2432 upvotes, 62 direct replies (showing 25)
View submission: What's something you never understood about the opposite gender?
Why men have this “i hate my wife” mentality. Especially older men. The whole “ball and chain” thing is weird to me. My husband and I text all day, every day and one of his married coworkers couldn’t believe we can text all day and still be able to have things to talk about when we are together. Sorry we actually enjoy each other. Lmao.
Comment by dontbeahater_dear at 08/03/2025 at 19:27 UTC
977 upvotes, 6 direct replies
I had an older coworker baffled when i said we both do all chores around the house like cooking, cleaning, laundry… she asked me to ‘show me your ways’ and i just thought, marry a real decent person who just… does it? We never even discussed it.
Comment by Bi_Fry at 08/03/2025 at 19:22 UTC
314 upvotes, 4 direct replies
I think it’s mostly from when divorce was looked down upon so people would get married fast, realize they’re incompatible, and then be stuck with each other. Then their kids see they don’t like each other and then carry over the ‘marriage is prison’ mentality.
Comment by Turbulent_Change_714 at 08/03/2025 at 18:43 UTC
264 upvotes, 2 direct replies
As a man, I can’t fathom it either. I love my wife so much and will talk to her about anything and everything when we can. She’s my favorite human and I can’t imagine my life without her anymore. How can people claim they love someone and not show it?!
Comment by Yzjdriel at 08/03/2025 at 19:42 UTC
231 upvotes, 6 direct replies
This isn’t a men thing, it’s a boomer thing.
Marriage being MUCH more socially important in an age where people got married younger and without knowing whether they would actually get along when living in the same house (not to mention the much higher rate of shotgun weddings and immense social pressure) mean that people who should never have been married are.
“I hate my wife” is the joke, but they don’t actually mean it. They don’t hate their wife, they hate being married - they feel like they were forced into it, they didn’t spend enough time actually getting to know each other (dating was different back then), they didn’t spend time living together before getting married, they spent most of their marriage at work and therefore don’t understand how much work it takes to keep a house clean and running when you have kids because they didn’t see any of that work while it was being done (because it was being done while they were at work), and they see other married couples (especially younger ones - you know, the young ones they hauled ass to ensure wouldn’t have to endure the same hardships they did, and turns out their entire set of social values come from having endured those hardships, so the fact that the kids these days have different values is literally their fault) getting along just fine. They don’t understand why other marriages are so perfect when theirs isn’t, and don’t understand that the couples their age whose marriages look like the ideal are either faking it in public or were the rare few who actually understood each other before getting married.
Then they turn on the TV and the only characters who look like them and have the same life experience as them are in miserable marriages (because a couple with a good marriage who don’t fight about everything do not make for as good television as a couple whose fight of the week can be endless content for season after season, who knew?) and the only joke those shows have is “I hate my wife”. That character on TV doesn’t hate his wife - he hates being married.
It’s a shared commiseration at feeling trapped in an institution that no one properly explained to them when they were teenagers (exactly like how people in our generation complain about student loans because college is a scam and no one told us so until AFTER we graduated with mountains of debt), and deprecative humor isn’t always aimed at oneself.
tl;dr They don’t literally hate their wives, they hate that their wives are their wives because they were sold a lie and didn’t realize it until it was way, waaaaay too late
Comment by Kitty_Boom95 at 08/03/2025 at 19:58 UTC
9 upvotes, 1 direct replies
It really comes from marriages from a different time period, honestly. im nearly 30, my parents and grandparents' generation got married to whatever guy in the pub they fancied and got on with, but in the long term, wasn't very compatible generally. Also, societal expectations for men and women are different from what they are today. I think all of that contributed to that attitude.
Comment by kn777 at 08/03/2025 at 22:15 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yeah, it’s always so bizarre to me when people speak so negatively about their spouses so often. I always think that if it’s that bad than you should break up and if it’s not that bad than you are doing a huge disservice to your partner by making it sound that way.
Comment by Rare-Ad-8087 at 08/03/2025 at 18:57 UTC
23 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I’m glad you have a fulfilled relationship like this! My husband is the same, we’re fortunate to have each other, just as you are both are!
Comment by Wooden-Many-8509 at 08/03/2025 at 20:40 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
A lot of men, particularly in older generations married more out of duty and cultural expectation than love. Don't get me wrong, they do love their wives, but many of them don't like their wives. If that makes any sense at all
Comment by Mobabyhomeslice at 08/03/2025 at 20:44 UTC
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This comes from a generational idea that marriage is a life stage achievement that needs to be achieved within a specified time of your life, or else you're a failure. After this achievement is unlocked, *you're stuck with your decision!* Failure (divorce) isn't an option. Marriage was about financial security, building generational wealth, and securing the family line. Love was seen as rare, so not something worth holding out for.
Comment by TheWizard01 at 08/03/2025 at 20:16 UTC
6 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Can't speak for those people but my guess is that they got married very young, they changed A LOT over the years and became different people during that time and turned into people they didn't like anymore, and rather than get divorced they just rode it out until dying. Maybe had affairs to help cope, I don't know.
