https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/ftlzuf/thank_you_everyone_who_participated_in/
created by Georgy_K_Zhukov on 02/04/2020 at 13:06 UTC*
3631 upvotes, 46 top-level comments (showing 25)
Thank you to everyone for making our April Fools, 2020 theme one of the most enjoyable April Fools on the sub so far! We were blown away by the great content, the great turnout, and the great press[1] as well! If you enjoyed it, please check out the archives for the past April Fools events[2], and if you enjoyed *this*, while it is a one-off, /r/AmItheButtface allows submissions like this year round!
1: https://slate.com/technology/2020/04/april-fools-aita-askhistorians-reddit.html
2: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/wiki/index#wiki_april_fools
With nearly 100 submissions though, it was easy to miss a few of them, and of course, everyone wants to know what the final judgements were as well! So here we go! Myself and /u/enclavedmicrostate have tallied it all up and, at least as of 9AM, EDT, here is your listing of the biggest assholes of history, and a few folks who were totally justified in what they did, apparently.
Submission | "Author" | Author | YTA | NTA | ESH | NAH | Determination | --- | --- | --- | --- | --- | --- | --- | --- | AITA for systematically supporting and financing dozens of violent military regimes, therefore helping destabilize continents for more than a decade, and covertly providing aid for the murder and disappearance of hundreds of thousands of people?[3] | /u/-Henry-Kissinger- | /u/aquatermain | 6 | 9 | 2 | 0 | NTA | AITA for asking some maroon friends to help me steal from the Spanish only to accidentally spark a four-year-long scorched earth campaign against my allies?[4] | /u/-Non_sufficit_orbis- | /u/historianLA | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | No Plurality | AITA if, by tricking leaders into a system of unstable alliances and counter-alliances, I end up creating contributing factors that will eventually spark not one, but two World Wars?[5] | /u/-Otto-von-Bismarck- | /u/aquatermain | 1 | 5 | 1 | 0 | NTA | AITA for burning ships and bombarding a city?[6] | /u/-PedroAlvaresCabral- | /u/terminus-trantor | 2 | 2 | 1 | 0 | No Plurality | I (27M) have held my realm together and protected it from outside threat for ten years. But my vassals are always fighting with each other and won't listen to me. So I've decided to abandon everything and become a monk. AITA?[7] | /u/2ndViceCensorNagao | /u/ParallelPain | 2 | 1 | 1 | 1 | YTA | AITA for leading my people to a new land, and then setting myself and my family up as de facto gentry?[8] | /u/AbercalderNoMore | /u/lngwstksgk | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | No Plurality | I (35M) have made it my life's mission to overturn all my father's policies. AITA?[9] | /u/AbkaiWehiyehe | /u/EnclavedMicrostate | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | NTA | WIBTA if I pushed for Germany to restart Unrestricted Submarine Warfare?[10] | /u/Admiral_Holtzendorff | /u/IlluminatiRex | 2 | 6 | 0 | 0 | NTA | AITA if I don't accept certain prospective students to my university?[11] | /u/admissions_rep | /u/hannahstohelit | 2 | 2 | 0 | 0 | No Plurality | WIBTA if I accuse my neighbor of witchcraft?[12] | /u/Ann_Putnam_Jr | /u/dhowlett1692 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 0 | NTA | AITA For supporting my son during his attempt to take over the family business?[13] | /u/Aquitaine_Duchess | /u/Aquitaine_Duchess | 0 | 6 | 0 | 0 | NTA | AITA for leaving my family homeless to attempt to restore the rightful king after previous attempts failed?[14] | /u/ArdnamurchanPoet | /u/lngwstksgk | 2 | 2 | 0 | 0 | No Plurality | IAMA drummer (21M) who just got sacked by my band (22M, 20M, 19M). My mates beat up the new drummer, AITA for not doing more to stop them?