https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1iiva3p/should_i_send_that_text/
created by TownWhich7319 on 06/02/2025 at 05:26 UTC*
14 upvotes, 34 top-level comments (showing 25)
Me (23F)and my best friend (23F)had a falling out in 2021.
It's been a couple years and I feel like l've grown and become a different person and l've always thought about the way things ended with her and it didn't sit right with me. It’s like there was never any closure.
I need advice as to whether I should shoot a message saying something, but I'm not sure because it's been a while.
I’m worried that this is stupid. Should I just find a way to let it go or say something. What do you guys think?
Comment by Creative-Jump-7736 at 06/02/2025 at 05:33 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Not sure how the falling out happened but if you feel like you have genuinely changed (I’m sure you have it’s been 4 years) then I’d say go for it. If she doesn’t give a response that sucks but can’t do much about it!
Comment by idwytkwiaetidkwia at 06/02/2025 at 05:33 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
send it - regardless of how well it goes it will bring you closer to closure
though, I guess it depends on what the falling out was about... if you did something that hurt her very badly, maybe you don't want to reopen the wound
Comment by CCubed17 at 06/02/2025 at 05:53 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Please send it. There are so many people I desperately wish I would get a text like that from.
The worst possible outcome is things stay the way they are now
Comment by NEWGODZ77 at 06/02/2025 at 05:27 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
U got it trust
Comment by LovelyBirch at 06/02/2025 at 05:31 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
If it's a constant thought you have, and you think it's going to make you feel better about the situation, then yes, send that text.
Comment by mugglecatlady at 06/02/2025 at 05:47 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Reach out. You may get rejected but that's much better than holding regret or guilt over the falling out.
Comment by LightbringerUK at 06/02/2025 at 06:31 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Send it, you obviously want to. I waited 5+years to send that message and soooo glad I did, we speak every day
Comment by Regular_Raisin_8541 at 06/02/2025 at 05:29 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Unless the falling out was over something major then go for it
Comment by Background_Zebra9422 at 06/02/2025 at 05:36 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I wouldn't advise digging up the past, given you've changed it's likely she has too and possibly not in the way you would have liked.
Comment by Sea-Boss-8371 at 06/02/2025 at 05:42 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Are you suggesting contacting her just to smooth over the way you split? It might come off as unnecessarily hurtful to contact her without wanting to be friends again.
Do you want to apologize? Better to do that in a letter/email.
Is your conversation likely to turn into rehashing the split or even the entire friendship? Skip it.
Comment by One-Guest1998 at 06/02/2025 at 05:44 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
The worst that could happen is that they say no. If they don't want to reconcile that's on them.
Comment by ClassroomImpossible5 at 06/02/2025 at 05:45 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Some things are just better left alone
Comment by PissbabyMcShitass at 06/02/2025 at 05:57 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Closure is a myth and whatever closure you're asking is purely of self interest and for selfish reasons. She's already moved in and is fully adjusted into a completely new rhythm of life. So consider this before you go disrupting it thinking you're doing her a favor.
Comment by sicckarri at 06/02/2025 at 06:05 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Man you don’t want to live in regret. The worst thing that can happen is nothing. Always shoot your shot. You miss all the shots you don’t take.
Comment by sffood at 06/02/2025 at 06:12 UTC
1 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Kind of depends on why you had the falling out.
But if you can get closure by sending it — send. If your closure depends on her responding — let it go.
Comment by Facefuckingisfun69 at 06/02/2025 at 06:13 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Send it. If you and her were best friends, then I'm sure she too had been thinking about whatever it was that caused the friction. She may be wanting to repair things. She may not. But you sending something will make you feel better. Took a couple of years but at least you made the effort to try to fix things And that's honestly the best you can do until she responds back if you send something
But at least you know that you yourself tried, which will count for a lot.
Comment by nowitallmakessense at 06/02/2025 at 06:14 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I think sending a message would be good. You have nothing to lose and all to gain. Do you know what you want to say yet?
Comment by Darkdove2020 at 06/02/2025 at 06:19 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It depends, why ask a question and provide so little detail? Did you fall out over what's the best band or that you slept with their boyfriend, dad and extended family? Context can be important.
Comment by ScudSlug at 06/02/2025 at 06:27 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Depends if you want to reconcile or reignite the feud.
If it's to reconcile do it.
Comment by jdbtensai at 06/02/2025 at 06:34 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Send it
Comment by Most_Play3246 at 06/02/2025 at 06:50 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I reached out to a former best friend I fell out with and she never reached back- but it let me know that she was never really invested in the friendship- only what it could do for her. I’m 48 now. I keep my circle small af.
Comment by highkneesprain at 06/02/2025 at 06:51 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
keep it the way it is
Comment by Ok_Touch928 at 06/02/2025 at 06:52 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I will be the opposite of most of the advice. Don't send it. It's been a couple years, water under the bridge, and look forward instead of back. What can of worms and you did this and she did that conversation do you want to have? What if sending the text and the possible subsequent conversation ends up creating more pain or consternation than now? Let sleeping dogs lie.
Comment by Specific_Clue1428 at 06/02/2025 at 06:59 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Do it, don't live with regrets, it's probably all water under a bridge at this point.
Comment by elgarraz at 06/02/2025 at 07:09 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Sure, as long as you aren't trying to resolve what happened back then. I would either apologize if appropriate, or if not then just say something like "let's just move on"