https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/1ib5at6/how_to_be_independent_when_im_old/
created by throwawaycat64 on 27/01/2025 at 10:22 UTC
85 upvotes, 28 top-level comments (showing 25)
Society keeps pushing the idea that I need to have kids by 30 or my future is doomed. Honestly, I’ve been dealt a pretty rough hand in life, and I don’t want to tie myself down to a man just for the sake of having kids.
For women over 30, how have you ensured you can stand on your own two feet as you grow older? Whether financially, emotionally, or socially, what plans or steps have you taken to make sure you'll be okay even in your later years? I’d really love to hear your stories and advice.
Comment by TinyFlufflyKoala at 27/01/2025 at 10:33 UTC
127 upvotes, 2 direct replies
There are two life period after retirement: the healthy one with lots of free time, and the one where you need frequent care ("old age").
You want a wheelchair-accessible place that is comfortable and easy to maintain and afford. You also want to be a bus ride or walking distance from a small clinic or a hospital (think: doctors, physio, etc).
The "trick" is to make your living costs manageable so you can still afford vegetables and heating in old age. The other "trick" is to keep your social network active and, as you get old, to also befriend people 10-20 years younger.
The habits you make now prepare yourself for aging. So learn to cook, go on daily walks, learn and practice your mobility and sport, keep your mind engaged intellectually, curate your friendships.
That's my retirement plan :)
Comment by EvilLipgloss at 27/01/2025 at 11:35 UTC
30 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Put money away for retirement. Daily walks and activity so my body can move well into my elder years. Strength training and yoga. Running because I love it.
I’ve seen what a sedentary life will do to people. My mom has been largely sedentary since her 50s and now at 70, she spends all her days in bed. She can’t walk very far. She can’t even lift her 20lb grandchild.
My dad has been more or less active by working until he was 70 and gardening. He is the one who cleans their house. He’s always working on a project. We have to ask him to rest. He does have aches and pains and he would’ve benefited greatly from added strength training to his routine. But he’s doing much better than my mom who has unfortunately severely limited her world.
Comment by kaledit at 27/01/2025 at 12:28 UTC
18 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I take strength training very seriously and I've been lifting weights 4x week for the last 7 years and plan to keep doing it as long as I can. I love doing it but a bigger reason is to strengthen my bones so a fall doesn't take me out when I'm older. Women are at a much greater risk of falls than men and many women experience rapid declines in their health after a fall. No, drinking milk doesn't really do much for your bones. They need to have a load put on them to keep them strong. It's crazy to me that more doctors aren't pushing weights on women. It's life or death.
Comment by DoubleDigits2020 at 27/01/2025 at 13:00 UTC
19 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Having kids is not a retirement plan. They cost a lot of money and there’s no guarantee they’re going to care for you when you’re older. Ask anyone that’s worked in a retirement home.
Comment by Junior_Round_5513 at 27/01/2025 at 10:45 UTC
12 upvotes, 0 direct replies
For me I do salary sacrifice to my super (retirement fund, idk if super is universal) and I make extra payments to my mortgage. It should be paid off by the time I'm 50.
The goal is to retire early and comfortably; enjoy the last couple of decades then be able to afford proper care when I can no longer care for myself.
Comment by Immediately_no_ at 27/01/2025 at 10:45 UTC
23 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I am 34f, married and childfree. Personally I lucked out and found a wonderful partner who supports me in everything and has the same outlook on retirement and children. Went to school and studied something that would ensure plenty of options for careers, secure a career that pays well enough for me to pay off debts and save as much for retirement as financially possible. I am not sure what life will look like when I am old but I know a couple of things: 1. Having kids does not guarantee you a care taker or even company 2. Having money makes aging easier
Comment by TRADERAV at 27/01/2025 at 12:06 UTC
24 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Paying a support worker >>>>> your kids taking care of you.
Over 10 years working as a nurse and I can assure you kids don't have time to take care of their elderly parents. I am assuming this is why you're asking this question but you didn't specify.
Set aside lots of money for retirement. It'd be easier to know if I was going to die at 80 or 90. Like that's another 10 years of savings! To caution on the safe side I have set aside enough money and assets to keep me going until I'm 120 lol
Comment by ezhikVtymane at 27/01/2025 at 12:02 UTC*
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I think I started off by getting a degree that can be applied in various jobs and typically well paid.
I contribute to my retirement account as much as I can and generally try to be financially conscious.
I follow /personalfinance and /fire subs here to lean more about what I can do to position myself well financially.
