https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/1iayuvf/ladies_in_perfectly_healthy_overall_happy/
created by randomthrowaway22447 on 27/01/2025 at 03:42 UTC
163 upvotes, 83 top-level comments (showing 25)
Comment by Old-Cockroach1921 at 27/01/2025 at 04:00 UTC
372 upvotes, 7 direct replies
Yes, but I have ocd and it’s one of my intrusive thoughts.
Comment by onwardsAnd-upwards at 27/01/2025 at 06:05 UTC
149 upvotes, 3 direct replies
Yes. We’ve had a really rough trot though. We lost our only child and then subsequently have been going through 5+ years of infertility trying to have another. I think anyone with BIG TRAUMA like that are going to have a lot more to work through with their partner than the average person - which in turn leads to doubts. I think that also includes ppl who had those traumas before even meeting their partner. The important thing though is that at the end of the day we always come back together and know we love one another. Sometimes it’s just hard work to do so.
I hope that answer gives you a realistic insight into the fact that you can have a great relationship but even diamonds can crack under pressure.
Comment by Quiet-Painting3 at 27/01/2025 at 05:21 UTC
82 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I have the thought “maybe I’m better off on my own”, but I think that’s a me issue. I have it in all my relationships - friends, family, etc.
Comment by bubble-tea-mouse at 27/01/2025 at 05:33 UTC
163 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I have severe anxiety and I question every single decision I’ve ever made on a regular basis, including relationships. But when I snap out of that frenzy of self doubt, I love my husband more than anyone else on earth and I can’t imagine life without him.
Comment by shattered_kitkat at 27/01/2025 at 05:01 UTC
48 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Nope, never. I'm more scared he'll change his mind, but I know that's my trauma intruding.
Comment by metaltsoris at 27/01/2025 at 04:07 UTC
242 upvotes, 2 direct replies
no because I don't believe in that. frankly I think the idea of having a "person" is simplistic for mature adult relationships. people grow and change throughout their life, and so do their priorities and needs. I think it's OK to just have someone who is a good fit for you depending on where you're at in your individual journey of emotional/romantic/sexual/intellectual development. if that's the same person for 5 years or 50, that's also OK.
I've been with my partner for a long time and I do occasionally feel like there are ways I'd prefer him to be different. but in the end the comfort and love and support he gives me outweigh that.
Comment by jubilee__ at 27/01/2025 at 04:41 UTC
66 upvotes, 3 direct replies
No. I’ve never been more sure of something.
Comment by Gold-Pilot-8676 at 27/01/2025 at 07:25 UTC
22 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Never. My husband and I have been together since 97 & I still smile whenever he sends a text, get excited when he's almost home from work, and just love being with him.
Comment by LTOTR at 27/01/2025 at 03:59 UTC
94 upvotes, 2 direct replies
No. Not once.
But sometimes I miss casual sex.
Comment by alces-alces12 at 27/01/2025 at 04:03 UTC
52 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I did with my ex, with whom I tried to convince myself I was happy (enough) for a long time. Never with my husband. I think in the back of our finds we always know when something’s off.
Comment by Correct-Sprinkles-21 at 27/01/2025 at 04:35 UTC
32 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I had a very weird episode 1.5 years in where I had about a week of intense intrusive thoughts along the lines of "What if I am faking my own feelings and I'm actually lying to myself about the fact that I love him?" It wasn't questioning whether he was right for me. Just the anxious part of my brain being an asshole, as usual. I doubt and question myself about everything, so of course it happened around my relationship too.
Other than that, no. He's the one I want to grow old with.We are ridiculously compatible. We understand each other like no one else. We've developed a very deep friendship along with the romance. When I am in his presence I am happy and at peace.
There are times when I worry about how we will navigate certain issues. We're two different people so we have different ways of doing things and different perspectives. But it's never "Should I be with him?" in that situation. It's "How can we make this work?"
Comment by goldandjade at 27/01/2025 at 05:00 UTC
30 upvotes, 1 direct replies
If a thought like that crosses my mind I remind myself how good I have it and how many nightmare men are out there I could be dealing with instead.
Comment by m0nstera_deliciosa at 27/01/2025 at 07:04 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Weirdly, I don’t ever feel like that, for the first time in my life. Even when we’re fighting, I’m like, ‘this is my person, so I will see this argument through and we’ll be okay.’ I have total faith in my relationship. I really think there is nothing we couldn’t face together.
Comment by ruminajaali at 27/01/2025 at 13:43 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yes, because I’m a very independent person and I fear I’ll be held back from my goals. Intrusive thoughts
Comment by Birgitte-boghaAirgid at 27/01/2025 at 11:42 UTC
17 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Yes sometimes he still doesn't manage to put his socks in the laundry basket and then I see red and think "maybe I'd be better off with someone else than this feckin eejit" but then he makes me laugh, or he came home with my favourite snacks or he already anticipated I'd be upset and apologises even before I said anything and I'm instantly reminded that I'm the luckiest woman alive and that my period is coming up 😂
Comment by waxingtheworld at 27/01/2025 at 05:08 UTC
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Early there were ruts where I wondered if this was what I wanted.
Then I communicated that whatever it was isnt working for me. It's been many years since feeling that way
Comment by insight_ursula at 27/01/2025 at 08:38 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
no, but that’s because i dated my husband in 2018, broke up with him (because i was dumb and thought the grass was greener), and reconnected with and married him in 2024. he was lovely the entire time- i just needed to grow up. in the 5 years apart, i became 100% certain he was my person.
Comment by cassinea at 27/01/2025 at 12:02 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
No. My husband has improved my life in every possible way by being in it. Here’s an example of why.
I texted him that I loved him while he was at work one day.
He replied: “I like to imagine I was in a bad place, found a genie, and wished for a nice peaceful life, with a beautiful caring wife and here I am!”
Comment by pnwhare at 27/01/2025 at 04:07 UTC
13 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Not once in our 17 years together.
Comment by thelittlebird at 27/01/2025 at 12:27 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
No, this is the most secure thing I’ve ever known. The comfort and happiness of this marriage is the safest and most undeniable thing.
Comment by deadkate at 27/01/2025 at 12:28 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
In every past relationship of my life, yes. Usually shortly before leaving.
There are billions of people in the world. I've only tried out like five of them. (Long term, I mean.)
I'm not going to play around with bullshit and not listen to my inner instincts anymore.
Comment by Shep_vas_Normandy at 27/01/2025 at 13:14 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Not me. Been two years and honestly have never been with someone more perfect for me. There have been times when I may have found something about him slightly annoying or maybe something minor he should work on, but otherwise no.
Comment by McRachael23 at 27/01/2025 at 15:33 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
No, the relationship I have with my husband is the best and easiest thing in my life. I love him so much, but I think he might love me even more.
Comment by NoWordsJustDogs at 27/01/2025 at 03:49 UTC
10 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Nope.
Even when I want to bury him in a hole, he’s still the person I can tolerate the most.
Comment by Legitimate-Hat7948 at 27/01/2025 at 03:50 UTC
13 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yes