https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/1i9079r/what_was_the_timeline_up_until_engagement_with/
created by iluvlibras on 24/01/2025 at 17:02 UTC
38 upvotes, 46 top-level comments (showing 25)
Comment by drunkenknitter at 24/01/2025 at 18:11 UTC
95 upvotes, 1 direct replies
We had a very clear, frank discussion before moving in together that I wouldn't live with a guy again unless there was a ring involved in the future; I didn't put a deadline on it, but I set the expectation. We moved in together at 6 months. We ended up getting engaged around 6 years later, then married at year 7. I don't regret or question anything about that timeline at all, and at no point was I in doubt that we would at some point in the future be getting married because we continued to have great communication about future plans. We've been together 25 years.
Comment by Brief-Jaguar3111 at 24/01/2025 at 18:57 UTC
37 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Oof, our timeline is like the Jeremy Bearemy graph.
I don't regret a thing, not even breaking up. Dating other people made me realize completely just how incredibly amazing he is and how special and unique our relationship is.
Comment by celestialism at 24/01/2025 at 17:10 UTC
13 upvotes, 0 direct replies
We started talking about the possibility of getting married when we’d been together about a year and a half. She proposed when we’d been together just under 3 years, and we got married 3 weeks after the proposal. I don’t regret anything.
Comment by nevertruly at 24/01/2025 at 17:34 UTC*
37 upvotes, 1 direct replies
No regrets at all. Our timeline made sense for us, and we considered it carefully.
My prior marriage timeline looked better for tradition, but it was an absolute nightmare in reality. I don't regret the lessons, but life would have been easier without some of them.
Comment by thefancysurprise at 24/01/2025 at 18:19 UTC
21 upvotes, 0 direct replies
On our first date, we goofed around and said we should go elope in Mexico. Moved in together after a month. Got engaged after a year and a half, then went and eloped in Mexico 3 months later.
I don't know any other couple who I would recommend this timeline for, but it worked for us. We knew right off the bat and matched each other's energy from the start. Our marriage is stronger than ever, and we celebrate 5 years in February.
Comment by ulk at 24/01/2025 at 20:27 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
We got together in our first year of university, moved in together 2 years later, married after 6 years together and had a kid 4 years later. We didn’t really discuss marriage before he proposed, but think we’d both assumed it would happen eventually.
Not really a regret as we’re so good together, but I wish we’d met a year or two later so I’d had more time to do my own thing out of a serious relationship during uni. I was very independent and never really sought out relationships…just happened to meet someone who was worth sharing my life with.
Also suspect if I hadn’t met this particular guy I’d have ended up dating women, so kind of wish I’d managed to explore that before settling down. Happily married with an amazing family though and there are always what-ifs!
Comment by DarkField_SJ at 24/01/2025 at 21:27 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
February 2023: I started a new job, one that my roommate recommended for me. It was for another company that shares the building where she works.
March 2023: I met one of her coworkers, who was also a good friend of hers outside of work. We discovered a lot of mutual interests and started having really in-depth conversations over our lunch break.
June 2023: By this time I was crushing on him really hard. I really wanted to see him outside of work, but was too insecure to make the first move. Our conversations continued and got a lot more personal and (platonically) intimate. He had become a really good friend by this time.
Summer and fall, 2023: I started joining his company at their Friday night social hour every week. My excuse was that my roommate and I carpooled, but I used it as an excuse to be close to him socially and continue the conversations.
November 2023: his company had a holiday party on a Friday night that I was invited to, because I had become part of their social club by then. This is when The Event happened: my roommate's girlfriend showed up as well.
All until this time, my guy thought that *I* was my roommate's girlfriend, since I live with her. But when her actual GF showed up and kissed her, that's when he learned that I was straight, and single.
That next Sunday morning (because of our shared interest in music and some really deep discussions we'd had about religion), I showed up at a Unitarian church where he has a side gig as their pianist. I saw him interacting with a six-year-old girl, where I saw directly how good of a father he could be. In that moment I fell for him even more.
After the service, he asked me out for lunch. During lunch he expressed his own attraction towards me, but he'd been holding off on making the move because he thought I was gay.
