668 upvotes, 41 direct replies (showing 25)
View submission: What's something you never understood about the opposite gender?
What compels women to even consider having children. I wake up every day grateful that I can’t get pregnant. There is absolutely *nothing* about the prospect of going through pregnancy, dealing with the sleepless nights, the crying, the skull crushing noise of toddlers, the expenses, and then being tied down for ~18 years that could make it worth it for me. I am tapped out after 15 minutes of being near my nephews… having to *live* through that every single day? Holy shit.
Comment by miildlysalted at 08/03/2025 at 19:54 UTC
568 upvotes, 7 direct replies
I am a woman and I still don't understand this
Comment by fluffy_doughnut at 08/03/2025 at 19:41 UTC
327 upvotes, 12 direct replies
Believe me there are a lot of women who think just like you. And they hear their whole lives "you'll change your mind", "you just need to find the right man", "you will regret your decision in the future", "every woman should be a mother" etc etc. I've never felt like it, I'm 30 and still nothing.
Comment by SloppyNachoBros at 08/03/2025 at 19:13 UTC
172 upvotes, 2 direct replies
For some of us, it's straight up nightmare fuel. The fear of pregnancy can be a serious problem in the bedroom because the possibility of future body horror can be pretty hard to get over.
Comment by swollama at 08/03/2025 at 19:08 UTC
112 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Hitting menopause with no offspring was a fabulous day.
Comment by ladyteruki at 08/03/2025 at 19:07 UTC
69 upvotes, 1 direct replies
We grow up being told that's what women are supposed to do (and hell, a lot of politicians are saying it too). People always ask you if you have kids, and if not, why not. Nobody ever asks why we have children when we have them ! It's seen as the default. Breaking out of that norm takes a lot of self-reflection and being in an environment that allows for differing paths.
Also I don't think most people who have children see it primarily as "I'm tied down for at least 18 years", regardless of gender.
Comment by eejm at 08/03/2025 at 21:26 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I have one kid who was a complete surprise. (My husband and I were still undecided about kids.) He is absolutely awesome and probably the funniest person I know. I have always loved being his mom and it’s an experience I never, ever care to repeat.
In my experience men seem to be more eager to have kids, generally speaking. I’m not sure why.
Comment by andreiim at 08/03/2025 at 20:37 UTC
41 upvotes, 2 direct replies
You know how you eat chocolate and your brain lights up the feel good neurons, or if you win the lottery, or if you have an orgasm? It's literally the same thing. The feel good neurons are lighting up so bright when you have a kid that everything else is worth it. Just how a crack addict would do anything to get the next fix, a mom would do anything to get the next smile, including losing nights and listening to endless crying. It's a pre-programmed heavy addiction that literally starts with orgasms. I guess you're just programmed differently and you don't "suffer" from this addiction, but most humans, including men, are born with it.
Comment by IwantyoualltoBEDAVE at 09/03/2025 at 02:00 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
There’s the body horror AND for some reason as a society we have decided it is worth nothing and valueless and not the god like creative divinity it actually is. So on top of being transformed from the inside out, we also have to navigate capitalism that says all this work is worthless and oh actually you shouldn’t even get to keep your job
Comment by peanutpeepz at 08/03/2025 at 20:21 UTC
52 upvotes, 3 direct replies
Mom going against the anti-kid tirade here.
I always wanted children. Call it biology, call it instinct, but the experience of pregnancy and childrearing was something that appealed to me from a young age. Yes, it's incredibly hard and draining. But also you get to watch them grow, accomplish new things, and experience the joys of childhood. You also get to be a kid again, sharing your favorite toys or games with them and watch them have fun like you did.
Even when they scream their head off after making a mess for the 50th time today, there's something magical about watching them take pride in putting together a puzzle or pretend to be a bird flying. Plus the cuddles are fantastic.
Comment by SelectionAgile1352 at 08/03/2025 at 20:44 UTC
13 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I’m a woman and I don’t get it either. The thought alone fills me with dread. But hey, someone has to do the reproducing around here.
