created by SandiegoJack on 02/02/2025 at 23:23 UTC
255 upvotes, 34 top-level comments (showing 25)
My wife is 39 weeks pregnant, and today she has gone HAM on the food. Like 2-3 times what she has been eating recently.
She asked me to grab some cookies and before I could think I said “Well someone has been a hungry hungry” brain kicks in “person”
Wife looks at me and says “you were about to say hippo weren’t you”
“Yeah my brain just saved me on that one”
Comment by AutoModerator at 02/02/2025 at 23:23 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
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Comment by UncoolSlicedBread at 02/02/2025 at 23:32 UTC
128 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Oof, you should go apologize and let her know that you would love her even if she was a worm or a hippo.
Come back with the results.
Comment by SonnySmilez at 02/02/2025 at 23:38 UTC
59 upvotes, 3 direct replies
I once thought it would be appropriate to call my similarly pregnant baby mama “Wife-a-potamus” because I thought it would be cute. It was not well received. 😅
Comment by Matt_Wwood at 02/02/2025 at 23:40 UTC
28 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I was a teenager and touched a rock to third rail, assuming the rock wasn’t conductive.
It wasn’t, why I’m typing this, but I could feel it tingle.
I did use the wrong name during adult time. I’d take my chances with that rock every time.
Comment by freddyshare at 02/02/2025 at 23:28 UTC
18 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Thank you for doing this instead of me. Wife is 37w and can picture doing the exact same thing lol. Also Congrats!
Comment by GatVRC at 02/02/2025 at 23:39 UTC
9 upvotes, 5 direct replies
I drove on the highway to work in a state with some of the worst drivers in the country who do not respect any road laws nor do the cops enforce them.
I pass at minimum 6 wrecked cars on the side of the road every day, see blowouts daily littering rubber all over the side of the road and occasionally IN the road. And once every 2-3 weeks see a flipped or pancaked car surrounded with cops and paramedics. Today was a flipped car, two weeks ago the pancaked car had blood all over the visible airbag with a covered body on the ground
Welcome to the music city I guess, once it’s my turn to get smushed by someone doing 90+ then I’ll finally regret accepting the offer to move here
Comment by Outlaw6985 at 02/02/2025 at 23:32 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
speeding to work cause i was late
Comment by HairyHorseKnuckles at 02/02/2025 at 23:36 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
My kid left her shoe in the middle a a stair. Luckily it was only the second step from the bottom or wouldn’t be able to make this comment
Comment by OkQuantity4011 at 02/02/2025 at 23:42 UTC
5 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Lol. Hungry hungry hippo is hilarious 😂 I would laugh so hard I went in to labor. You two sounds awesome.
Comment by Krijali at 03/02/2025 at 00:00 UTC
6 upvotes, 1 direct replies
This is a few weeks ago, but my wife and I were fighting about something that will be meaningless in five years time.
She said “if we never got married, you’d be surrounded by cats!”
And I unconsciously took a gamble and said “and a few dogs!”
Thing is, we both love animals so this would have ended one of two ways: she’d kill me for what could be an escalation or we’d both start laughing at the absurdity of it all. And let me be clear, me saying that was definitely not a calculated decision. It was 100% an unconscious roll of the dice.
I’m alive today because we both started laughing.
Comment by DrFloyd5 at 02/02/2025 at 23:58 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Two weeks ago. Car accident. It was daddy and daughter’s first drive with her behind the wheel. We almost rammed a telephone pole. Fortunately we hit something smaller that just bent the rim and maybe the suspension.
We are fine.
Comment by Good-Jackfruit8592 at 03/02/2025 at 00:16 UTC
4 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Look, I’m not going to say you were in the right, but I would hazard a guess that at 39 weeks you could outrun her
Comment by FarSwim806 at 03/02/2025 at 01:34 UTC
4 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I see nothing wrong with saying it because it appears to be true and there is nothing wrong with being a hungry hungry hippo when you growing a whole ass human in your body.
Comment by BendingDoor at 03/02/2025 at 03:20 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Guys
Comment by Banjo-Router-Sports7 at 02/02/2025 at 23:46 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Splitting between two narrow lanes on a bicycle/walking path.
Comment by hibbityhibbity at 03/02/2025 at 00:18 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Caterpillar would have been the best response.
Comment by NiteTiger at 03/02/2025 at 00:20 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I have successfully survived calling my pregnant ex a "pregosaur" and an elephant. Not sure how, my memory goes blank
Comment by BatLarge5604 at 03/02/2025 at 01:51 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Not today but I work on a farm with a one eyed farmer, it's only a matter of time!
Comment by thexcues- at 03/02/2025 at 00:04 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Ooof.
She might just knock your head with a pan.
Comment by BreadMaker_42 at 03/02/2025 at 00:08 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
She is pretty and full of hormones. She might be able to kill you with no jail time.
Comment by Legitimate-Donkey477 at 03/02/2025 at 00:09 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I skied into a tree. Luckily not straight on or too fast, so I’ll just have a big ol’ bruise on my shin.
Comment by BillKelly22 at 03/02/2025 at 00:21 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Close call
Comment by MisterMcNastyTV at 03/02/2025 at 00:47 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
That is 110% something that I would've said. It reminds me of a time I was on a family trip with my ex and they asked if we wanted any monster and I said "I have all the monster I need right here" hugging my gf... I don't wonder why I stay single lmao.
Comment by TheRtHonLaqueesha at 03/02/2025 at 01:10 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Got into a car. Chance of dying went up.
Comment by NiceTryWasabi at 03/02/2025 at 01:30 UTC*
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Mushrooms+Costco=Bad
Today I went to the vape shop with my buddy and had a Costco list for after. Turns out the vape shop sells micro doses of MUSHROOM gummies. Asked the guy if you can actually trip off them, he says "sure, if you eat the whole bag".
Now, as an experienced person in those things I figured let's put this to the test but within reason. So my buddy and I split the bag (5 gummies a piece) as we head off to Costco. Keep in mind, this a week before the Superbowl, a week before tariffs, in the middle of a Sunday. Place was PACKED.
Holy shit that was a bad idea. No idea how we made it out alive, got home unloaded the things. Put on a trippy movie like an idiot, because it took it further. My senses are finally back enough that this is the first thing I'm posting.
Probably could have died today doing something stupid because I was unprepared for a trip. Normally I'd plan this shit out.
Gonna respect those "microdose" edibles for what they are moving forward. Since you all are obviously curious, yes 5 of those will have your vision creating refractals off everything. No you shouldn't got to Costco on mushrooms. I'm an average size male. That was pushing my trip comfort zone from a dosage.
Why does the vape store carry this shit and not the weed store!?! Learned a strong lesson today. Still alive.
