Update: Supplementary rules for Thersday here to stay, a clarification regarding our disrespectful commentary rule, and a THANK YOU!

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/nswcxs/update_supplementary_rules_for_thersday_here_to/

created by AutoModerator on 05/06/2021 at 14:00 UTC

277 upvotes, 15 top-level comments (showing 15)

Hey everyone! Hope your June is off to a fine start. We're here with some notes and updates about moderation policy. Without further delay:

Thersday

You suggested and we listened: you wanted a day free of motherhood, parenting, pregnancy, and similar related posts! In response, we expanded our theme day, Thersday, to limit posts only to women themselves, outside of any relationships with other people. It was initially implemented as a trial, and we are happy to announce that due to good feedback, this change is here to stay. We’re pleased with the creativity and variety of topics posted as a result of theme days, and as far as we can tell, so are you!

An important clarification regarding our rule against disrespectful commentary

At AskWomen, we strive to be an inclusive space. Statistically, approximately 1 in 5 adults will experience some form of mental illness in their lifetime. As we grow as a subreddit, we want to maintain a space where we can both include and be understanding of one another. As such, we are expanding this policy to now include pathologizing language/armchair diagnosing. We feel that, whether intentional or not, casual use of diagnostic labels to describe everyday behaviour can exclude and be harmful to people experiencing mental illness.

It is not fair to people with mental illness to attribute every feeling or action to their condition, particularly the choice to abuse. Plenty of people living with mental illnesses are capable of living a life free of abusing others, just as some abusers who have no known psychiatric conditions make the conscious choice to abuse, every day.

In short, we are asking our community to **avoid using terms for mental health issues as judgments, slurs, or synonyms for toxic behaviour.** Posts and comments will be encouraged, where possible, to use non-pathologizing/clinical adjectives to describe traits/behaviours.

Examples of using these terms as judgements, slurs, or careless casual use

*Usage of words/labels like:**

“OCD” (to mean something like fastidious, particular, picky, fussy)
“narcissist” (to mean something like self-absorbed, arrogant, toxic, selfish, abusive)
“borderline/BPD” (to mean something like unstable, unpredictable, moody)
"schizo’’ (to mean something like paranoid, erratic, or eccentric)
“ADHD” (to mean something like hyperactive, jittery, inattentive)
“psycho(path)’’ or "sociopath’’ (to mean something like angry, jealous, controlling, abusive...) and similar.

If a diagnostic label can be replaced by another word, it must be used instead. In our experience, the more common synonyms might be "abuser’’/’’abusive’��, "toxic (of a behaviour or person)’’, or "asshole’’. You always have your pick of non-gendered slurs and insults, too!

*Armchair diagnostics or speculation about possible diagnoses:**

**‘**’That sounds like x’’,
"I think my ex was y"
‘’I think my mom has/is z’’

*Exceptions:**

Talking about your own, diagnosed condition and how it affects you
Talking about your family member, friend, or other person with a diagnosed condition, and how it affects you, in a submission in which you are the requested demographic (eg. addressed to friends/family members of people with x, not people with x).
Talking about yourself/someone in your life who is seeking a diagnosis, but does not have one yet (eg - "my friend is starting the process of getting tested for ADHD")
Talking about famous people and figures who have the diagnosis, if it is relevant

Application of these rules is at moderator discretion. We may remove other common labels or descriptors (for instance "crazy") if mods feel that they were used in a blatantly disrespectful manner. Please send us a modmail[1] if you would like to discuss a removed comment or post.

1: http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Faskwomenmods

We know that the use of some of these labels is very common on Reddit, so it's natural that some of these terms might be used by accident. Please know that a request to edit your post does not mean that you are in trouble; fix it and we will be happy to put it back up! We process too much content to pay attention to usernames, so please be assured that it's not some kind of mark against you as a participant :)

You're the best!

