https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenOver30/comments/1je2v0m/was_therapy_worth_it_for_you/
created by AntelopeWonderful983 on 18/03/2025 at 11:35 UTC
21 upvotes, 95 top-level comments (showing 25)
I've been feeling terrible in the past few months, and don't really see a way out.
Was thinking about asking for help.
What is your experience, did it help you? If not, what did?
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1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
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Comment by pvitoral21 at 18/03/2025 at 11:46 UTC
24 upvotes, 0 direct replies
100%
As any relationship, the therapeutic one takes two! Some people rely too much on the therapist, other too much in themselves only - its a dance, both has roles and need to make efforts.
In the end, we are the ones who can change ourselves - the therapist can't. The professional is a supportive ingredient in the thriving process.
Comment by Any-Bottle-4910 at 18/03/2025 at 11:39 UTC
29 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I had temper problems. No, I never hit my wife nor kids.
Therapy worked, and worked fast.
Sometimes, the root of a personal problem is not obvious to you. Once it was pointed out where it came from, I was much better.
Comment by guy_n_cognito_tu at 18/03/2025 at 12:11 UTC
12 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Therapy is a mixed bag. It can be beneficial for some, and worthless for others. Some therapists are great, others are simply terrible, minimally trained, damaged human beings who make everyone they encounter worse, not better. Don't assume your therapist is good at their job and, if you can, find a PhD, not a LCSW.
My ex wife is diagnosed with BPD (untreated), hates pretty much all men, and did everything she could to destroy my life and my relationship with our child. After our divorce, she went back to school to become a LCSW. She's graduated now, and her practice is focused exclusively on men..........specifically "helping men become better fathers to their children and better husbands to their wives." I cannot imagine the damage she's doing.
Comment by dad_bod2025 at 18/03/2025 at 11:44 UTC
9 upvotes, 3 direct replies
It helped to have someone neutral to talk to, without feeling like you are being judged. I wish my therapist would have tried to get deeper but it still helped me to be better at communicating my emotions and feelings.
Comment by MissyMurders at 18/03/2025 at 11:53 UTC
17 upvotes, 5 direct replies
It didn't for me. If anything it just exacerbated the issues I had. That said I DO think it's worth a crack, but also recognise that it isn't for everyone. Try it but there are other paths you can walk as well if you don't take to it
Comment by Confusatronic at 18/03/2025 at 15:03 UTC
4 upvotes, 1 direct replies
It hasn't been worth it for me *yet.* It's possible it could be. I'll explain:
I've been to 12 therapists in my life over the past ~30 years. Of those, one I only did one session with and so I won't judge her. Of the remaining eleven, none of them seemed helpful to me. Many of them were downright terrible. Falling asleep in the session; blaming me for scheduling errors that were his fault; awful, dangerous advice; listening but almost never saying anything and what they did say an Arby's staffer could have said; wasting precious session time talking about trivialities of their own life; etc. And these were the ones I *vetted first* by an initial phone interview of them!
So I am very disappointed and am certain now that very likely a large percentage of U.S. therapists (>75%) are hot garbage. But *some* have to be good and I have friends who report good results with them. I just haven't found such a person yet, and it's demoralizing to try, particularly with the horrible search process that it entails (internet-wise and otherwise).
But I am planning on trying again at some point. I'm going to be much more stringent on my phone interviews of them. In the past I had my doubts on the phone interview but thought "eh, let's give it a shot" but my doubts were always right. Never again will I do that.
Comment by WhiteLion333 at 18/03/2025 at 11:43 UTC
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I’m a woman, but therapy saved the man I love. I’m so grateful he found the help he needed- he didn’t deserve to feel the way he did, and it’s changed both our lives for the better. Wishing you well.
Comment by BigHands66 at 18/03/2025 at 11:48 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
For me it’s been great. It was really nice to get a lot off my chest without filtering it for someone who has skin in the game. Just go in there verbally vomit all the shit on your head without worry of offending or putting anyone on the defense. It’s a chore I don’t want right now because my life is hectic but I usually feel pretty light afterwards. I’m still depressed but it’s been improving but mostly to me therapy is place to get it ask off my shoulders for the week.
