03/10/24
trying another attempt at getting myself off the internet! i'm trying to curb my "passive" online time. getting stuck in consuming and looking for things to consume and not finding anything satisfying - it's draining and such a mood sink. and such a trap, so difficult to tear away from to try to do Anything even if i have that impulse.
right now i'm trying to achieve that through time tracking. there are things i need the internet for that are exempt from the tracker, because i'm Doing Things - socializing, including watching movies and shows with people, gaming with people, banking stuff etc. even parts of social media count as proper Doing - when i'm replying, having conversations etc. But just scrolling out of boredom is on the timer.
today my morning glance through mastodon and tumblr, plus one youtube video added up to just over 1h. it's only 1pm and i do most of my passive stuff in the evenings so we'll see how it goes. i don't know what number i want to achieve, for now i'm getting a gauge on what it is. (and we all know that when you keep a record you're already skewing the data by trying to look better). i expect realistically it's like 8h a day... what do i ultimately want to aim for?? i think 2h of "fuck around doing nothing on the internet" is most realistic. but if i truly am around 8 i won't be trying for 2 straight away. maybe 6-7 at first. let's see what happens!
i know the hardest part about stopping something is not having things to replace it with, but i'm pretty sure i have things. i just need to get into a better habit of doing them. get used to reaching for them. currently that's catching up on chores, reading fiction, working on the peachtober challenge, engaging more with tarot, journaling, making other art (collage), language learning, meditation, nature walks. there's plenty! and a lot of it actually aligns with my values and has the potential to be truly satisfying if i let it. so i'll do my best to let it.
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(the observant reader might question why i'm doing this right after a whole post about needing to be gentle with myself and emotionally nourishing. i think this is the emotionally healing thing to do, the small rewards of passive internet consumption are completely drowned out by the negatives. and it's not a punitive thing. most of the other stuff is still very enjoyable, just more difficult to access with such an easy alternative pulling at me at all times. and i'm not completely prohibited, i think that's an important part, eliminating the temptation of a "forbidden" fruit).
