created by BeginningArt8791 on 03/02/2025 at 22:48 UTC
75 upvotes, 153 top-level comments (showing 25)
Assuming you can afford it, even if it’s sometimes tight?
Would you enjoy ‘providing’ & appreciate what she does around the house, or with the kids, etc, so you don’t need to?
Would you rather 50/50 everything, as far as careers, housework, errands, & childcare duties?
Something else?
Just looking for honest opinions.
Comment by AutoModerator at 03/02/2025 at 22:48 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
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Comment by Nazty_Nash at 03/02/2025 at 23:14 UTC
128 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Yes, I DO enjoy being in that role. This is our first year where she is able to stay home and it is a huge blessing. I miss her income but I like having the house in working order and dinner ready, shopping done, and the kids are so much better off. Would do again, cannot recommend enough.
Comment by xero1986 at 03/02/2025 at 23:13 UTC
75 upvotes, 3 direct replies
Neither of those things is how it works in reality.
I worked while my wife was a SAHM for 6 years. I didn’t come home and “not have to do anything.”
Comment by ApplicationCalm649 at 03/02/2025 at 22:53 UTC
69 upvotes, 2 direct replies
If I made high six figures I'd be cool with it.
!I don't make high six figures.!<
Comment by PinItYouFairy at 03/02/2025 at 23:10 UTC
95 upvotes, 11 direct replies
I think my wife’s mental health would drastically decrease if she didn’t have employment to keep her thinking and sane. I’m sure she would enjoy just raising the kiddo in the short term but I think she would suffer medium to long term
Comment by NameLips at 03/02/2025 at 22:58 UTC
53 upvotes, 1 direct replies
My wife and I had very little money. But we always wanted a stay at home parent while the kids were young - up to elementary school age. She ended up going to school to further her career, and I was a stay at home dad for 7 years. It was a great time, honestly, even though we barely had enough money to survive.
Comment by UKnowWhoToo at 03/02/2025 at 23:10 UTC
56 upvotes, 3 direct replies
Wife and I agreed it would be best for us for her to stay home once we had kids. Had our first 15 years ago and thankfully never had to change our plan - wife’s been home since then taking care of all things household management. Chef, educator, personal assistant, interior decorator, nurse, janitor, etc… so many roles bringing so much value.
She’s also a great wife and great mother so with her handling so many tasks, it’s helped me to be an effective employee taking my income from 40k to pushing 200k this year while also making sure to be home for dinner 360 nights a year excluding date nights. I’ve grown my career more slowly to make sure I’m the best husband and father that I can be, and try to process re-engineer as much as I can in the household to ease her burden.
We are good friends more so now than we ever have been and the first 5 years of our marriage were very difficult, but we got help and worked through most of our issues.
Comment by RedInAmerica at 03/02/2025 at 23:30 UTC
16 upvotes, 2 direct replies
If you can afford it and the person staying home is willing to do their part I think it’s ideal. My fiancée is SAH and we love it. I make the money she gives me a reason to come home.
Comment by luffyuk at 03/02/2025 at 23:14 UTC
29 upvotes, 1 direct replies
My wife is the best stay at home mom in the world and I couldn't be happier.
Comment by OldManWickett at 03/02/2025 at 23:48 UTC
12 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I was a SAHM dad for 4 years after our 2nd kid was born. We had to scrape bye for a lot of that time, but it was the happiest 4 years of my life. My then wife made a good bit more than I did, but not a lot for a family of 4 and daycare for 2 kids under 2 was about what I made a week anyway. I got to raise my boys.
To this day, 20 couple years later, I still have an excellent relationship with them. I wouldn't trade those years for any amount of money.
Comment by PacerLover at 03/02/2025 at 22:57 UTC
25 upvotes, 1 direct replies
60M with boys who are 18 and 15. When we had our first, it just didn't feel right for my wife to go back to work. So she didn't. We could swing it. But unlike many of our neighbors, we have haven't taken the same number of fancy vacations (really few) or remodeled our 108 year old house or saved enough for college and retirement. My wife is younger and is now going back to work as a therapist (after graduate school the last few years), so I think she'll be working longer.
Everybody has to find what works for them. This has been all right for us. I've certainly tried to be a good partner on all the domestic stuff, and she's supported my work (which periodically has involved a lot of travel) and supported me - I work for myself so there's a fair level of stress. We have just tried to be compassionate toward each other and never "you have it easier!"
Comment by Primary_Excuse_7183 at 03/02/2025 at 23:39 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Well considering mine does. We love it. she gets to spend so much time with our little one that i wish i could. and our little one is so happy to be able to be with her. The “if something happens to my job” thought is stressful. But the day to day is great.
Wife works in healthcare so she PRNs a couple weekend shifts a month. so things don’t get stale being at home. Helps cover things like vacations and such.
Comment by itstoocold11 at 03/02/2025 at 23:00 UTC
32 upvotes, 3 direct replies
Totally personal opinion here, not my societal view etc, but I'm only having children if this can happen. Me, or my partner, I don't care who, but I want someone with them until school age.