The first date happened that next Friday, and it was a whirlwind. The details are for another story, but we hit it off *immediately*. By date #2 or 3, we knew it was going to be long-term.
He proposed in May, 2024. We're planning a wedding for June!
Comment by SAPERPXX at 25/01/2025 at 10:29 UTC*
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Not that I'd necessarily endorse this approach but, to put it crudely, something like
1. ONS
2. ONS turned into like close to a week long sleepover
3. "Hey we're really good friends who're only involved with each other despite "just" being FWBs in the bedroom, otherwise we totally aren't actually putting labels on anything"
4. Basically be glued together best friends and fuckbuddies, still not admitting anything
5. Have pregnancy scare. Realize that the "scare" was actually something we were both kinda actually disappointed was negative.
6. Talk over things like future plans for family/kids/etc and basically go from refusing to put labels on us due to being morons, to "not exactly engaged but there's a ring in your future at some TBD point" after realizing we were actually on the same page after all.
Only big thing I was ready to make a hill was that I had no desire to have kids with a man when I didn't have his last name or a ring.
7. Find out I'm actually pregnant ~1 month after that because guess my body was just like "🤷♀️😜🤷♀️" to the pill at that point, I ended up turning "spending all my time at his place" into moving in officially/permanently.
Told him that no, I actually was pregnant this time because yay ~99% effectiveness is still not 100%, he basically bear tackled me, kissed me and then start running around his apartment cleaning out shit, decided on the spot I was moving in and was freaking on space.
Stopped, called himself something like an "idiot who's doing this shit out of order" and proceeded to propose on the spot.
8. Actually get married when I was like 2-3 months pregnant. And by that I mean we went to the courthouse, had BBQ with friends and then he let me pass out on top of him.
Went from
"I went home with some goober from a bar who ate shit and accidentally made me wear his drink, found out he was both cute, super funny and really social"
to
"taking the plunge to a new last name, a new address, a rock that I've always been terrified of my uncoordinated ass screwing up, and my first baby bump"
all in <5 months, if that.
Anyways, not that I'd necessarily recommend this approach.
But it's worked out great for us.
The kid in my belly at our wedding is now in his early 20s and doing his own thing, he has four younger siblings, my husband's still my best friend on the face of the planet, I'm still fucking obsessed with the dude and we're still obnoxiously into each other.
Comment by rosesforthemonsters at 24/01/2025 at 18:38 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
We met in September 1996. Started dating in January 1997. I moved in with him in March 1997. We had our first child in August 1998. He bought an engagement ring for me in 2000, even though, at that time, we had no intention of ever getting married. We had our second child in 2006. In December 2011 we had a 10 minute (+/-) conversation about getting married. We got married in January 2012 -- just went to the local magistrate's office and made it legal.
Comment by Wild-Opposite-1876 at 24/01/2025 at 19:54 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
We decided early in our relationship (after roughly half a year) to get eventually married and became engaged. We had moved in with each other by then too.
I didn't feel ready to finally tie the knot for some years, and even though my husband wanted to get married way earlier, we waited until we were together for 7 years.
My only regret is not having done that sooner, as it would have saved is a lot of money and my husband wanted to reach that stage earlier. But besides all of that, we're extremely happy the way life turned out!
Comment by RebaJams at 24/01/2025 at 21:48 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Started dating in 2015. We promised each other we would never get married.
Moved in together seven months later.
When he proposed to me in 2020, he asked me “Will you someday marry me?” I said yes.
We bought a house in 2021.
Got married in 2022.
We celebrate not only our wedding anniversary, but our first date/engagement anniversary. Why not, right?
I haven’t regretted a single thing.
Comment by GoodGriefStarPlat at 24/01/2025 at 18:55 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
We met November 2017, first kiss December 2017, we basically was a couple from then but didn't make it official until 29th March 2018. We had discussions of what we wanted in the future, to see if we both wanted similar, he was calling me his wife by 2019, got engaged November 2019 and at this point was living together. January 2020 found out I was pregnant with our first so wedding planning was put on hold. We set a date Feb 2021, got Married on our official anniversary, 29th March 2022. Been married almost 3 years and I regret and question nothing, everything felt right, when my husband propose he knew I liked low key proposals because I didn't like attention on my from loads of people. I always wanted small intimate ceremonies because once again, I hate being centre of attention, but walking down the aisle and smiling so much to the point my cheeks hurt, my leg was shaking with anxiety, but I loved my wedding day. When I met my husband, everything just felt right, we clicked immediately and it just felt so natural.