[15] | /u/BestOfTheBeatles | /u/HillsongHoods / /u/Georgy_K_Zhukov | 0 | 8 | 1 | 0 | NTA | AITA for fighting a duel, being forgiven by the King, and then dueling again despite his edict not to?[16] | /u/Big_Boute | /u/Georgy_K_Zhukov | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | YTA | I (27F) hoped to shame men into doing their duty for Mother Russia. Now I suffer endless abuse and torment from soldiers who wanted the war to end. AITA?[17] | /u/Call_me_Yashka | /u/silverappleyard | 0 | 3 | 0 | 1 | NTA | AITA for contrabanding low quality iron axes, selling them to the natives for cheap, and making a killing off them for repairing and sharpening them?[18] | /u/CapitanValdes | /u/TywinDeVillena | 1 | 1 | 0 | 1 | No Plurality | AWTA for trying to administer uniform government and religion in our kingdoms?[19] | /u/Carolus_Rex_Anglorum | /u/RTarcher | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | No Plurality | AITA For Making A Profit While Failing In My Attempt To End Genocide?[20] | /u/ChiefProtectorGAR | /u/Djiti-Djiti | 0 | 0 | 3 | 0 | ESH | AITA for complaining about my lack of familial support in my old age?[21] | /u/Chlodoveus | /u/Libertat | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | NTA | WIBTA If I lock my son in a rice chest and starve him until he dies?[22] | /u/ConfucianKingYeongjo | /u/huianxin | 4 | 15 | 2 | 1 | NTA | WIBTA for looking after my own career, rather than taking blame for failures that weren't really my fault?[23] | /u/David_Beatty | /u/thefourthmaninaboat | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | No Plurality | AITA for breaking a man's nose at my wife's funeral?[24] | /u/DickIIBomb | /u/cdesmoulins | 0 | 3 | 0 | 0 | NTA | AITA for imprisoning my wife for refusing an annulment and taking a stand against Richard the Lionheart?[25] | /u/dieu-donne | /u/CoeurdeLionne | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | No Plurality | WIBTA if, in my capacity as head of company security, I use overwhelming military force to disperse some whiney rabble-rousers camped front and protesting?[26] | /u/DotheDougieMcA | /u/Georgy_K_Zhukov | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | YTA | WIBTA for leaving my daughter's name off a manuscript?[27] | /u/DrJohnDewey | /u/EdHistory101 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | No Plurality | AITA for bringing a chicken into the forum?[28] | /u/EdgelordDiogenes | /u/Oh-My-God-Do-I-Try | 5 | 11 | 2 | 2 | NTA | WIBTA if I quit the family business to marry the woman I love since my family doesn't approve of our relationship?[29] | /u/EightballEddie | /u/coinsinmyrocket | 0 | 3 | 0 | 0 | NTA | AITA for writing lots of liturgical poetry?[30] | /u/Elazar_HaKallir | /u/gingeryid | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | YTA | AITA for liberating most of the world's finest continent from the Spanish yoke, taking all the credit for it, failing to free slaves like I promised to and ending up flat broke?[31] | /u/ElLibertadorSimon | /u/drylaw | 2 | 2 | 0 | 1 | No Plurality | I did an interview with a newspaper now everyone is mad at me, AITA?[32] | /u/EmperorWilhelmII | /u/Abrytan | 4 | 6 | 1 | 0 | NTA | 1 AITA for entering into an agreement with the Smithsonian that effectively dictated how history would remember my brother and I?[33] | /u/fraternallycorrect | /u/9XsOeLc0SdGjbqbedCnt | 1 | 4 | 0 | 0 | NTA | I (61M) tried to make all my sons happy, but I think I might have just made their relationship even worse, AITA?[34] | /u/genghiskhanobi | /u/cthulhushrugged | 2 | 2 | 5 | 0 | ESH | AITA because I slapped a soldier who was a lily-livered, goddamn COWARD in order in try and put some fighting spirit back into him? Oh, and then did it again? Obviously not, but why are they, I mean?[35] | /u/George_S_Patton_Jr | /u/Georgy_K_Zhukov | 8 | 8 | 2 | 0 | No Plurality | After years of victories, my army has decided that they want to call it quits and return home. I think they've lost sight of what really matters and refuse to listen to my demands that we push on. AITA?