What do you think makes for a good player at the table?
I’ve written about this before:
As a player I wish to have more conversations about other players’ characters. – 2020-12-18 Player skill
How obnoxious was I on a scale from zero to unbearable? … There’s a special thing about people that are socially awkward in subtle ways. Their jokes aren’t funny. The references they make are too nerdy. They don’t have a feel for the ebb and flow of conversation and attention, so they’ll butt in when somebody else is talking, or continue talking when the referee is wanting to push the story on, or argue for a detail nobody cares about. – 2015-01-11 Player Types
What I really enjoy is players who get excited when they’re thinking of the next session, players who’re sad if they have to miss a session, players who tell other people about the funny things they did, the terrible things that happened. Player engagement is intoxicating, infectious. – 2012-12-11 Player Engagement
In this post I’m going to talk about the obstacles to self-improvement, and then about the following opportunities for self-improvement: to be quick, to interact with other players, to communicate enthusiasm, and to make plans. Some of this might be repeat…
I suspect that self-improvement on these issues is hard. If it were easy, we would have done so already. The difficulty arises from various aspects: it’s hard to recognise our own faults and weaknesses; we don’t have a culture of constructive criticism where we can say what we miss in other people and I don’t see how we could start that; some of these things are character traits and I fear those are pretty fixed – people either don’t want to change them because they provide a sense of self (“I’m smart, I make optimal decisions”), changing them would feel like turning into a different person (“I am talkative, to be quiet would mean being somebody I’m not”), or people cannot change them because they cannot control it (“I can’t help that I’m shy”).
Where I work, we sometimes talk about how to talk to clients, how to make presentations. And sometimes I feel my peers could improve – and surely they see lots of things I could do better, too. But when is the right moment for this conversation, and how do you start? The only situation I’ve found was on the drive home from a meeting, or the next coffee break. “How did it go? Maybe we should have been more assertive… Yeah, we should have stopped that guy from derailing the conversation…” Stuff like that. At some point after the game, before packing up, before leaving or hanging up? I somehow failed to get something like that going in our games. We always run late, and then it’s time to go, sleep is calling…
All of this to say that I don’t know what to do with the list. You can read it, and nod along, and then perhaps wonder about one or two items, asking yourself: is this me? Is this how I come across to other people? This is where I’m at. Self doubt as a first step to improvement. If, on the other hand, you read the list and think you know a player that annoys you because of one of the points, I don’t know. What do you do: tell them? I’m pretty conflict averse, to be honest. Typically I’d make a joke or two, see who laughs along and who nods, see if that gets them thinking, and if things don’t improve… look around, I guess. Start a new campaign, find another group, enthusiastically invite this one back in, don’t mention the new game to the other player, which is a nice (not really) way of saying: find different players.
Anyway. The things I like and dislike about players, and how to hopefully improve as a player.
I don’t like players that take a long time. Players that don’t know their spells and have to read them before deciding to cast one. Players that do not roll all their dice at once. Players that are slow to add up their numbers. People that cannot decide what kind of action they need to do.
The solutions would seem to be: play a different class with abilities that are easier to run. Pick a fighter, not a wizard. That’s why I like games where not all the character classes have spell-like abilities. It’s good to have a simple fighter for players that don’t want to deal with too many rules.
Switch to different rules and settings that are easier to run, overall. Pick B/X D&D instead of D&D 5E. Favour games with a lower page count: less stuff to read, less stuff to remember, the few rules you do need are easier to find.
Buy more dice that allow colour matching – pick the colours to match the difficulty you’re having: if you can’t quickly tell a d12 from a d20, or a d8 from a d10, then have them colour coded (mine: d4 is orange, d6 is yellow, d8 is green, d10 is blue, d12 is purple, d20 is black); colour coded dice also make it easy to teach somebody how to play (“roll a black and yellow one”); or have a matching attack dice and damage dice (“the red d20 goes with the red d8 of the sword, the black d20 goes with the black d6 dagger”).
Finally, make more reckless decisions. If the referee and the rules get you into terrible trouble for making reckless decisions you’re being trained to be slow and cautious. I don’t like a game were we’re all being slow and cautious, so talk about this. There needs to be more forgiving of mistakes, either by the referee (more clues to the presence of traps or deadly enemies ahead), or by the rules (flashback scenes in Forged in the Dark games, or negotiating the consequences before dice are rolled).
So yes, roll all the dice at once, and be prepared, and know your spells, and write down the common combos you’ll be using, but also: be prepared to play a simpler class and be prepared to play with simpler rules.
I like players that interact with me and so I try to interact with other players. This is a skill similar to making small talk. The important parts are: address somebody else and say something to which they can react in different ways; giving them a choice is the important part. An easy way to do this is to ask an open question. “Chirin, you are our fighter. What do you suggest?” Or: “Ladra ties back their sleeves, draws the magic dagger, and begins the death dance of the crow folk. Chirin, are we ready?”
Sure, it puts the other player on the spot. But having spotlight is part of what I like about the game. If a player avoids the spotlight, I’m starting to wonder whether they’re even playing. It’s sad when I think to myself that I still don’t know what Chirin is like, as a character, because they never seem to do anything memorable. Sure, rolling the dice is also playing the game. But it’s not enough. A good player brings more to the table than dice and a character sheet.
And the small talk needs to continue: in your reply to such a prompt by a fellow player, don’t close the conversation. Don’t just have your character mumble, “Agreed.” Try to take that ball that was thrown to you and pass it on. When Chirin is asked for a suggestion: “They must be trying to lure us into an ambush. Ladra, can you sneak up onto that rock and take a peak from above?” Similarly, when Chirin is asked whether she’s ready: “Of course I am! Rony, when you shoot that first arrow, we’ll charge!”