Comment by clandestineVexation at 08/03/2025 at 19:56 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Well there’s a reason half of marriages end in divorce… a lot of people aren’t ready to hear that they just might not be ready for a relationship even at whatever age they are
Comment by blackscales18 at 08/03/2025 at 21:08 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Lots of married people hate each other but don't divorce for a wide variety of reasons
Comment by thegundamx at 08/03/2025 at 20:27 UTC
3 upvotes, 1 direct replies
A lot of men came back from WW2 and married their sweethearts without a second thought. Time goes by, maybe they find out they’re not as compatible as they thought, maybe they feel they rushed into marriage, there’s a whole mess of reasons.
Comment by chronicallyindi at 08/03/2025 at 20:20 UTC
11 upvotes, 1 direct replies
What I don’t understand is how this is a thing when generally men are happier being married rather than alone than women are. The whole trope is the opposite of the truth overall.
I also don’t get why men act like they hate their partners during the process of getting engaged and married. Like, why are you doing it then? You know you don’t have to, right?
Comment by Fen_Badge at 09/03/2025 at 04:25 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Goes both ways, product of compulsory heterosexuality in general. I'm glad you don't have to deal with it though and you have a nice relationship but the straights are really not okay sometimes (so so so many societal expectations on them)
Comment by Universeintheflesh at 08/03/2025 at 19:50 UTC
9 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Makes me think of a party me and my ex went to. They were playing some guessing game with your partner with clues, can’t remember what because we were just told we were playing all of a sudden. We destroyed all the other couples (many married for many years) and they were all confused. It just came down to us hanging out and talking which apparently they didn’t really do much…
Comment by cookieaddictions at 08/03/2025 at 21:41 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It's insane to me because the older men tend to have traditional marriages that 100% benefitted them to the detriment of their wife, and they complain more than younger men, who still tend to benefit more in marriage than women in basically every metric, but less so than boomers.
Comment by Millionaire007 at 08/03/2025 at 22:43 UTC
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Casual misogyny baked into American culture
Comment by AudibleHush at 08/03/2025 at 20:37 UTC
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I have a theory, but it’s just that: a theory. I think that for some men, they marry a woman because she’s attractive and/or “wife/mother” material… but they don’t actually marry someone they LIKE or even love. Like, very little in common. And so then when the woman expects a partnership and he has to pull his weight as a partner and parent, suddenly mere attractiveness isn’t enough. Pre-marriage it was fun and relatively no-strings-attached, but a marriage and family can come with a lot of additional life difficulties and stressors, and going through it with someone you don’t genuinely like or love makes it harder.
(And I think this can happen to women too… if they’re just marrying because of attraction and the man’s ability to provide (if he makes more than her)… it can be a rude wake up call to realize you’re not actually friends with your life-partner).
Comment by FloatingCar at 09/03/2025 at 00:18 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I'm a woman and I love my wife, but there is no way I’d want to text her all day lol
Comment by MacabreMealworm at 09/03/2025 at 01:18 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
My husband and I have been together 15 years this year! We've had our ups and downs but he's never treated me like I was an inconvenience. He's gotten cranky when I've asked him to do something trivial but that's it. He's always treating me like a goddess but he has healthy expectations/boundaries too. I don't understand why some men stay with their wives if they legit dispise/resent them. It's weird
Comment by Youcants1tw1thus at 09/03/2025 at 02:37 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Nagging. Never ending nagging. Nagging at me to do shit that I already did but she was too preoccupied with nagging me she hasn’t even fucking noticed it’s been done. Mom-brain or PPD can be permanent, and often the men just become punching bags. The outward appearance can be “I hate my wife” but really it’s “I want my wife back, who the hell is this?” for a lot of us.
Comment by heeywewantsomenewday at 08/03/2025 at 20:03 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I wouldn't dream of saying a bad word about my wife to others. That's my best friend and love of my life. I want others to see us as a team, and I'm a big believer that if you call them that thing, they will become that thing.
Comment by utopicunicornn at 08/03/2025 at 22:01 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I have a family member who is only a year older than me who is like this, whenever I ask him “Hey man, how are you and your wife?” He never has anything positive to say, usually complains about her, how they constantly disagree over things. He once asked me how me and my wife are several years ago, to which I said “We’re doing pretty well,” and he has never asked me since. He also has zero restraints about hiding how he feels about his wife and kid in front of the family, and it’s just so difficult to listen.
I mean, I get that his wife is very particular about every little thing and is pretty much a stick in the mud, but still!
Comment by Living_Progress_1444 at 08/03/2025 at 23:40 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
That is one thing I don’t understand either. I see it so much, and it comes from wives being that way about their husbands. Like making TikToks complaining about something their husband did. And I just don’t get it. Just communicate. My husband and I talk all day long, like to the point he’s telling me when he’s pooping at work 😂