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Lots of mixed emotions at the end too. It's exactly like what posters over on the dementia sub said it was: At first you're like wtf he's dying? Followed quickly by the grief when you realize oh my god my father is dying.
Dad's bugbear was getting utis and then falling a lot. He never wandered off or anything like that but those damn falls. And he was super lucky with the falling too. Never had broken bones just a few bruises.
I was his sole caregiver. I have a sister but she lives five plus hours away and she could only do so much with a job down there. She came up and helped a few times but had to deal with a job loss that ended up turning into a lawsuit and it took her a long time to find work. Fortunately she supported everything I was doing so we never had to deal with family issues which would've made it a million times worse.
Actually I just remembered two things she did that were a HUGE help in this entire process. Dad had several car accidents earlier in the disease probably when he was mid stages, before covid with the last one happening in 2020. I could not get him to stop driving and let me take care of it. I was complaining to my sister and she said let me try and she got him to agree to give up driving in less than 5 minutes. The other thing she did is kept pushing me to get a PoA, which I was able to get because she got him to agree to that. That came in real handy later when it got worse.
Other than taking him to a SNF for physical rehab after more falling, I was able to keep him at home and out of AL or MC which I consider a huge victory. I'd decided some time before then that I was never going to take him to a facility. I would've used restraints if I needed them as well as stronger drugs. Just going through the time when he was in a nursing home for the physical rehab convinced me that I would do whatever I needed to do to keep him at home. Those places are fucking awful.
I have nothing but total sympathy for dementia caregivers and will do what I can to support laws that will make it easier to care for dementia patients and give caregivers a lot of help to do it. Having to spend down assets to get Medicaid so you can get a placement in a facility should not be happening. Caregivers pour their entire lives into caring for a sick relative and their reward is no inheritance. What the fuck are they supposed to do? They haven't worked for years outside of being a caregiver and now they have no money to get their lives back on track? Shameful.
If anyone reading this knows someone taking care of a dementia patient, please could you just reach out to them and ask if they need some help? I guarantee you they need lots of help even if they say they don't. Get someone else to help and go over and clean the house. Maybe they need a haircut and an oil change in the car and you can sit with their relative. Really anything helps. Even just having contact with other people was a big deal. I've always been a huge introvert who is super protective about my personal surroundings. I don't like houses full of people. I don't like crowds. The interactions I had with other people during this ordeal was a godsend though. Especially when the conversation wasn't about dementia. There wasn't enough of those but the ones that happened I cherished.
There's nothing here!