Comment by evaj95 at 24/01/2025 at 20:31 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
We started dating May 2021, made it official July 2021, moved in together May 2022 (we had COVID and quarantined together, then he just stayed lol), and got engaged in October 2023. I regret trying to figure out when/where he was going to propose. He ended up telling me because I kept pestering him :/
edit: we got married August 31, 2024 :)
Comment by fkntiredbtch at 24/01/2025 at 20:40 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Met him a week after Thanksgiving, told him "I'm not really dating right now."
Married him on May 1st.
We've been married for nearly 6yrs. He's the love of my life. No doubts.
Comment by brunetteskeleton at 24/01/2025 at 20:45 UTC*
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Met & started dating August 2022
Engaged May 2023
Moved in together August 2023
Pregnant April 2024
Baby born Christmas Eve 2024
Getting married (hopefully) summer 2025
Comment by scnavi at 24/01/2025 at 22:35 UTC*
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Long story, sorry, but I think it’s a perfect example of why timelines are bullshit.
I met my now husband when I was still with my son’s father. I understand what that sounds like and no cheating was involved, we didn’t even broach the subject of being together and we joked, but not in an inappropriate manner, more as “bros.” We just had a lot of common interests and experiences, and he was easy to talk to. We spent a lot of time at the gym at the same time, which is how we saw each other so often and he even became an occasional drop in with my friend group. Was an extremely respectful person because he knew I was taken.
What he didn’t know was how miserable I was. It wasn’t a subject we hadn’t broached because I didn’t want to give myself any excuses to leave my ex. He of course was the father of my child, we were together a little over for 6 years at that point, our son was about to turn 6 (you do the math) and we had agreed to raise our son together, even though I had given him the option not to. That turned into him understanding the trauma of my parent’s separation and him realizing he could walk all over me which eventually turned into mental abuse. He was a great guy, he’s still a great dad, he was just not great to me and he had a drinking problem.
After a bad proposal two years prior, where I had only asked for two things if he ever proposed, (ask for my dads blessing and don’t propose on Christmas, but of which he outright ignored by proposing on Christmas without my dads blessing), I started paying attention to whether he actually cared about me, or if he was just trying to have a comfortable life for himself and I realized it was the latter. I started exploring my own hobbies which led to the gym and lifting, I met some friends who he hated because he thought they were rich kids who wanted to bang me and he kept telling me they weren’t like us. But these friends, while growing up better off than us yes, would give me the shirts off their backs. One of these girlfriends kinda pointed out some things to me after hanging out with him and seeing what I wouldn’t accept from their partners happening to me, and it just solidified the sadness of being stuck.
At this point I had known my (now) husband for 7 or 8 months. My ex and I got into, not an argument, but he was drunk. I was talking about how I needed some help and what I now understand was bearing the mental load. He said something to the effect of he should get a b*** j** every time he did the dishes. I told him that wasn’t funny, I was told it was a joke, I told him it didn’t feel like one and this led to him giving me the silent treatment for 3 days. This always led to me having a panic attack on the floor where he’d pick me up, tell me it was ok, he forgave me, and we’d carry on. But it was something about his face this time, this smirk that like, made me realize he knew what he was doing and he was glad he won.
And so I started turning in on myself to the point he noticed. At about the same time I saw a meme online about the very conversation we had (wife giving her husband a favor for doing the dishes) and I sent it to my (now) husband, I said basically I never tell you about my home life, but this was a fucked up joke to be made right? Like, I was allowed to be upset by it right? And he said yes, absolutely. So I stopped talking to my ex for a day, more confident in my feelings. The next day he basically turned a panic attack on me, this is what typically worked when I was actually upset and couldn’t let this go. I now know it’s a tactic to get me back into the caretaking role and after 6 years I didn’t fall for it. I told him to leave.
