2024-10-14
A lot of attention is paid, often in retrospect, to the experience of the first times in our lives. The first laugh; the first kiss; the first day at your job[1]. But for every first, there must inevitably be a last.
I recall a moment when I was... perhaps the age our eldest child is now. As I listened to the bats in our garden, my mother told me about how she couldn't hear them as clearly as she could when she was my age. The human ear isn't well-equipped to hear that frequency that bats use, and while children can often pick out the sounds, the ability tends to fade with age.
This recollection came as I stayed up late the other month to watch the Perseids. I lay in the hammock in our garden under a fabulously clear sky as the sun finished setting, and - after being still and quiet for a time - realised that the local bat colony were out foraging for insects. They flew around and very close to me, and it occurred to me that I couldn't hear them at all.
There must necessarily have been a "last time" that I heard a bat's echolocation. I remember a time about ten years ago, at the first house in Oxford of Ruth, JTA and I (along with Paul), standing in the back garden and listening to those high-pitched chirps. But I can't tell you when the very last time was. At the time it will have felt unremarkable rather than noteworthy.
First times can often be identified contemporaneously. For example: I was able to acknowledge my first time on a looping rollercoaster at the time: the Tower of Terror at Camelot, circa 1994.
Last times are often invisible at the time. You don't see the significance of the everyday and routine except in hindsight.
I wonder what it would be like if we had the same level of consciousness of last times as we did of firsts. How differently might we treat a final phone call to a loved one or the ultimate visit to a special place if we knew, at the time, that there would be no more?
Would such a world be more-comforting, providing closure at every turn? Or would it lead to a paralytic anticipatory grief: "I can't visit my friend; what if I find out that it's the last time?"
[1] While watching a wooden train toy jiggle down a length of string, reportedly; Sarah Titlow, behind the school outbuilding, circa 1988; and five years ago this week, respectively.