https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1iipg02/my_ex_wont_leave_me_alone_ahhh/
created by macha_lovee on 06/02/2025 at 00:23 UTC
29 upvotes, 33 top-level comments (showing 25)
So, hi I guess. Newbie here, first time using Reddit. I’ve come across some Reddit posts on Google and thought I’d reach out for some advice. Ahhh… it feels awkward to write this. I’m 24 (F), and my ex is 27 (M). We started dating when I was 18 and he was 21, and we were together for 5 years and 4 months before breaking up 8 months ago. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but we were happy and had a lot of fun together. He works as a mechanic at an auto service center, and I’ve been working as a model in the beauty and fashion since I was 16. I also do brand promotions online .
When I first met his 2yr niece early in our relationship, he asked me how I felt about having babies. I told him I thought babies were cute, but I didn’t want to give birth or become a mother. He said he loved babies, wanted to be a father, and want to have his own someday. I said, “Okay, that’s nice,” and didn’t think much of it.
as our relationship went on, he started talking more about having kids, saying things like, ‘Our baby would be so cute,’ and ‘I want to take our baby camping, fishing, and hiking. It’d be fun to teach them how to fix cars, work on engines, and do more outdoor activities.” I told him that sounded nice, but I also made it clear that I didn’t feel ready for a child because we were still young. I was scared of childbirth, and I was honest about my fear of mistreating a child because I don’t know how to take care of a baby , I’m an only child and never had younger siblings.
He was harsh. He called me selfish for not wanting kids as a woman and even asked if I was scared of getting fat or stretch marks, calling me shallow. Things got worse when he started hiding my BC pills. He also refused to wear condoms during sex, and we would get into arguments. He became more controlling , telling me what to wear, preventing me from going out with friends, and insisting I quit modeling, stay at home, and get married. Since my work sometimes involved working with male models, he became even more jealous and would yell at me.
He constantly sent me baby videos on Instagram, showed me TikTok videos, and when we go to store he took me to the kids section to show me children clothes almost as if trying to pressure me into having a child.
After putting up with this for too long, I broke up with him 8 months ago. I told him, “If having a baby is that important to you, maybe you should find someone who wants that too. We clearly want different things in life.” He got angry, saying I ruined everything and that he wasted his years on me.
Now, after months of no contact, he’s been texting me from different numbers (since I’ve blocked him everywhere) and even showed up at my house on 24Jan, apologizing and asking for another chance to start over. I told him no, and he got angry again, calling me names. Since 27Jan he’s been leaving flowers outside my door every day. At first, I just left them outside, hoping he’d stop, but he kept bringing more, and they started piling up at my door. It was getting ridiculous, so I throw them away in the trash.
I’m so fed up and uncomfortable, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve thought about filing a report for harassment and stalking, but I don’t want to make things worse. I’m just so frustrated. I told some friends about the situation, and they all said I should report him. Can anyone give me advice on how to make him leave me alone without causing more drama????
Comment by Rod_Erectus at 06/02/2025 at 00:44 UTC
38 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Nothing changes behavior like a call from a cop.
Comment by Puzzled-Stage-3104 at 06/02/2025 at 01:09 UTC
16 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I can tell you from experience, if ignoring them doesn’t work in the first couple months you need to report him. There’s just nothing else you can do that isn’t legally sus at best. Report him and talk to an officer and get their advice. You will get through this.
Comment by BaoBao06 at 06/02/2025 at 00:33 UTC
8 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Your lack of response to him should have made it clear to him by now that you aren’t interested. I would personally go through with filing some sort of report, either try to get a restraining order or a peace order if you don’t want to go that far. You could also start with sending a cease and desist letter essentially asking him to stop and maybe get through to him with that but it’s not a guarantee. If at any point you think your safety may be at risk do not wait to act on it
Comment by JaiDoubleyou at 06/02/2025 at 01:33 UTC
10 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Report to the police!!! Get a restraining order. If you don't THAT will make things worse! Go. Now!
I'm very glad you left this relationship. Never look back.
Comment by LetMeEatShrimp at 06/02/2025 at 01:39 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Get a ring camera. Get a dash cam. Alert your friends, coworkers, family, etc. about him. Video him (secretly if you can) if you have any encounters with him or see him at your front door. He’s probably just getting started. Document as much as you can and make sure the police have him on their radar.
Comment by Tess27795 at 06/02/2025 at 01:18 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Document every contact he makes with you. You may not want to report him but you may have to.
Do not talk to him, any contact could encourage him. Make sure your friends and family know what is happening.
However, if it continues for months, you are going to have to take appropriate action and go to the police.
Comment by dina_sau at 06/02/2025 at 01:23 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Document and report to polixe
Comment by Pcbarn77 at 06/02/2025 at 01:33 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Restraining Order who knows if the situation might turn violent For your safety and peace of mind
Comment by tcrhs at 06/02/2025 at 01:38 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It is time for a restraining order.
Comment by Ok_Passage_6242 at 06/02/2025 at 02:40 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Please, please file a police report. If he escalates, you need a paper trail a paper trail is the only way that gets anything else done. You don’t automatically get a restraining order you have to prove a pattern. That means it’s also up to you to collect evidence so if you can get a ring doorbell, a camera for your car if he calls Something for you to record conversations with. Don’t block him but mute the conversation so you can collect those text as evidence. I know this sounds stupid and redundant, but make sure that you tell him exactly that Nothing has changed you no longer want him around you. He doesn’t have your permission to contact you about anything or come to your house for any reason. Again, it’s to establish a pattern for the evidence. The other thing is if you can get an IUD where you’re at right now look at getting an IUD. And I would not be going any place alone he may be able to find you.