[36] | /u/GOATAlexander | /u/coinsinmyrocket | 2 | 4 | 0 | 1 | NTA | AITA for tryinᵹ to overthroƿ my brother?[37] | /u/Godwinsdohtor | /u/Ameisen | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | No Plurality | [AITA] AITA for my (35F) being present at my boyfriend's (28F) creative music sessions?[38] | /u/Grapefruit1964 | /u/hillsonghoods | 3 | 8 | 2 | 1 | NTA | WIBTA if I Invaded My Own Lands While the Emperor Is on Crusade?[39] | /u/HeinrichderLoewe | /u/butter_milk | 0 | 6 | 0 | 0 | NTA | We (28M) haþ mad werre on Oure Roial Cosin, þat ys an usurpur, cause he wille not yeuen vs þa hond of hys douther (13F). AWTA?[40] | /u/Henry_V_Rex | /u/Hergrim | 4 | 11 | 0 | 1 | NTA | AITA for accidentally putting a hit out on my best friend, imprisoning my wife, and not giving my sons every little thing they want?[41] | /u/Henry2Curtmantle | /u/CoeurdeLionne | 8 | 10 | 2 | 0 | NTA | AITA for defying the Cuban governor, setting up a colony to grant me the position of adelantado, going on to conquer an entire kingdom, and exaggerating the cultural practices of the natives in the hope I could justify my actions, retain my riches, and avoid being tried and executed for my crimes?[42] | /u/HernanCortesdeMonroy | /u/Mictlantecuhtli | 9 | 6 | 3 | 0 | YTA | I left my employer due to feeling unappreciated and constant undeserved criticism for our closest competitor, in doing so, I gave my new employer inside info from my previous employer, AITA?[43] | /u/HeyBArnold | /u/coinsinmyrocket | 2 | 2 | 0 | 0 | No Plurality | AITA for imposing a 10 cent tax on my neighbor despite needing the money?[44] | /u/HilarionDaza | /u/Bernardito | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | YTA | AITA for meddling in the foreign affairs of another country to assist in the military overthrow of the government?[45] | /u/HL_Wilson_Esq | /u/Georgy_K_Zhukov | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | YTA | My (50M) crusade against the demons has been faltering as of late. AITA for starting it, or should China have been left to wallow in sin?[46] | /u/Hong_Xiuquan | /u/EnclavedMicrostate | 3 | 3 | 1 | 0 | No Plurality | My brothers betrayed me so I threw them in a dungeon and let them starve. AITA?[47] | /u/HwarLaghtiIakNykilin | /u/Platypuskeeper | 1 | 1 | 3 | 0 | ESH | WIBTA if I supported my father-in-law in his war against my country?[48] | /u/Iphikrates | /u/Iphikrates | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | No Plurality | AITA for using 'cowardly' javelins to destroy Spartan hoplites? How else am I supposed to do it?[49] | /u/Iphikrates | /u/Iphikrates | 6 | 9 | 1 | 0 | NTA | I (M31) have just been kicked out of Spain after a TRIFLING misunderstanding, after gallantly volunteering my service for the Republican cause. AITA?[50] | /u/James_Justice | /u/crrpit | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | NAH | WIBTA if I (m18) challenged my friend (m18) to a duel because he wouldn’t concede that I had laid claim to the trout at dinner first?[51] | /u/John_G_Adams | /u/Georgy_K_Zhukov | 0 | 6 | 2 | 0 | NTA | AITA for having my nephew assassinated ?[52] | /u/John_the_Fearless | /u/FrenchMurazor | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | NTA | I (M 39) want to Make China Great Again! AITA?[53] | /u/KingYingZheng | /u/cthulhushrugged | 2 | 4 | 0 | 1 | NTA | AITA for firing my long-time vassal?[54] | /u/LateRightMinisterOda | /u/ParallelPain | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | NTA | AITA FOR KICKING A PERSIAN MESSENGER DOWN A WELL?[55] | /u/LEONIDAAAS | /u/Iphikrates | 17 | 9 | 2 | 0 | YTA | AITA for *Accidentally* Blinding my Nephew to Death after he totally Rebelled Against Me?[56] | /u/LouisNvrLafs | /u/Mediaevumed | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | YTA | AITA For joining the British Army[57] | /u/LoyalRedcoat | /u/generalleeblount | 0 | 4 | 0 | 0 | NTA | AITA for sending my men to attack the same river valley 11 times?