Comment by weesiwel at 18/03/2025 at 13:57 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
No a waste of time.
Comment by rectovaginalfistula at 18/03/2025 at 11:51 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yes, absolutely, though diminishing returns after a year or two. Going in the first place probably saved my life, so don't take that as a reason not to go.
Comment by JimPromptu at 18/03/2025 at 16:57 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
The main benefit was shattering many of the illusions I had formed over the years. The main downside was shattering many of the illusions I had formed over the years.
Comment by mattormateo at 18/03/2025 at 11:41 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I’ve never tried it yet but wanting too. I know a lot of people that seek therapy and claim it works. If you think about it, it’s kind of awesome. You can talk to someone who has to listen to you. They can’t tell anybody that you know. You can literally get anything off your chest and get professional and useful advice and techniques to improve your life.
Comment by Rastiln at 18/03/2025 at 11:50 UTC
1 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Yeah. If not for therapy I’d be at least divorced and depressed, maybe dead.
I just started antidepressants a couple weeks ago, which I didn’t immediately jump to but eventually decided to try when I kept wanting to die every day. It seems to be working, but too early to know.
Comment by Buckeye919NC at 18/03/2025 at 11:52 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Short answer yes. It took time and it took work but now I’m happy with the person I am. It may take a few different therapists till you find one that fits for you so don’t be afraid to move on if it’s not a good match.
I’m 48, divorced three yrs ago and was in a difficult phase of life. The work I did the last few yrs have made a better persons father.
Unintended consequence, women are very attracted to a man who’s done the work in therapy and is able to be vulnerable
Comment by copperpoint at 18/03/2025 at 11:54 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yes, and still is. But to be fair when I started their office was right next door from an awesome frozen yogurt place.
Comment by Disastrous_Square_10 at 18/03/2025 at 11:56 UTC
1 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Depends on what type. I’m going thru ketamine therapy at the moment and it’s very helpful.
Comment by PlasteeqDNA at 18/03/2025 at 11:58 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
No it was never worth it for me.
Comment by tycho-42 at 18/03/2025 at 12:01 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yes. Be warned, it is easy to find quacks. If you find ones that aren't jiving with you, move on and find another. Therapy has helped me resolve some issues while working on others. Just remember that you're going to get out of therapy what you put into it. If you half ass it, you'll get half ass results. And some parts of therapy will seem weird and hokey, just trust the process.
Comment by Bourbon_Buckeye at 18/03/2025 at 12:01 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It wasn't worth it for me, but maybe not my therapist's fault — it felt like a chore, and I didn't feel like I was getting anything out of it after a few months (six sessions). My general practitioner wishes I stuck it out longer or switched therapists. It's not for me.
Comment by koneu at 18/03/2025 at 12:02 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I've had three rounds of psychotherapy in my life, and they all did help. I certainly would recommend it. But one of the complexities of the process is finding a therapist that you work with well; that has to do not just with the modalities/techniques they use, but also just how the relationship with them is for you.
Comment by Florida1693 at 18/03/2025 at 12:03 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It helped me realize I have impulse control issues with various things….money, porn, etc…..I’m better than I was but still room for improvement
Comment by louilondon at 18/03/2025 at 12:03 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Has anyone here from the uk had therapy and what was the experience
Comment by LessRemoved at 18/03/2025 at 12:05 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yo bro, m42 here.. been through it all.
The most important question is, why are you feeling terrible? The answer may be the difference between needing a shrink or a psychiatrist ✌️
Or maybe neither, sometimes us over 30 men just need to vent.
Comment by CenturyIsRaging at 18/03/2025 at 12:06 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yep, really changed my life. Gave me tools to understand myself and others. Worth a try for sure. It's not magic, and can take some time, but if you jive with it and really want to learn about yourself (it takes courage to hang in there), it can be a wonderful opportunity to change.