Comment by Traditional-Ad2319 at 06/02/2025 at 02:03 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Please report him he's escalating.
Comment by Adept_Tension_7326 at 06/02/2025 at 02:06 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Find some attractive, wide hipped women who want to stay home and have babies and sic ‘em on him!
Comment by Far_Salary_4272 at 06/02/2025 at 02:15 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This is a problem that you have to be very deliberate in handling. You should not be having any contact with him whatsoever. Not to say “no.” Not to say “stop calling or sending flowers.” No engagement period.
I have some experience with this. If you want to chat feel free to message me. Zero contact. Restraining order is your next step.
Comment by Bastique165 at 06/02/2025 at 02:28 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Change your number.. Maybe it's high time to think of leaving the city where you live and start elsewhere. Maybe it will jumpstart your career even more.
Comment by Tryin-to-Improve at 06/02/2025 at 02:53 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I’d personally just change my number and move. I’d still file a report and get a ring doorbell so there’s recording of him continuing to do this mess.
Comment by Alycion at 06/02/2025 at 04:07 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
You can’t make him leave you alone without causing more drama. You need to go to the police and report him. Take pics if he leaves more flowers. Record shy conversations you may have. Keep screenshots.
I dated an unhinged one like this before meeting my husband. It hit worse when he found out that I was dating someone. I was living in the middle of nowhere temporarily, in the mountains. He tried rubbing me off the road where the drop was pretty far. Fortunately, telling him I was going to report him and tell work (I worked at a local tv station, and it’d make a good story) he backed off. I also had a special forces friend from where I grew up that kind of made a show that he wasn’t going to put up with it.
People like this can turn dangerous, so need to be treated as such as soon as the behavior starts. You’ve made it clear you aren’t interested. A person with good sense would leave it alone.
Comment by manlychoo at 06/02/2025 at 04:15 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Police. Restraining order. Carry mace or pepper spray at the minimum and possibly a gun. If you do, learn to use to protect yourself. Your ex has a mental health issues. And before anybody starts blasting me, I am sick and fucking tired of reading and hearing about men doing this to women. Tired of reading about mistreatment, abuse, stalking, assault and rape. A no is a no and men MUST understand this. Take care young lady.
Comment by Zealousideal_Equal_3 at 06/02/2025 at 02:20 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Document that you’ve asked him to stop. If he continues after you’ve documented your request it’s time for a personal harassment filing.
Comment by mumtaz2004 at 06/02/2025 at 03:10 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I’m afraid you may need a restraining order. Your ex is off his rocker. You made it clear that you were nowhere ready for kids, and might not ever be. Instead of accepting that, he tried to manipulate and force you to want children. Hiding your BC and refusing to use condoms? That’s too much. Wrong on so many levels. Nothing about this situation sounds good. You’re smart to know what you do and don’t want, and what are your limitations-don’t lose those for anyone else! I think the others are right about calling the police. Document the harassment and file a police report. Be aware of your surroundings, don’t go places alone if you can avoid it, consider a home security system if you don’t yet have one. If you didn’t already change your locks and PINs, please do so immediately! Best of luck.
Comment by FriendshipPure6269 at 06/02/2025 at 03:19 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Please get a doorbell camera or something. I am concerned that something could happen to you when your ex escalates. Also, in addition to filing a police report, consider reaching out to your local DV shelter (or find a support group online) so that you have a safe place to discuss your trauma. You need more support than Reddit can offer, at least in this sub (there might be a sub for victims of stalking, I haven’t looked).
Please try to stay safe, and consider exploring what resources are available in your area. (Again, a local women’s shelter should know your state laws, as well as having more information on the resources available in your area,)
Comment by Young_Old_Grandma at 06/02/2025 at 03:31 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
There's this very lovely thing called ✨police report✨
Comment by Acrobatic_Reality103 at 06/02/2025 at 03:36 UTC
1 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Please do everything people have said. I will also add, make sure you are never in a position that he could kidnap you. Depending on where you live, you may not have many rights if he rapes you and you become pregnant. If you are in the US, move to a state where they respect a woman's right to choose what happens to her body. Please update us
Comment by bino0526 at 06/02/2025 at 03:38 UTC
1 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Save all text messages, especially the ones where you asked him to leave you alone. Take them to the police to start a paper trail and file a complaint.
Check your car for trackers. Take it to a mechanic to make sure that there are none on your vehicle. As someone else said, get cameras around your home and in your car. Alert your job. Vary your routine such as when you leave for work, the route you take, when you get home even the stores where you shop. Make it hard for him to know where you will be. If possible, move to a different place.
Take care of yourself and be safe. Don't worry about getting him in trouble. No one can protect you but you.
Updateme
Comment by MjolnirsBrokenHandle at 06/02/2025 at 03:50 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Send him an official letter notifying him that if he attempts to either contact you or show up at your residence or places of work you will escalate to the police and a possible court order of protection.
Do not be afraid of escalating. The only way the authorities will know to protect you is if they are notified.
Comment by West-Fish-9396 at 06/02/2025 at 03:50 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Get cameras and evidence that he’s going to your residence, if he keeps calling or texting Then save the texts. Show all this to the police n possibly get an emergency restraining order