[58] | /u/Luigi-Cadorna | /u/quiaudetvincet | 10 | 9 | 1 | 0 | YTA | AITA for helping my friend stop an attempted coup?[59] | /u/Marshal_G_K_Zhukov | /u/Georgy_K_Zhukov | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | NTA | AITA for losing touch with my friends after I (M) went away to a private school?[60] | /u/Michael1958Jackson | /u/Yazman | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | NTA | AIT Stronzo For Proposing to the Pope Joke Specs to a Bronze Statue after He Wouldn't Stop Pestering Me With Inane Minchia?[61] | /u/MikeyBuonarroti | /u/Yulong | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | NTA | AITA for filing a whistleblower complaint, then calling my boss's boss the Antichrist and burning his letter when he threatened me?[62] | /u/mluther_1517 | /u/dromio05 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 0 | NTA | AITA for someone getting his stupid self killed by doing what I told him not to do?[63] | /u/mrwilliamgladstone | /u/kingconani | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | NTA | AITA because I try to help prostitutes make a better life for themselves?[64] | /u/mrwilliamgladstone | /u/kingconani | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | No Plurality | AITA For Denouncing my Old Boss?[65] | /u/Nikitty20th | /u/facepoundr | 1 | 2 | 0 | 0 | NTA | WIBTA if I [32F] exile my abusive husband and take his job because I know I can do it better?[66] | /u/NotSophieAnymore | /u/lavasloke | 3 | 5 | 0 | 0 | NTA | AITA For subjugating the Papacy and bringing order to Christendom?[67] | /u/Otto_der_Gross | /u/Antiochene | 2 | 4 | 1 | 0 | NTA | AITA for being the sexiest love poet in Augustan Rome?[68] | /u/OvidiusRedditor | /u/toldinstone | 9 | 6 | 1 | 1 | YTA | AITA for going to this ritual?[69] | /u/P_Clodius_Pulcher | /u/HydrogenHydroxide | 2 | 0 | 1 | 0 | YTA | AITA for offering my employer some suggestions to improve long-term customer satisfaction?[70] | /u/ProfMartinLuther | /u/sunagainstgold | 5 | 7 | 2 | 2 | NTA | AITA for not stopping my fight against the evil man whose amulets contain clear references to the false redeemer Sabbatai Zevi?[71] | /u/Rabbi_Jacob_Emden | /u/hannahstohelit | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | YTA | There were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident. AITA?[72] | /u/Retiarius_of_Rome | /u/DGBD | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | NTA | AITA For Killing a Barbarian's Trade Envoy?[73] | /u/Shah-Muhammad-II | /u/Shah-Muhammad-II | 2 | 2 | 2 | 1 | No Plurality | WIBTA if I burned some people's grain?[74] | /u/Sicarii4eva | /u/gingeryid | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | YTA | AITA For Discrediting And Misrepresenting A Dead Colleague’s Work And Founding A New Field In Its Stead?[75] | /u/SirRonaldFisher | /u/SirRonaldFisher | 2 | 2 | 0 | 0 | No Plurality | AITA for becoming Jarl of an island with no ruler?[76] | /u/SnorriSEdda | /u/sagathain | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | NTA | AITA for questioning everything?[77] | /u/Sokrates_of_Athens | /u/Iphikrates | 10 | 1 | 0 | 2 | YTA | I just stabbed the ruler of the known world to death after deciding he was an impostor, and declared myself king, and now all these vassals are rebelling against me. AITA?[78] | /u/SpearBearerDareios | /u/lcnielsen | 1 | 2 | 0 | 0 | NTA | I (45M) declared myself provisional President of the Republic – well, I declared a republic – without consulting my allies or the guy (52M) they're negotiating with, leaving that guy no choice except to accept a republican settlement with him as the compromise candidate for President. AITA?[79] | /u/Sun_Yat_Sen_1911 | /u/EnclavedMicrostate | 0 | 3 | 0 | 0 | NTA | AITA for imprisoning a man until he agreed to marry me?[80] | /u/thecountessofcarrick | /u/historiagrephour | 16 | 31 | 6 | 4 | NTA | AITA for being relieved that my husband is dead?