My to do items are to research the most walkable cities in US and see if I can start planning to move there. Also an alternative to travel outside the US and see if there is a good place to retire to and what that would take. (The reason is that it's probably cheaper, and has better communal support)
I really hope women will start creating communities for/with each other more.
Comment by debeber at 27/01/2025 at 12:55 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I would like to remain child-free, so these are the things that put me a bit more at ease about getting older.
Comment by issabellamoonblossom at 27/01/2025 at 11:03 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I have been putting extra money in my super (401k for those in us) and money into an investment fund ready retirement. I plan to buy a small plot of land using the investment money in a little town(one side to the other only takes 6min by car)and put a tiny house on it. Edit to add having kids doesn't mean they will look after you in old age. I work in a hospital and there are so many elderly patients who kids do not visit and do not care about them. So stop caring about what a majority of society thinks we should do get out there and meet people who are like minded.
Comment by MexicanSnowMexican at 27/01/2025 at 11:12 UTC
6 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Work on being as strong as you can be
Save as much money as you can and reduce your mandatory expenses
Form a community
Comment by iiiaaa2022 at 27/01/2025 at 11:12 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
You start the following early and make them a habit, also you constantly keep on learning about these:
Investments, social skills & connections, working out, dementia prevention, cognitive skills, healthy nutrition, dental work and general health check-ups.
Comment by Elebenteen_17 at 27/01/2025 at 12:50 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Engage in exercise. I just had abdominal surgery a few weeks ago and recovery was reasonably simple and I know it’s because I’m physically active. I will be 39 this year. That made it hit home how I need to stay strong in the future.
Money wise. Work on bad habits and save for retirement. Keep learning. I am still doing certifications to keep growing in my career.
Comment by lilrudegurl33 at 27/01/2025 at 13:35 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
IMO…you need to be financially independent. either through a job of YOUR own or investments of YOUR own.
Being emotionally stable. Yes its nice when someone can show/give affection or be supportive, but youve also got to be able to do it for yourself. Had a bad day, journal or go work out Feeling ill or get a bug, know what makes you feel better, go to a dr if need be, just get thru of the sickness.
Become knowledgeable of the tools that are available. I think this is a main factor that a majority of women lack. Because society has painted the damsel in distress ideology for centuries. If you have to want to do whatever it is on your own.
Ive been on my since I was 19. my dad really wanted me to be very independent. One thing I remember him telling me when I was 9y/o, “you dont need to depend on anyone but yourself. You dont need a man to pay your bills, feed you, or take care of you.”
I’ve invested into retirement funds and other investments so I can retire properly and have a job that I can retire with a pension and healthcare. I do have a bit of an advantage of being a Veteran and having that healthcare if needed.
Comment by ApprehensiveAnswer5 at 27/01/2025 at 13:39 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I just wanted to say that, I do have children, but I did not have them so that they would care for me when they are older.
If they want to be involved and have the ability to do that, great, but caring for me is not their responsibility or their duty.
I am my own responsibility. I need to be physically and mentally and financially able to care for myself as I age and get older, and then elderly.
Financial planning is always a good place to start, and I think a lot of people understand that angle.
Keeping your body in sound shape is also important. If you are relying on yourself, then you have to be capable.
Strength training, good stretching or yoga, walking, etc are all things that help keep your body in shape but also help you continue to be able to do things alone. You may need to be able to hoist or lift yourself up, make small repairs around your home, open things or close things well, etc.
And for those of us with partners, you may need to be able do those things for your partner.
Our neighborhood has a lot of seniors and the most attended call for our local fire station is for lift assist. When people have fallen and can’t lift themselves and their partner cannot also lift them.
Personal experience wise, I had a stroke a week after having my boys, and luckily (all things considered) the delivery had been months early and they were in NICU, so I had time to be at home and try to recover and relearn things before they came home too.
But having to be helped to do every little thing was such a mindtrip. My husband had to get me out of the bed, and into the shower or to the bathroom and then I had to be helped to shower and helped use the bathroom. I had to be helped to walk around, supervised. Had to get help eating, etc. Someone had to drive me around, to and from the hospital to see the babies, etc.
And he did all of that for me, without blinking an eye. But it was definitely a good look at what it can be like in older age if one of you is unable to be independent and relies on the other for care. Or if you are alone and rely on a caretaker.
Comment by debbie666 at 27/01/2025 at 14:28 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Owning a home that is on one level (bungalow, rancher) will help with financial security and ease of living, and starting right now to exercise daily (cardio, strength, flexibility) will provide not only physical benefits but cognitive as well. Apparently, exercise works your brain way more than any puzzle can.