The saddest moment after a game is when I talk to my wife and we don’t remember somebody’s character doing anything. As if the player hadn’t been there, or had only been there to roll dice and announce whether they hit or missed, or to tell us what spell they cast, using nothing but the spell names and the spell description from the book to communicate with us. This game can be better than a computer role-playing game!
I like mutual enthusiasm. When you’re excited, I’m excited. If you’re looking forward to the game, I’m looking forward to the game. I hate it when the game chat is silent.
I’m sad when I look around the table and see sad faces, people looking off into the distance, or scrolling on their phones. I know this is lame. Some people can’t focus all the time. Perhaps the game is slow. I understand that. But I wish for the game not to be slow! I wish for all the players to be in the scene! I wish for all the players pulling each other along! I’d rather play shorter sessions and have all that.
I’ve been in that situation. The game is slow. Or it’s all combat and I know exactly what I’ll do next round: find an enemy that’s in melee with a team mate and shoot them. There is no decision to make. A calculator could play this game. Well, at least this fight. And perhaps that fight drags on and on. My point is, there are no social interactions to make, and there are no game decisions of importance to make. It’s a game on auto-pilot. This does not capture my enthusiasm.
So what are the solutions, here? Surely, the first order of business is to be the change I want to see. Post on the game chat and tell people how excited I am. Tell the referee how I’m looking forward to the next game, tell them how I’m happy about the last game. This is something I need to work on, for sure.
But also: if the fight takes too long, perhaps that’s because the rules make fights too long (too many hit-points?), or the referee is being compassionate but instead of a terrible end to the fight we get a terrible fight with no end (to paraphrase a German saying: “Lieber ein Ende mit Schrecken als ein Schrecken ohne Ende”) – use those “save or die” powers! Or use different rules if you cannot end the fight in twenty minutes, or three rounds, or within whatever limits you want to set yourself.
I like players with plans. Plans are about the future. Plans use what is given, the setting, what we’ve discovered while playing the game, and focus the attention of everybody on concrete goals. Plans allow the referee to add to the world the more we look; plans allow the referee to set up an opposition, to throw up obstacles; the adventure happens as we struggle against the opposition and beat those obstacles. The game happens right there!
Conversely, I don’t like backstory too much. Write a backstory for yourself, if you must. When I’m a referee, I’ll read your backstory and I’ll probably forget about it once the game starts. You must make plans based on that backstory and put them forward at the table, and then it works. If you just write a backstory, you’re writing about the past. It’s irrelevant to the here and now. It generates no adventure. On the contrary, it generates memory load: we have to remember it. Or worse: the referee reads it, prepares something half a dozen sessions later, and then has to remind you of the backstory you wrote because you forgot. This is sadness.
When I write some backstory for my characters, the same thing happens. That job as caravan guard, that escape to the west, the slavers, the second escape, the previous adventuring party and how it failed, all of that makes no difference whatsoever at the table. And when I look at the campaign wiki page of my character and see all that, there’s a wry smile on my lips. I should have known! I can’t just look at my character’s past and enjoy the idea of it. Bringing a backstory to bear on the game right now, right here is hard work. It’s harder than it looks and it takes more than writing it: it needs a plan, and energy to drive it forward.
All of the above is obviously coloured by my own experience. I’m talkative. Perhaps I’m prone to suggesting actions to others when I feel they are undecided. I think I’m helping but perhaps other people think I’m bossing them around, putting them under pressure, stressing them out, leaving them no time to think, no time to enjoy the moment… I don’t know. You should write your own list and somehow make it possible for others to find it.
#RPG
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Yes! There are so many posts on being a better DM and so few on being a better player, all good advice.
Reckless decisions create the best memories.
– Tom H 2021-08-13 22:42 UTC
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You are certainly not bossing people around or stressing them out. As the DM, I like it when some of the players help to move the party along or come to a decision.
How the be a better player is really tricky on the active side of things (not passive things like paying attention or not stealing the show of others). After a long time as a forever DM, I had a lot of ideas and even standard quotes and phrases in my head for my character in Mircea’s campaign. But then I rarely used any of it. Maybe it’s because of the 5-6 player groups and online gaming, which both makes it harder to find the right opporunity to let your PC shine and interact with other PC. Or it’s because we fall more into standard tactical gaming CRPG style and kind of forget about roleplaying. I am also getting this feeling of blocking to much bandwith in the video chat when I describe my characters actions and words in too much detail. Probably easier to do it on the side at a real table.
– Peter 2021-08-22 10:00 UTC
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Yes, video chat is not helping. Both for funny comments, or in-character moments that are not 100% about moving the action forward, there’s always that nagging feeling that just maybe we’re wasting time, as other people want to talk and there can only be one person talking. This is one of the reasons that makes me think perhaps online games need fewer players, but I’m not sure.
– Alex 2021-08-22 10:58 UTC
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When I lived in Britain, the one thing I wouldn’t like about a group was for them to leave me out without explanation. I’d much rather them told me what they didn’t like about me. Not that it happened often, because people loved me, mind you.
– Enzo 2021-08-28 19:17 UTC
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Of course. 😁
The few times I did hear about what they liked it was always things that I did not change, so I guess I figured: if I’m not going to change, and they’re willing to leave because of that, then leaving is the best decision and I don’t need to know the details. In fact, whenever I knew why people left, we had long email exchanges about splat books, or an emotionally draining moment at the table, so it was obvious why people left. Some others gave reasons one cannot argue with: kids, family, commute, that kind of thing. The only thing that I didn’t like was people just disappearing on me. That simply felt impolite, to me. And in Switzerland, saving face is important…
– Alex 2021-08-28 19:44 UTC