With all that out of the way, we love being part of such an active, caring community. By reporting rule-breaking content, upvoting good questions, and downvoting only when content is in bad faith or does not contribute meaningfully to the community, you help out more than you can know. **Please continue to do an excellent job being excellent to each other, and thank you!**

Comments

Comment by iusedtobefamous1892 at 05/06/2021 at 14:08 UTC

103 upvotes, 3 direct replies

Wow, I'm so excited about this. As someone with a diagnosed personality disorder, its so upsetting to see my diagnosis used to justify other peoples fucked up behaviour. Like.. I manage to be mentally ill and have never abused anyone. One time I shared a story about something messed up someone in my life had said, and I got a comment saying "wow, sounds like she has BPD!". I felt like I'd been slapped. No, that person doesn't. But I do, so...

As a victim of past domestic violence, rape, and years of emotional abuse, I've always felt like it doesn't help anyone to fling these terms around as a catch all term for "giant fucking arsehole". I have some really toxic and abusive people in my past, and even if they ARE mentally ill, a) that's really not for me or anyone else to speculate, and b) it doesn't explain or excuse what they did. I get that it's very trendy at the moment to accuse anyone and everyone of having a personality disorder, but I think this is a really positive change.

Comment by Alternative-Water-50 at 05/06/2021 at 20:07 UTC

22 upvotes, 1 direct replies

I’ve said it before but I could never say it enough; thank you for making this sub a safe space for every woman ❤️, and everyone!

Comment by Frampton24_7 at 06/06/2021 at 06:41 UTC

6 upvotes, 0 direct replies

I really appreciate the borderline/Bi polar disorder. As someone who has bi polar type 2 it really hurts when people use it freely to describe moody,unpredictable and unreliable. 3 things I’ve strived so hard to never be (and am doing a pretty darn good job succeeding at lately) or they use it as an insult!

Thank you.

Comment by ENFJPLinguaphile at 05/06/2021 at 16:38 UTC*

22 upvotes, 1 direct replies

As someone who does struggle with OCD and GAD thanks to prematurity and family history, thank you for this! I do get tired of hearing things like "I'm so OCD" about things that have nothing to do with OCD and anxiety, or, "Yeah, I get it, we all have a little bit of ADD." I dealt with that kind of crap throughout my entire high school and college years and discovered I may also have ADHD recently from that same branch of my family that I referenced previously.

Frankly, I don't find treating mental illness as nothing or making jokes about it to compensate for anxiety or remotely related facets of one's personality amusing! I appreciate that, at least here, I don't wonder if anyone else here thinks I am lesser than him or her simply because I struggle with mental health and related concerns over which I have little control.

Comment by sarcasmo_the_clown at 05/06/2021 at 17:21 UTC

18 upvotes, 0 direct replies

I'm glad to see a movement to call out asshole behavior without excuses. Some people are just assholes!

Comment by I_like_the_word_MUFF at 05/06/2021 at 22:00 UTC

8 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Thank you for the arm chair diagnosis piece. This has been long overdue. There's ways in which we can discuss our emotional and mental states without resorting to diagnosis.

Comment by barry_effin_gibbs at 17/06/2021 at 22:25 UTC

3 upvotes, 0 direct replies

I just joined a few moments ago. I so appreciate this post as someone who as clinical, not armchair, diagnosed with some item on the list. So glad this is apart of the rules. I thank you and this thread for following and helping : )

Comment by Feisty-Blood9971 at 05/06/2021 at 21:40 UTC

7 upvotes, 0 direct replies

This is great! It would actually be nice if people would also avoid “crazy,” “psycho,” and “hysterical.”

Comment by [deleted] at 05/06/2021 at 17:38 UTC*

9 upvotes, 1 direct replies

[removed]

Comment by MNGrrl at 05/06/2021 at 20:20 UTC*

9 upvotes, 2 direct replies

* “narcissist” (to mean something like self-absorbed, arrogant, toxic, selfish, abusive)

This is the only one I'd suggest reconsidering. Narcissists rarely seek treatment and it's a common personality disorder. see also - r/raisedbynarcissists sidebar. it's understood that when someone is describing someone else as a narcissist they mean just that - they're talking about a pattern of behavior that appears to be this. The criticisms of labeling here is otherwise spot on, i just suggest going softly on people for this one in particular because it is unique. That said, toxic masculinity often gets confused with it and that's something we all could stand to do better on properly identifying and calling out. thanks!

edit: sad you locked your reply. please don't ask for feedback if you're not actually wanting it.