Comment by Dawn36 at 27/01/2025 at 13:05 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Having kids won't help when you're older. I've been estranged from my parents for a long time, most of my siblings are also estranged. My friend is a "personal assistant" for a 91yo woman, her children do not help in any capacity, from what I've heard in how she speaks to my friend I can understand why.
Try to make sure you're able to have secure housing, get all of your paperwork organized and keep it up to date, and invest in retirement.
I luckily own my home and I have a pension. I'm still nowhere near retirement, but just having a home, income, and healthcare will be a good start for me. I should probably start taking my lazy ass back to the gym though.
Comment by tea-and-crumpets4 at 27/01/2025 at 12:57 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
We definitely aren't having children.
We are currently house hunting as we are relocating. We are considering how well we can live in the house when we are elderly. As we are looking at properties that need a fair amount of work done we will be levelling floors and putting in the same floor through the ground floor. We are only looking at properties with a downstairs toilet or where one can be put in.
Once we are settled and finances are more predictable again we have additional private pensions. Any money saved by not having children is going to be invested. We are not fussed by having birthday and Christmas presents from each other (and do experiences with adult family and friends) so we put a lump sum into savings at Christmas and for each birthday instead.
Comment by TheSunscreenLife at 27/01/2025 at 13:40 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Have a living will or advanced directive. This is so important. If you don’t have children to make these decisions for you? The default is to do everything. Let’s say you have a stroke and are unable to communicate and are obtunded with no brain function. If you have an advanced directive that says you don’t want to be connected to machines to be “alive” if you have no quality of life, then the doctors can take you off life support. Otherwise, you’ll be connected to machines, slowly wasting away, getting bed sores, and eventually an infection that kills you. It’s a bad way to go.
Comment by Hello_Hangnail at 27/01/2025 at 14:05 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I don't make enough money to make big plans for retirement, I have a tiny 401k and was hoping the payments from that plus social security would be enough, but with trump president we can probably kiss that goodby. I'm probably going to drop dead on the job, tbh. I can't have kids, and my sister lives across the nation from me so I hope maybe I'll be able to move before I'm too feeble. Honestly, I've always kind of assumed suicide by overdose was going to be my retirement plan
Comment by thelensbetween at 27/01/2025 at 14:09 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Children aren't a retirement plan. My dad's wife just died and my grandmother is hinting to my brother that he and I should be responsible for helping take care of our dad (who had the women in his life do all the heavy lifting all his life). NO. We are busy with our own families.
We have a child, but our plan is this: Save lots for retirement so that we do not have to financially rely on our son. We contribute to pensions, Roth IRA, and deferred compensation (sort of like a 401k). It might be overkill, but I'd rather live simply now and pass along the excess to our son than to run out of money and be a burden. We stay active and eat well to take care of our bodies. And we plan to stay mentally fit, as well.
Comment by strawberrylemontart at 27/01/2025 at 14:12 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
You get a career that pays well and that also doesn't stress you out. Learn how to be professional with coworkers and nothing more, unless you want to. Learn how to job hop every few years, for higher pay somewhere else, if you want. Save money each paycheck. When grocery shopping, I buy whatever is on sale from the weekly ads and make meals out of that. Knowing when to treat yourself.
I workout 3/4 days out the week. I want to make sure my body is strong and capable. I would prefer not to have a walker or wheelchair when I get older if possible. I eat healthy 5/6 days out of the week.
I don't care about having a social life. I like being alone and I have no problem doing things by myself. If I get friends later on, cool, if not then also cool.
I will be childfree and I'm not for or against finding a partner. However, the picking pool is slim. The amount of energy I have to put into dating, is not worth it right now.
Comment by autotelica at 27/01/2025 at 14:30 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I am probably more mindful about keeping my salary competitive than many of my married counterparts are. Every extra dollar I acquire through salary renegotiation is driven by my desire to have a comfortable, care-free retirement. I have a pension with my employer and it is a pretty decent one, but I am still throwing a lot into my investment savings. Because I want to be able to hire home nursing care if it should come to that or move into a fairly decent assisted living facility if it should come to that.
My sister and I have talked about living together when we become elderly and frail. That way we can share resources and keep each other company. I am down for that but I know a Plan B would be a smart thing to have.
Comment by shrewess at 27/01/2025 at 15:38 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I bought a ranch house that had already been modified by the previous owners have main floor laundry instead of basement laundry so really never have to use the stairs. If I ever to need to move out into assisted living, the home is an asset that can help pay for my care. Other than that I just maintain an active lifestyle, save for retirement, and hope for the best.
Comment by zestfully_clean_ at 28/01/2025 at 00:22 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Stuff that Roth IRA with cash, baby. And invest it.