Long story short, a week later my (now) husband and I had a talk. He said that he liked me, and didn’t want it to seem like he was trying to swoop in or act like he was supporting me for his own means, but that he’s my friend but he’s pretty sure he feels something and that’s why he is mentioning it. I agreed I had feelings for him, but I couldn’t jump into a new relationship, and he said to take all the time I need, so we continued hanging out like we did, just a little more often. He slept over a few times so we could hang out late and get to work the next day (it was 10 min from me, 1 hr from him) but he didn’t make a move. Didn’t even prod, just enjoyed spending time with me because he wanted to. Like, we’d just talk for hours.
It was a tough road, but this man healed so many aspects of me. I hadn’t been happy for a long time. My husband cooks for me, notices what I need help with, is respectful of my boundaries and any issues we have talked through and he and I both made genuine contributions to correct behavior that has hurt the other. We finally kissed after two months of hanging out, because I was ready and I kissed him. We knew pretty early on we wanted to get married, but I wanted to make sure my son was old enough to be part of the decision. He asked my son AND my father for their blessing before proposing in the most perfect way, he involved all my friends, it was beautiful.
Long story short, I don’t think it’s the timeline, but the knowing you’re safe, respected and the feeling you’d do anything for the other person, and knowing they’d do the same. That’s why you read these stories of “dated for 3 months, got married, it’s been 20 years.” There was something magnetic about how me and my husband’s personalities meshed from the moment we met. First it was a “yeah, we’re going to be friends” but the more I knew him, and the more we healed one another, it became “yeah, I’m going to marry this dude.”
Comment by cambk at 25/01/2025 at 02:52 UTC*
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Just celebrated 11 years of marriage, coming up on 13 years together. I brought a child into the relationship and we had two children together. He’s my best friend. We’ve also been through our fair share of very hard situations during our marriage and have worked together to maintain a strong partnership. Cliche but it truly was “when you know you know”. I was 28 and he was 33 when we met.
Comment by Baku_Bich420 at 25/01/2025 at 06:30 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I don't regret anything per say but I do question why it took me moving back home and threatening to forever disappear out of his life if he couldn't figure himself out to make him realize what he truly wanted. We've been happily married going on 5 years this year and have 2 kids now.
Comment by Ms_Rarity at 25/01/2025 at 11:21 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
March '16 -- we met on OKC
April '17 -- he moved to my state, to his own apartment in my complex
Aug '17 -- I had a feeling he was about to propose and told him I'd like him to meet my family first
Oct '17 -- We fly to the West Coast and meet my family at a reunion. He proposes a few weeks later. I break a glass in the restaurant on the night of the proposal and the whole restaurant claps.
Been married 6.5 years now. Wouldn't change anything.
Comment by soyundinosaurioverde at 25/01/2025 at 13:30 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
August 2018 - meeting in a hostel February 2019- starting dating long distance August 2021- moving in together November 2023- asking me to marry July 2024- getting married
Comment by Redhead122024 at 24/01/2025 at 18:49 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Time-line:
No regrets.
Comment by Meh_45 at 24/01/2025 at 20:14 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
We dated for 4 years and I did not want to get married initially (nothing to do w him but just my view on marriage). Over the relationship, my view on marriage changed and I let him know (more in a "I think I would like to be married" not forcing him to be married with me). I did tell him that I would need to be engaged to live together. He proposed the next year and we moved in shortly after (couple of months). We married the next year. I don't regret anything, I appreciate not being rushed to marry or live together even if his family didn't understand. He told me that he cared about being with me so married or not it was still the same feeling.
Comment by virgothesixth at 24/01/2025 at 20:16 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Husband and I met in April of 2018 and by October we were living together :) engaged in 2021 and married on 2/22/2022. Everything happened organically so there are zero regrets 🩷
Comment by CapnSeabass at 24/01/2025 at 20:17 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Comment by GanacheWitty9525 at 24/01/2025 at 21:22 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Got together in 2019, he moved in with me when we went into lockdown and then didn’t leave 😁, got engaged in 2023 and then got married last year - so we’ve been together 6 years this year