07/08/24
listening to: roller mobster - carpenter brut
ok, yes. it sucks. being a body in august. in a rooftop apartment, uninsulated, with aluminium single-pane windows. not being able to sleep from the heat, or the noise of the rackety ac unit in the one room that can accommodate it. from the mosquitoes getting in despite the bug-nets. the birds starting up at the ass-crack of dawn, just as you managed to close your eyes. and all the aches and pains - what do the tendons, muscles, and joints even want? shouldn't warmth be good for them? the mental and emotional well-being going down the drain the longer the physical torment persists. the exhaustion exasperating the inertia. and august is almost autumn, it feels even worse to be looking forward to relief, which might come much much later in reality.
but you can't just wait it out. same as you don't want to wait forever with important decisions, because you might never feel ready enough, better just make them and fiddle with details later. same as you don't want to wait for inspiration to sit down and make some art, that is not a reliable art practice. i know it's harder with these very physical conditions, but you're not going to forfeit 1/12 of your life. and what next, the climate keeps changing and we're going to just lay there suffering for 1/6 of the year? 1/3? no. even if it's in a more limited capacity, we'll try to live. to have something to show for these shitty days.
a conversation, a collage, a library book read and returned. a meal. it all counts. beauty is still there to appreciate. and you can still make a difference in the world, somebody's world, even with small actions. onward!
