with £100k I it, would you like to take this money and use it to live off while you get to the bottom of what's wrong with you?"
Whenever I run this thought experiment, the answer is "yes", which makes me realise that my issue isn't being alive, it's being alive "*In this life*". It reminds me I do want to live, but the circumstances of this life are the shitty things pulling me down.
Comment by JanJan89_1 at 06/02/2025 at 09:31 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
My recent way of attemptimg suicide was trying "karoshi" - overworking myself to death in my toxic workplace. It will fail because I didnt meet the expectations so they gave me less working hours. I will have to look for new work and probably will end up in another hellscape soon.
Comment by AutoModerator at 06/02/2025 at 00:53 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local emergency services[1], or use our list of crisis resources[2]. For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the wiki[3]. For those posting or replying, please view the etiquette guidelines[4].
1: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers
2: https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources
3: https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index
4: https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide
5: /message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD
Comment by playfulCandor at 06/02/2025 at 01:30 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I hope instead that you live long enough for things to get better. I certainly hope I can live until things are easier or better.
Comment by computethat at 06/02/2025 at 05:03 UTC
0 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Dm