Comment by chocotacogato at 08/03/2025 at 21:29 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
When I was a kid I thought that was my future that I have to look forward to. But also, I didn’t know how fucking hard parenting was. It was something that was drilled in my brain when I was young and I outgrew the mentality that I needed kids to be happy after graduating college.
Comment by Living_Progress_1444 at 08/03/2025 at 23:51 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I have 2 kids, a stepdaughter, and I’m pregnant with twins right now and I wouldn’t have ever chose otherwise. Motherhood isn’t for everyone, it’s just a life choice and it’s perfectly fine for people not to want it. In fact, there’s a lot of people out there that should NOT have kids.
But motherhood has been wonderful for me. Some days are easy, some are difficult, they each come with their own challenges. But it’s been rewarding for me.
I’ll never try and talk someone into having kids. I’ll never wish it on someone unless they explicitly say they do want kids.
I really can’t fully explain why I wanted kids. I know I did want to raise kind, thoughtful humans. I don’t view it as being tied down for 18 years. I was never the type to go out and go to bars and clubs and party. So it works well with my life.
Comment by loligo_pealeii at 09/03/2025 at 00:22 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Because it's really not that bad most of the time and because my children are wonderful, and because being a parent is the most meaningful thing I've done in my life. Seriously, my kids are annoying maybe 5% of the time, but the rest of it they're funny, sweet, loving, inquisitive people and I get the absolute privilege of watching them go from a tiny baby who can't even lift their head to this whole person with thoughts and opinions. It really feels miraculous. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Comment by Ice-Koko at 09/03/2025 at 06:09 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I’m a woman and I don’t get it either. I can’t relate to most of the women in my life who have children or want to have them. Pregnancy has NEVER interested me and I’ll more than likely never experience it, hopefully. Children also over-stimulate me, I’m always relieved when I leave family functions. It’s also just a huge responsibility that comes with so many unpredictable risks, it’s expensive asf and you have to make so many sacrifices (physically, mentally, financially, etc.) to make it work… why would I put myself through all that? It just gets exhausting having to constantly explain myself to relatives and friends why I don’t want kids. They always look at me with pity and concern when I do. Shouldn’t y’all be more concerned for people who WILLINGLY choose to suffer by having kids? Lmao. 😭
Comment by HananaGoesSolo at 08/03/2025 at 20:00 UTC
8 upvotes, 1 direct replies
As someone who doesn't ever want kids, the only thing that would make me even consider it the tiniest bit is FOMO (it still wouldn't be enough, but I understand how people are swayed).
I know things have come a long way, but there is still this kind of expectation for a lot of women (from family, friends and society) that if you're a heterosexual woman in a relationship then you MUST have kids.
Whenever I've made myself clear to my mum and dad that I don't want kids, they always tell me that they felt the same when they were younger and changed their minds as they got older, so I'll probably be the same. My mum always goes on about how having kids was the best thing she ever did, that her life didn't really start until she had children, and that she became a better person because of it. You get a lot of that from A LOT of people all the time, not just parents.
People always ask you, "So when are you having kids and getting married?"', and then when you say that you dont necessarily want those things, they'll be like, "Oh! But you have to have kids! Motherhood is part of being a woman. You feel so fufilled, and having a family is so special - you'll regret it if you don't do it!". It often feels like people think your relationship and existence as a woman is pointless if you don't want kids and marriage, and it's hard not to let those narratives get to you. I've even found myself mulling it over sometimes after these sort of conversations because you think to yourself, 'What if I do end up missing out on this life changing experience? And what if I end up regretting it?'
Luckily (or not so luckily for the people I'm about to refer to) I'm able to ground myself, because I know plenty of women who were swayed by these narratives and went on to have kids, who now regret having children. Having those women telling me to listen to my gut feeling, to not be pressured by other people's expectations, and that it isn't this glorious event many women make it out to be, really helps and reaffirms that I'm making the right choice. I think they see themselves in me and don't want me to be pressured into making the same choices that they did. They are quite unhappy, and I feel genuinely sad for them.