[81] | /u/tudorwife | /u/mimicofmodes | 0 | 8 | 1 | 1 | NTA | AITA for hiding my past relationships?[82] | /u/tudorwife | /u/mimicofmodes | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | ESH | AITA for turning off my husband?[83] | /u/tudorwife | /u/mimicofmodes | 1 | 7 | 0 | 2 | NTA | AITA for loving my husband?[84] | /u/tudorwife | /u/mimicofmodes | 0 | 6 | 1 | 0 | NTA | AITA for losing my temper with my husband?[85] | /u/tudorwife | /u/mimicofmodes | 1 | 3 | 4 | 0 | ESH | AITA for questioning my husband’s religious convictions?[86] | /u/tudorwife | /u/mimicofmodes | 6 | 14 | 1 | 0 | NTA | My colleagues often accuse me of being unavailable whenever they need to reach me as well as constantly micromanaging those that work under me despite my track record of early successes, AITA?[87] | /u/VersteckspielChamp | /u/coinsinmyrocket | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | YTA | AITA for asking my boss for alternative payments?[88] | /u/vonWallenstein | /u/Lubyak | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | NTA | I sailed Third Fleet through a typhoon last year and now my meteorologist is predicting another, WIBTA if this happens again?[89] | /u/William-Halsey | /u/jschooltiger | 3 | 3 | 0 | 0 | No Plurality | AITA For trying to secure my throne?[90] | /u/XsayathiyaKabujiya | /u/Trevor_Culley | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | NTA | AITA (50M) for getting in a fight with my (former) co-worker?[91] | /u/YaBoyJules | /u/Celebreth | 1 | 2 | 1 | 0 | NTA | AITA for giving my subordinates very specific instructions?[92] | /u/Yamamoto_56 | /u/Lubyak | 0 | 2 | 2 | 0 | No Plurality |
10: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/ft0zeu/wibta_if_i_pushed_for_germany_to_restart/
38: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/fsoom5/aita_aita_for_my_35f_being_present_at_my/
52: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/fsy33v/aita_for_having_my_nephew_assassinated/
54: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/fsy0ff/aita_for_firing_my_longtime_vassal/
57: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/ft63jw/aita_for_joining_the_british_army/
65: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/ft0jek/aita_for_denouncing_my_old_boss/
69: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/ft817h/aita_for_going_to_this_ritual/
74: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/fsp3mt/wibta_if_i_burned_some_peoples_grain/
77: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/fsvzh8/aita_for_questioning_everything/
82: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/ft3sg1/aita_for_hiding_my_past_relationships/
83: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/ft35oi/aita_for_turning_off_my_husband/
84: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/ft1d4g/aita_for_loving_my_husband/
87: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/ft2556/my_colleagues_often_accuse_me_of_being/
90: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/ft26qx/aita_for_trying_to_secure_my_throne/
Comment by Georgy_K_Zhukov at 02/04/2020 at 14:00 UTC*
153 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Seems only right to do a bit of a rundown of the more *proper* history for the posts I did!
WIBTA if I (m18) challenged my friend (m18) to a duel because he wouldn’t concede that I had laid claim to the trout at dinner first?[1] by /u/John_G_Adams [Student | Man of Honor] is based on an account of the South Carolina College duel of 1833. As with so much of the history of dueling, our knowledge of it is based on minimal sourcing, but it is described essentially as detailed in the post, with two friends quarreling over a plate of trout at dinner, and the school's social convention of "first come, first serve" causing it to become a matter of honor, which saw Adams lose his life. You can read more in:
Walker, William E. 1951. “The South Carolina College Duel of 1833.” The South Carolina Historical and Genealogical Magazine 52 (3): 140–42.
