https://www.reddit.com/r/Buddhism/comments/1h4bxzb/how_to_not_react_but_keep_my_sanity/
created by Thecatsvans on 01/12/2024 at 19:58 UTC
8 upvotes, 10 top-level comments (showing 10)
I live in an apartment complex where it’s obviously old and walls are thin, yet my upstairs neighbors run their washing machine, which is technically not even okay to have all day. When I spoke to them about this they do it more and on purpose. It’s a husband and wife, the husband throws things on purpose when I’m in the bath they deliberately run their bath on and off and I can hear them laughing through the vent. It’s awful and I can o my take so much. Most of the time I don’t react I try to simply let it go, but it’s literal taunting and maybe I’m just not wrong enough spiritually to deal with it, but I want to stick to not harming.
What to do how to let it not “get to me”. It really sucks, but I know I must protect my goodwill, but in this instance I am repressing my anger and fear of this violent man (he’s attacked another neighbor for taking his wife’s Peking spot in a family emergency).
Comment by Mysterious-Peace-576 at 01/12/2024 at 20:08 UTC
5 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Do you have management you can tell? He should already be on thin ice for attacking someone so deliberately making noises when he’s not supposed to should be a violation. Put your own breathing mask on first.
Comment by PuddingWaste8819 at 01/12/2024 at 20:16 UTC
3 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Try to meditate Vipassana. whatever happen to you, you won't mind them anymore. Or try mettā meditation (wishing peace repeatedly for both body and mind of your enemy)
Comment by ItsYa1UPBoy at 01/12/2024 at 20:26 UTC
3 upvotes, 1 direct replies
You've said you already talked to the manager. Now call the cops and tell them that your upstairs neighbors are harassing you. Also, if he attacks anyone else, take a video of it and call the cops to let them know someone is assaulting someone else outside your apartment.
Comment by Specific-Being417 at 01/12/2024 at 20:35 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
One practical solution (if you can't solve the problem another way) is to get a pair of silicone earplugs.
Meditation on the noises and how they make you feel/react is great. But, sometimes our reactions are so strong and have built up so much over time that it's really difficult to just dive into the thick of it right away.
So, try to work with the smaller, less irritating moments of noise. Meditate on the sensations of the noise, how your mind reacts and tells stories about them, and finally, try to send your neighbors some compassion.
And if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed with some noises which are unbearable, put the earplugs in. It's not a failure, you're just not up to working with things at that level yet. You're just guarding your sanity for the time being. You don't want to push yourself over the threshold where your sanity leaves you and your mind goes wild, because that isn't conducive to calmly working with aversion.
Anyway, I wish you luck and I hope things get better for you!
Comment by NangpaAustralisMajor at 01/12/2024 at 20:52 UTC
3 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I once stayed in a place where I could hear this couple fighting. I could hear every word. What they said was so damaging and cruel. I could hear her cry. I could also hear him hit her. Each slap and punch. I think he beat her with something like a belt or cord as she would shriek.
Almost daily for the time I was there.
Call the police and the would come out and it was start with a vengeance again. This was in a time and place she would have to press charges.
I was staying here for an extended period to be near a teacher.
I am not sure there is a way to not react, to not be effected. If one's samadhi is such that one doesn't notice, then that is great. If not-- you notice.
We can train in developing balanced sensitivity. B Allan Wallace has written on this. Our practice need not hypersensitize us, make us more brittle.
Without getting into his work, one thing that can help is to simply note what is happening. Sound. Sound. Sound. Instead of noting it and engaging into an evaluation. Why are they doing this? Do they have no respect? That's a sound. And that too.
That can allow you to simply witness. But it's a practice. It's hard.
Comment by tradwife_69 at 01/12/2024 at 20:08 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Can you not chat with the manager of the apartments? If it’s bothering you enough and it can’t be fixed you can either radically accept that this is how it is, keep fretting, or move. There may be other options via brainstorming but I have moved because of neighbors that screamed a lot and it really disrupted my peace.
Comment by slartibartfast93 at 01/12/2024 at 20:57 UTC
1 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I have been in a similar situation as yours, so I understand what you are going through. Their taunting has nothing to do with you — it’s just the way they are. How people act towards us reflects on them , not on us. So, as difficult as it may be, try not to let it get to you.
However, if it is causing disturbance in other ways, ask yourself: what is the middle path here? While I encourage you to use this as an opportunity to train yourself and grow more peaceful, at the same time, try to change the situation to something more conducive. The trouble you are going through is just the arising. Don’t treat the arising; treat the conditions. Even before the fire is lit, it is already there in the matchbox. It’s better to treat the conditions and not just the flames.
There are several conditions here you can treat:
1. I don’t know how you conveyed it to them, but it’s evident they have taken offense. If you can, ask once more and be very polite and respectful.
2. If it’s still not working, then try relocating.
Comment by schwendigo at 01/12/2024 at 21:42 UTC
1 upvotes, 1 direct replies
This keeps coming up for me more and more.
Not a fix-all, but useful to keep in mind and practice, when possible.
https://thubtenchodron.org/2019/04/accepting-defeat-and-offering-the-victory/
Comment by jgarcya at 01/12/2024 at 20:08 UTC
0 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Your ego is getting control of you...
Compassion is the ego killer...
So take you out of the situation... Allow them to be them... As you would hope they allow you to be you.
No other shall have the ability or power to disturb your Peace.
Go do something nice for others.
Comment by Thecatsvans at 01/12/2024 at 20:38 UTC
0 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Thank you so much🙏 yes I have gotten these earplugs and it’s been great, except when my son is here, so I do use them when I can.
And again, thank you for your thorough response. I know compassion cita way stronger than hate or aversion and if I am serious about the path. I need to be smarter/kinder with myself.