Comment by foolproofphilosophy at 03/02/2025 at 23:27 UTC
8 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Everyone talks about the financial aspect but I feel that the mental health part doesn’t get enough attention. Not something I’ve experienced personally but I’ve seen SAH parents start to feel lost as their kids get more independent.
Comment by Lostforever3983 at 04/02/2025 at 00:02 UTC
15 upvotes, 0 direct replies
We do. We have 4 kids and my wife stays home since child #1.
Was making 68k for the first. Now make 225k at number 4.
I just want her to be happy. If a stay-at-home wife is the fullfilling life she enjoys - right on. If a career is something she wishes to pursue... right on. I support it regardless.
I am able to be my best career professional w/ her home supporting me. When I'm home, child care is a team effort. Bed time is a team effort. Chores are team efforts.
There is something very grounding by having the nuclear family and how productive a household can be when they are in a financial position to do it.
Comment by Arratril at 03/02/2025 at 23:26 UTC
5 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I’ve thought about “retiring” my wife. I make ~180k currently and she makes 70-80k. My biggest concerns are:
Comment by Timely-Profile1865 at 03/02/2025 at 23:21 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
If money is no issue, and the woman is reasonable about the household duties then I would prefer she stay home with the kids. I feel a stay at home parent makes a big difference in a kids development.
Comment by One_Air829 at 03/02/2025 at 23:22 UTC
19 upvotes, 3 direct replies
I am a provider and it kills me, I work from the crack of dawn till the night, no breakfast no lunch, house a mess, the kids are at school all day I wake up get them ready and take them she sleeps all day, I honestly hate it, it makes me hate her that any little argument spirals out of control, my main thing I hate is, on Saturday and Sunday my days off she wants to be cleaning the house and running errands, like it's my time off I wanna relax
Comment by huuaaang at 03/02/2025 at 22:55 UTC
16 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I don't enjoy "providing." I seem to lack that traditional male instinct.
Comment by BC-K2 at 03/02/2025 at 23:23 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
As long as we're good at it and our kids and household are up to our standards empathy plays a large part in this because having kids in general is time consuming and stressful.
I think 50/50 is unrealistic, Sometimes you just have to do what works. My wife and I both work, she works less.
We both still cook, clean, take of of the kids. It's never REALLY 50/50 though. Whoever has the energy or drive to do it just does it because it needs to be done and we're up for it, at least more than the other person at the time.
Comment by Kitchen-Frosting-561 at 03/02/2025 at 23:24 UTC*
5 upvotes, 1 direct replies
My opinion is that you should discuss this way before you consider marrying someone.
For context, I'm a plumber and my wife is a pediatrician. She's passionate about her work (and really, really good at it), but being home with her kids is just as important to her.
In addition to maternity leave, she's worked a 35% schedule, which she then bumped up to a 50% schedule when our youngest started kindergarten. She'll likely keep dialing up the work hours as the kids get older. Likewise, we have a nanny who's hours have shifted along with my wife's.
On the flip-side, I've been working lots of hours during the kiddos' younger years, and I've been dialing that back to accommodate things like little league and helping out with morning drop-offs.
We had a plan, and we've stuck with it while adapting. It seems to be working pretty well.
If my wife decides she'd rather stay at 50% or even work less, we're in a position to afford that. She works for her fulfillment, and although that money is damn useful, we'd be fine without it.
Comment by BreadMaker_42 at 04/02/2025 at 01:19 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I see nothing wrong with a sahw/sahm. The problem is if all they want is the sah part…
Comment by funkanimus at 04/02/2025 at 01:44 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
My wife did not work much, if at all, until the kids got to elementary school. It’s not something I would have envisioned. It’s what she wanted. She became the COO of the household and was amazing at it. Incredibly loving, affectionate, and involved with every aspect of the children’s lives. Volunteered at every school and sports organization. Founded her own business when kids started elementary and works 20-30 hrs a week. She does most of the housework but does not touch anything in the yard. I do all work outside, all repairs and maintenance, etc. Kids are in their later years of high school now. She runs the school’s program for their sports and is on the principal’s small management committee. Actually not that uncommon here. Women run the schools and local government. The men are wage slaves bringing home good income. We are respected for our role, but all the important stuff (kids and school) are managed by the women. Not for lack of interest or desire, but they are just involved in everything and know everything. The mom network talks constantly and knows what everyone is up to. Although I feel left out sometimes, I do feel loved and appreciated. It has worked really well for us. Running a family is similar to running a business. You need clear division of responsibility to be efficient.
Comment by a_sword_and_an_oath at 03/02/2025 at 22:54 UTC*
17 upvotes, 5 direct replies
EDIT i am so sorry , som3one just pointed out what I've said was really quite unkind and insulting. That was really not cool of me. I've deleted it.
Comment by thefaceinthepalm at 03/02/2025 at 23:22 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
So before you have kids, you have to have that conversation about expectations and desires after the kids come into the picture.
Finances are a concern, but it’s all about what you both want out of the family life, and making that decision together.
If you can manage one parent to stay home and keep your life afloat. There’s no issue