“this city destroys us. we're in too deep. it turns us into dating machines instead of loving humans. always looking for someone else, more attractive, more interesting, more intriguing, more exciting. we're all too far gone into this world of 'not enough', and then we wonder why we can't find love."

that's what M and i spoke about in ray's as the clock struck midnight. she is ten years my senior, lives a very different life than mine, yet we're in similar spots in our approach to love: tired of searching, open to all, open to anyone who is willing to love, the hard way.

we played pool for a few hours then walked, sat on a bench below cooper union and talked, and she ended up pensive after all that discussion. not in a bad way. her optimism is unyielding, and i respect it.

walking by all of the people at bars and nightclubs, i feel the same as i usually do: jealous, a little bit, wondering what i'm doing with my life.

then, i remember that many people on the other side of the ropes are wondering the same thing.