AITA because I slapped a soldier who was a lily-livered, goddamn COWARD in order in try and put some fighting spirit back into him? Oh, and then did it again? Obviously not, but why are they, I mean?[2] by /u/George_S_Patton_Jr [Warrior of Destiny | Wicked Good Backhand] is of course based on the infamous pair of incidents in Patton's career. Slapping two soldiers, roughly a week apart, in August of 1943, saw PAtton censured privately by Ike with Patton forced to apologize, but the whole thing was kept under wraps until a journalist broke the story several months later, igniting a veritable firestorm of public indignation which almost ended his career.
AITA for meddling in the foreign affairs of another country to assist in the military overthrow of the government?[3] by /u/HL_Wilson_Esq [Magnificently Mustachioed Manifest Destiny] is an accounting of the 'Ten Tragic Days', which saw the overthrow of the Mexican government under Madero by a military coup, which was greatly facilitated by the machinations of Wilson, the American Ambassador at the time. I've written a more even-handed account of it in this thread[4].
AITA for helping my friend stop an attempted coup?[5] by /u/Marshal_G_K_Zhukov [Four Time Hero of AskHistorians April Fools] is, of course, about Zhukov himself, detailing the chain of events which saw his ouster from power by Khrushchev. After seeing the degree of respect which Zhukov commanded following the attempted coup by the Anti-Party Group in mid-1957, Khrushchev began to see Zhukov as a real threat to his position, within mere months he himself was being accused of disloyalty and forced into retirement. I've written more extensively on the matter here[6].
AITA for fighting a duel, being forgiven by the King, and then dueling again despite his edict not to?[7] by /u/Big_Boute [Straight Outta Comte] recounts the fate of François de Montmorency, comte de Lux et de Bouteville, known to history alongside his Second as one of the few persons executed for fighting a duel, having the poor choice of working *very hard* to thumb his nose at the King (and his minister, Richelieu) mere months after a new edict had been passed. In Early Modern France, a pardon for a duel was practically automatic, given out by the thousands, but the Kings did at least make token efforts to clamp down on the institution, and Bouteville pushed too far at the absolute worst time. For a good accounting of Bouteville and the larger circumstances around his death, try:
Herr, Richard. 1955. “Honor versus Absolutism: Richelieu’s Fight against Dueling.” The Journal of Modern History 27 (3): 281–85.
WIBTA if, in my capacity as head of company security, I use overwhelming military force to disperse some whiney rabble-rousers camped front and protesting?[8] by /u/DotheDougieMcA [I'll Be Back | Better Part of Valor] is a reference to the Bonus March of 1932 which camped out in Washington, DC, and was put down with military force led by MacArthur. This old answer of mine details it more[9].
Comment by Georgy_K_Zhukov at 02/04/2020 at 13:19 UTC
169 upvotes, 4 direct replies
A few numbers that I've crunched for the curious!
/u/LEONIDAAAS got the largest number of votes for being the Asshole.
/u/thecountessofcarrick got the largest number of votes for NOT being the Asshole, as well as being the situation with the most determinations that everyone sucked, *and* no one was the asshole.
The clearest asshole was /u/Sicarii4eva, with 4 YTA and 0 opposition to that.
The most justified, with 6 NTA and 0 opposition, was /u/Aquitaine_Duchess, although /u/BestOfTheBeatles came quite close if only for that 'ESH'.
Using my patent pending 'Asshole Quotient' Formula ((YTA+ESH)/(NTA+NAH), excluding anyone with less than 10 total votes), /u/Sokrates_of_Athens was determined to be the generally worst asshole of the entire bunch, while /u/Henry2Curtmantle was the most controversial.
Comment by Skipp_To_My_Lou at 02/04/2020 at 15:35 UTC
71 upvotes, 3 direct replies
Special shoutout to u/hergrim for staying so in character as Henry V that he wrote in Middle English... which was surprisingly easy for me to understand, at least as it was written.
Comment by Bernardito at 02/04/2020 at 14:22 UTC*
61 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Daza didn't last long as president. After making one of the strangest choices in the war[1], he was overthrown in a coup.
Comment by CLMRLa at 02/04/2020 at 14:08 UTC
43 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Thank you everyone who posted. I haven't laughed that much in a while.
Comment by WhoTookPlasticJesus at 02/04/2020 at 17:19 UTC
40 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I love that Sokrates was judged **overwhelmingly** to be the asshole.