But yeah, not everyone has people like that to counteract the whole 'motherhood is a blessing!' narrative. So I can see how even women that don't necessarily want children can feel like it's something they have to do, or else they haven't experienced "being a woman".
Comment by Trixiebees at 08/03/2025 at 22:47 UTC
3 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I think it’s probably a hormone thing. Plus the idea of being a mom feels a lot more rewarding than the idea of a career to me. Like the concept of getting to bake my future kids treats after school like my mum did for me, getting to ready bedtime stories, being part of the PTA, and making my kids Halloween costumes feels like it’s worth all of the crummy stuff that comes along with it. I’m very close to my mother and at some point I realized that I wanted a version of that relationship for myself with my own kid
Comment by Just_dirty_secrets at 09/03/2025 at 07:37 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
As a women, I too, fear pregnancy and wake up every day grateful im not pregnant.
Comment by AlarmingCow3831 at 09/03/2025 at 10:53 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It’s all we were allowed to do for the majority of humanity. Women are starting to catch on that they don’t have to anymore.
Comment by Constant_Jeweler7464 at 08/03/2025 at 18:54 UTC
15 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I loved being pregnant and raising my kids. But I'm kind of still a kid at heart myself. We've had so much fun.
Comment by though- at 08/03/2025 at 21:24 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I think your concern is not just pregnancy but parenthood. That’s a whole different matter. I absolutely loved my pregnancy (my skin was glowing, my hair grew lusciously to my hips, suddenly I was no longer a klutz.. I actually *felt* beautiful, not to mention the tiny butterfly flutters from inside my tummy that were my child’s polite kicks ��🥰. It made me feel like a badass superwoman creating life). But for almost a decade prior to that, I absolutely despised the idea of having children, the unfairness of being the only sex that could get pregnant, the unfathomable pain that I would have to go through to create a child and bring it into this world, the thought that this child would impede my chances of traveling, having adventures of any risk, and having a successful career!! And I was petrified that I would inevitably become my horrible parents to any child of mine.
So I did all the things I wanted to. I grew up with age and I grew wiser. I mentored high school kids and realized that not all are shitheads. I got therapy. **I wanted to become a person who someone would look up to, so I put in the effort to become that person.** And then I decided to become a mother. And my child has been the light of my life since he was still a fetus. And I’m so proud of the person he is and is growing up to be. And I am a darn good mom, as told to me by my son and anyone who sees us interact for even 5 mins. And honestly, I don’t mind not being remembered for being a cancer researcher (which I am), but just a good mom.
So take your time. You don’t have to decide now for forever. You are human. And your thoughts and life choices can evolve with time and experience. And if at the end, you still choose to be child-free, that’s fantastic too!
Comment by itsbeenanhour at 08/03/2025 at 21:12 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Seems like now more men want kids than women.
Comment by BlackRedSkies at 09/03/2025 at 07:18 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I don’t understand it either and I am a women. The thought of having another human growing inside me and then having to push it out just seems so traumatizing
Comment by Famous_Sugar_1193 at 09/03/2025 at 11:49 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I love how you’re asking women what compels them to have children, and then didn’t even mention the women specific parts of having children.
The horrific pregnancy, the body being ripped apart, teeth falling out etc etc etc
The literal horrors
Comment by No_Dot_7205 at 09/03/2025 at 20:10 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Exactly. Being pregnant is one of my worst fears, because of every single thing you just mentioned FOR EIGHTEEN YEARS AND EVEN MORE, plus the entire pain of pregnancy. The constant doctor visits, and the child birth??? That sounds like a literal nightmare. I cannot wait to get some sort of surgery to take all that shit out that would let me get pregnant.
Comment by Icy_Doughnut_601 at 08/03/2025 at 19:56 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Instincts