https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/1iiipr0/just_realize_why_i_stay_up_late/
created by Hesperus07 on 05/02/2025 at 19:38 UTC
279 upvotes, 23 top-level comments (showing 23)
Gotta be alert and stay safe! Until the dawn strikes
Comment by Rough_Avocado_9907 at 05/02/2025 at 20:23 UTC
159 upvotes, 4 direct replies
I'm struggling with that as well. I think it is because night is the only vaguely safe time, when all dangers/abusers are asleep.
Comment by Fluffy_Ace at 05/02/2025 at 21:03 UTC*
69 upvotes, 3 direct replies
There's an official name for this behavior/habit, which I'm forgetting at the moment.
But the simple version is that people do it because they know everyone else is asleep and can't bother them or cause trouble.
Comment by Benji_- at 05/02/2025 at 22:19 UTC
40 upvotes, 1 direct replies
For me it was the only time I wasn't a target for my parents abuse so I think subconsciously I tend to stay up really late as a way to cope.
Comment by Marier2 at 05/02/2025 at 23:05 UTC
41 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Night is the safest, most quiet time for me to exist; no one is asking anything of me/expecting me to be on my game emotionally, it's the only time I do anything just because *I* want to.
Love the Minecraft reference, OP. 👌🏻
Comment by Amaranth_Grains at 06/02/2025 at 03:25 UTC
27 upvotes, 1 direct replies
My bf hit me with a truth bomb. Apparently I stay up so I can do my own thing and not be judged or interrupted or teased or critiqued. Hit me like a ton a bricks but dang it was accurate
Comment by Sociallyinclined07 at 05/02/2025 at 19:58 UTC
19 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I can relate, the abuse that i endured was often linked with how "tired" my abuser felt, it was mostly at night.
Comment by KittenBrawler-989 at 05/02/2025 at 21:27 UTC
13 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I have a very hard time going to sleep. I have to take some serious meds and have a good sleep hygiene to get adequate sleep. And still fight with break through insomnia.
Comment by heyalllondon18 at 06/02/2025 at 00:18 UTC
12 upvotes, 1 direct replies
My therapist has been trying to help me figure out why I’ve had insomnia so bad my whole life. When I’m sleeping with someone I’m okay, but I will force myself to stay awake even when I’m tired if I’m by myself. I don’t think it’s the same reason as you stated, but I hope I figure it out soon.
Comment by indielist at 06/02/2025 at 01:45 UTC
11 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I always stay up late because it was the only time I was free from the watchful eye.
Comment by white-knight-owl at 06/02/2025 at 02:23 UTC
8 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Thanks for sharing. It's an interesting discussion.
For me, I don't feel safe at night because that's when the majority of the abuse happened. I remember as early as 4 years old staring out my window waiting for the sun to rise, which meant I made it through another night.
If I'm awake, he won't touch me.
I only feel "safeish" in the middle of the day (when they were at work). I have struggled with this all of my life.
At least now I have reddit to occupy the wee hours of the night.
Comment by Kintsugi_Ningen_ at 05/02/2025 at 20:53 UTC
6 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Yeah, same here. A lot of the real crazy stuff happened in the middle of the night when he had been drinking. I got used to being woken up at all hours and having to deal with insane situations. I never felt safe at night, so it's not surprising that I still struggle to relax at times, and I can't sleep through until morning.
Comment by Irejay907 at 06/02/2025 at 01:18 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
For me i figured out this very specifically somehow is tied to 'when all lights are off you may sleep'
So now i just keep a few large pillar candles which do NOT count to my brain as 'someone is up and still active so you must be' and they actually let the sleep fog creep in
Comment by fairyfrogger at 05/02/2025 at 23:28 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
For me, it started when I moved out of my family’s house for the first time. I was dealing with a lot of past trauma at the time and was terrified to sleep because the nightmares were so bad. I would stay awake until the sun had been up for a couples of hours then nap in my living room. This went on for about a year until my boyfriend and I moved in with another person. I always felt more comfortable sleeping when there were multiple people spread throughout the house. I still struggled with some mild paranoia that kept me awake, but it was more so my inability to break the habit of staying up late that kept me from sleeping. I didn’t mind it throughout my twenties, but now that I’m slightly older (early 30s) and just plain exhausted all the time, I hate it. I enjoy the alone time too much to fully commit to fixing it though. I do find it ironic how much I used to dread nighttime and now it’s the only time I feel truly relaxed lol
Comment by faloon_13 at 06/02/2025 at 01:36 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
one of my few memories i have from being with my biological parents is being awake in the middle of the night because they were screaming at eachother while high. i just sat in my crib with my cat, hiding. although i never actually put the thought of that happening together with my insomnia, but it makes a ton of sense
Comment by Right_Detail6565 at 05/02/2025 at 23:13 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yep
Comment by KlutzyImagination418 at 05/02/2025 at 23:51 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This and also night time feels like the only safe time to be myself and do things I enjoy and also I’m scared to sleep sometimes because of the nightmares I sometimes get. ☹️
Comment by RepFilms at 06/02/2025 at 02:43 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I keep the lights on all night. I sometimes use a light bulb that mimics sunlight. It makes sharing a bed with someone else very difficult but I do need to get as much sleep as possible.
Comment by Nicole_0818 at 06/02/2025 at 03:04 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Same. It used to be out of terror for my life. Then it was because I associated eating to fall asleep with terror. And partly insomnia from idk what trauma maybe.
Comment by Unlikely-Trifle3125 at 06/02/2025 at 04:52 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
For me it’s the time of peace where I won’t receive requests. When I lived with people it was the time I could breathe.
Comment by Lexloner at 06/02/2025 at 06:58 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Hi it's 2am I told myself i got off the couch to "go to bed" at 10pm 11pm I finished cleaning my living room and kitchen at 12 I turned off the real housewives of new York that I decided was a good time to start a over decade old TV show and I stopped Journaling "going to bed for sure now" wide awake now. Do I take the ambian for the first time because I've been scared, I'll do something dangerous, and im alone? Nope, cause what if something happens and I'm all ambianed out. No, sir gotta get as little sleep as possible to stay safe.
Comment by Spiritual_Job_1029 at 06/02/2025 at 13:30 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I like late night cuz of the peace and calmness
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1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
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Comment by wkgko at 06/02/2025 at 10:47 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I associate sleeping with bad dreams. I used to be quite scared to go to bed. It’s no longer as bad, but I still don’t look forward to it.
And the other aspect is that I hate going to sleep with unsolved problems. It makes me anxious and sad. And unfortunately my life has always been an unsolved problem. Part of me is obsessively looking for a solution, which would be anything to look forward to.