Comment by crrpit at 02/04/2020 at 13:46 UTC
107 upvotes, 4 direct replies
Kissinger escapes justice, yet again!
Comment by ConfucianKingYeongjo at 02/04/2020 at 15:34 UTC
34 upvotes, 2 direct replies
As the most benevolent and excellent King of Joseon, I, like in the past with my tax surveys, shall listen to the peasants and do as they ask! **The prince will die!** The kingdom is cleansed of great evil!
The other thing this little public court session has shown me is the complete lack of ability and awareness from the common people. No wonder we maintain the civil service examinations! Letting the people take control would mean the realm would descend into utter chaos! I don't even think they know what year it is, or which kingdom they reside in. All the more reason Joseon needs a capable ruler.
Comment by MjolnirPants at 02/04/2020 at 15:11 UTC
33 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I saw so many YTA comments on these that I'm considering petitioning Oxford to remove "history" from the dictionary and replace it with "asshology".
Comment by DanDierdorf at 02/04/2020 at 17:02 UTC
29 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Best prepared responses has to be hillsonghoods. When his character was told "get over yourself", they responded with this published piece:
.
Stir inside of your brains with a penis
until things are mixed well.
Take a walk. "
This was just one of many.
Comment by Gankom at 02/04/2020 at 14:52 UTC
48 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Hugely amazing job everyone! It was incredibly well done, and I had an absolute blast reading things. Also shout out to /u/thecountessofcarrick for making sure I got a sweet 400+ comment karma for making a 'dating is hard' joke.
Comment by ParallelPain at 02/04/2020 at 16:50 UTC*
19 upvotes, 0 direct replies
For my two pieces I actually paraphrased the primary sources into what I think they'd sound like in modern English. The sources are Nagao Kagetora (later Uesugi Kenshin)'s letter he wrote in 1556 to a monk he knew explaining why he's decided to enter a monastery, and Oda Nobunaga's published reasons for firing Sakuma Nobumori in 1580 found in the Shinchōkōki.
Popular depictions show Kenshin as the honourable lord while Nobunaga was the ruthless, bloodthirsty brute. Reality on the other hand is a lot more complicated. So it's really interesting to me that when shown the what they wrote in their own words (sort of) Kenshin's voted YTA while Nobunaga's NTA.
Interestingly based on Kenshin's letter (which is a lot longer than what I posted and spend many more words harping on the accomplishments of his ancestry, and then a bit on his own), and how his vassals responded when they heard, many historians think he was forcing his vassals to pledge renewed loyalty to him and never actually wanted to enter a monastery.
Comment by sunagainstgold at 02/04/2020 at 15:23 UTC*
37 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Also, for anyone interested:
...So if you're wondering, yes, "YTA." (Or at the very least, ESH.)
Thank you to everyone who made me laugh with your responses!
Comment by [deleted] at 02/04/2020 at 16:31 UTC
16 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Impersonating an incompetent meme general was a ton of fun! Thank you to the organizers and those who came to the defense of Luigi Cadorna's honor.
Comment by barakvesh at 02/04/2020 at 16:00 UTC
37 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I can't believe Henry Goddamn Kissinger got judged NTA. Shameful
Comment by ErickFTG at 02/04/2020 at 17:46 UTC
13 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I want to thank all the historians that created this stories on alt accounts. All of them were very funny.
I got to say my two favorites were the threads made by u/Sokrates_of_Athens and /u/OvidiusRedditor . Their responses and the public comments were comedy gold.
Comment by 8557019 at 02/04/2020 at 16:26 UTC
11 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I enjoyed this immensely. Thank you for the much needed break from working during the coronavirus shitshow.
Comment by coinsinmyrocket at 02/04/2020 at 15:57 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Really enjoyed doing this, a big thanks to everyone who participated!
Comment by rocketman0739 at 02/04/2020 at 17:37 UTC
8 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Looks like Ovid is erroneously marked NAH when he was voted YTA?
Comment by hannahstohelit at 03/04/2020 at 00:19 UTC
8 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Both of mine have their roots in two past posts of mine- Jews and university acceptance[1] and the Emden-Eybeschuetz Controversy[2].
