Lately I've been in a "blogging mood", meaning I have a lot in my mind and the best way I have to cope with this is to write about it everywhere I can speak my mind on the sites that I frequent.
Today I was reading Rachel Pollack's book "A walk through the fores of souls", and I decided to do a Tarot reading to ask the big issue that's been on my mind the last few days. From the book I got the idea of making a custom spread with a number of questions meant to poke the issue from different angles. The individual cards did a somewhat good job in answering the questions addressed to the specific positions where they showed up, though some of them were less than clear, and in fact one of them, in central position, seemed to give me an answer diametrically opposite to what seems to be the reality. Altogether, the spread as a whole seemed to lack unity.
So I decided to reshuffle and ask again, now with the usual simple (7-card) celtic cross that I always use, and to make my inquiry a single, wide-scope kind of question, the way I usually do. The result was altogether more coherent. Interestingly, two cards from the previous spread appeared again in this one, two which in particular seem to point at the crux of the issue. I think I benefited from making both readings, and I might want to try this double spread again in future inquiries.
Here is a little rundown of some of the cards that appeared to me and my interpretation of them. In some cases, I have no definite interpretation, and their significance is still open to question.
It's kind of strange, seeing the hanged man facing you "upright", that is, not inverted as he usually is. My first thought was that I was looking at things as if they were of a certain nature, while in reality, they are upside down. I look at the hanged man as a normal person, but I can see that at the bottom his foot is tied to a pole, and he is unable to move, and what seems to be normality is actually the world upside down and bound.
I was intrigued, and looked up the interpretation of the card in a book by Gail Fairfield. It says something about waiting to be ready for the right time. This is particularly significant, because yesterday I asked the Changes (the I Ching), and the very same theme showed up in the question. Altogether it left me wondering, should I actually keep my intention, and expect to come back to it when the time is right? More on that later.
This is the other major arcanum that showed up, this time on the second reading. Writing this I went back to Fairfield's book for an interpretation, and now it seems to clarify things. I'm working with a compelling force, an instinct of sorts which comes from my animal nature. The fact that it is inverted is interesting. Is this compelling force one that is misguided, or is it me who is rejecting that compelling force that moves me to action?
The top and bottom positions of the celtic cross I usually interpret as the conscious and subconscious mind. At the bottom I see the 3 of swords, depicted by a man apparently grieving among some caskets. At the top, I think it was the 9 of wands, which in my deck shows a couple of figures, each pointing in an opposite direction. Both cards were inverted. The meaning is pretty much clear, I have some sort of guilt, or grievances, about the whole issue that led me to making this spread. Perhaps both the inverted hanged man and strenght are the external aspects of this underlying grievance that is not allowing me to see things straight, and that result in my natural responses being upturned. Perhaps I need to remove the trepidations and the learned guilt that I've come to associate with this primal force that I'm experiencing. On top, of course, the conflict reveals itself as my will against the will of... nature? society? Where I need to head against where I am "supposed" to. The fact that both also came up inverted suggests to me that this is misguided. How do I get rid of that, though? What kind of work do I need to do to remove from myself the misgivings I have with regards to the issue at hand?
The king of wands showed up in both spreads, also inverted. I think I haven't been able to live up to my masculine energy because of these trepidations, or that I have been misinterpreting what it means to be a man in the first place. Part of the question addressed my masculinity, more specifically, how I interpret such masculinity in myself and in others. I think those masculine energies is that which I am aiming for, but I have been focusing on the wrong side of things.
One of the questions was specifically about masculinity, and I got 7 of cups. The imagery of this particular card was that of 7 cups and 7 mirrors, each mirror showing a different image. How do I interpret that in regards to masculinity? Is it the multifold aspects of masculinity, or is it the potentialities of what it means to be a man? The card, too, was inverted. Maybe I was just holding my deck in the wrong position? :-)
Writing this helps to clarify things somewhat, but I guess I still need to ponder things for a while.
I usually consult the Changes, but today I thought Tarot might give me a different kind of answer, and I've been consulting the Changes a lot these days, I wanted a 'different' approach this time. It was interesting to note the contrast between these two methods of divination.
On one hand, the Changes seem to give a rather straightforward answer, usually in somewhat imperative terms: it is beneficial to cross the great river, it is not good to go anywhere. Tarot, on the other hand, is like a mirror. It doesn't pass a judgement on things, or a very clear-cut kind of answer, instead, it just seems to reflect the content of my mind (and my spirit!) in regards to the issue I am asking about. One seems to give advice, the other seems to show me what's inside.
Another difference is that the Changes is actually written text, whereas Tarot consists of pictures. I guess that plays into the first difference I mentioned. Also, the Changes gives you one hexagram, a few remarks on changing lines, and then another hexagram, which may be interpreted as further commentary. With tarot, you get as many different answers as cards in your spread. Tarot seems a lot more open-ended and dynamic, while Changes seems a lot more straightforward.
The general trend seems to be to wait, but not to give up. After I've done my work, perhaps the time will come again where I will see things more clearly, when I will be in a better position to act out my desires. What do I do in the mean time? I am still assaulted by the same feelings as before, but perhaps I can take it easy, and not feel compelled to take action just yet. When will the time come for action? I think it will manifest itself of it's own accord, after all, I am in the middle of a process, and when that process reaches maturity, I am hoping that things will be different, and the situation may change. For now, patience.