1: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/awky8y/_/eho47lm/
Comment by [deleted] at 02/04/2020 at 16:33 UTC
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I fucking own two account for the First Emperor of the Qin dynasty and Xunzi. This would be been great.
Comment by EnclavedMicrostate at 02/04/2020 at 22:59 UTC
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
My three weren't that original, I basically just resurrected my Day of the Dead takes.
Hong Xiuquan should go without saying – how one imagines a delusional messianic figure might act.
The Qianlong Emperor (*Abkai Wehiyehe huwangdi* in Manchu) was perhaps a bit exaggerated in his Manchu-centrism, but still rooted very much in his early reign's attempts to basically completely elide the Yongzheng reign and act like he was the direct successor to Kangxi. Indeed, he later claimed that Kangxi chose Yongzheng not for Yongzheng himself, but because he saw the potential in Qianlong (which given that he was only 11 when Kangxi died, seems exceedingly improbable).
Sun Yat-Sen was portrayed very cynically, but also, he deserves to be :P Sun Yat-Sen's actual contribution to the 1911 Revolution is really quite minor, what he did was ride on the coattails of a widespread revolt started by independent radicals and supported mainly by the traditional elite, not his revolutionary clique. Hence Li Yuanhong dropping in to give Sun's supporters a piece of his mind.
Comment by lngwstksgk at 03/04/2020 at 00:13 UTC*
8 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Well, I'm here late after a much longer and busier day than yesterday was in lngwstksgk land to do a run down of my two, ArdnamurchanPoet and AbercalderNoMore (I am very sorry someone already nabbed LochaberNoMore).
I just did an explanation on AbercalderNoMore here[1], so if you would like to know more about early Canadian settlement, the Gaelic influence in Ontario, and three fascinating Scottish brothers, check that out.
For ArdnamurchanPoet, I was writing about the situation in which Alasdair MacMhaighstir Alasdair (aka Alexander MacDonald--yeah I wasn't thinking when I picked all these super super similar named guys) found himself after the failed Jacobite Rising of 1746. I did play a little bit in implying he left his wife and child homeless in the hills, but what exactly became of Alasdair in his later years is not known. He went into hiding at the same time Prince Charles Edward Stuart did, shortly after his lands and properties were seized, and likely the family did camp in caves in the Highlands. During this time as well, Alasdair wrote a series of poems called the *As-Eiridh*, which he was able to get published with some of the money from the Loch Arkaig treasure. This is what ArdnamurchanPoet is referencing with regard to French and Spanish coin.
One of the poems in this book is called *An Airce*, The Ark, and it is from Ronald Black's translation of that that I quoted in response to /u/RealUEL. Since I got a nice Gaelic judgement from /u/Kelpie-Cat, I returned back another piece of Alasdair's poetry in Gaelic, with only a minor change at the end to customize to our scenario. Translated, that becomes,
You've a hedgehog's visage, a boar's belly-face,
The bone-raven's bosom and the nature of a pig,
The mouth of a catfish and the badger's stench,
Splay feet, heels full of kibes,
The legs of a heron, the lobster's breast,
Festering, scaly, watering eyes--
With inches of bardic satire
I measure you from your brow to your heel
And, you slave, I flay your hide off you
Because you have defamed me, the bold dark Moidartman.
Again, translation credit to Ronald Black. I only changed the last line to put in a phrase Alasdair assigned to himself, instead of the original (better metered) *an Caimbeullach dhubh*, the Black Campbell.
Fun detail, my two are subtly related. Alasdair MacMhaighstir Alasdair fostered Alexander Ruadh's nephew (this is the Glengarry chief and spy), and both men were Captains under Prince Charles, so certainly knew each other.
Comment by CowMechanic at 02/04/2020 at 16:20 UTC
5 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Whoever makes a podcast version of these is my hero
Comment by big_bufo at 02/04/2020 at 18:27 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
These were hilarious to read and honestly the fresh perspective helped me to learn a lot I didn't know before! I'd love to read an entire book written like this, it was extremely entertaining. Thanks everyone for such wonderful submissions, these really were a joy to read.