2020-10-21 Saving friends and family

I was recently talking with @dredmorbius and @Sandra on Mastodon. It all started with the Sophistical Refutations by Aristotle.

@dredmorbius

@Sandra

Sophistical Refutations (Aristotle)

The Art of Being Right (Schopenhauer)

With the pandemic I’ve seen elements of COVID-idiocy in society. Sadly, I’ve also seen elements of it amongst friends and family online. I’m not on Facebook anymore, but my wife is, and sometimes she shows me stuff people are posting, and I’m despairing.

It’s the the typical mix:

But what’s next? The state is trying to enslave us? The WHO is trying to enslave us? Bill Gates is trying to implant us with a chip? Who is trying to control us: rich people? Bankers? Jews? When does it end? No, the problem is that the right-wing extremists are going to be our friends all the way, encouraging us every step of the way, until we’ll finally join their cause. We start out protesting the wearing of masks because we don’t like it, we’ll continue to protest our enslavement by the state, we’re angy because of the 1% exploiting us, and then we’ll put nazis in power that are going to enslave us, and exploit us, like they did in the 20th century. They haven’t stopped trying and they’ve seen an opening: the pandemic and our dislike of it.

So, how are you fighting this disinformation? My own suspicion can be subsumed under the heading “these people need a friend, not an argument.” It includes the need for time and patience, but also the need to agree and bond on other things, first; to build trust; like student and teacher, like parents and children, moving through life together, at least for a while. In our society, we don’t often have time for it. Our loneliness destabilises us, makes us vulnerable – and unable to help.

I think what we can all agree on is that “more speech” seems unable to counter false news and conspiracies. The trouble is what concrete measures to draw from this. From what I’ve seen in the struggle for friends and family is that we react when it is too late. So now I make side channel emotional appeals: “Noooo, X, why did you share this on Facebook? I watched the clip and it’s not wrong but did you see who else comments on this guy’s messages? Reichsbürger and all sorts of other idiots! Don’t shares this, pleaaaaasse!!” It’s designed to make people laugh, and learn. Another example is to change the topic to something we share in common: “Nice pictures of a walk you’ve shared! Going for a walk is sooo much better than all the anger on Facebook. 🧘 🧘 🧘 Don’t focus on what makes you angry, X. Let’s meet one of these days and go for a walk. See the trees. See the river. See the birds. I’d love to do that.”

Increasingly, I’m starting to think that even this may not be enough. I don’t like making phone calls, but perhaps that’s what I need to do: to be a better friend.

I also suspect that replying to conspiracy posts with an argument is problematic for a different reason: the focus on single issues is a form of “solutionism”. If somebody believes Turkish immigrants are “bildungsfern” (Sarrazin) then I don’t think talking about the details of the situation is going to change their opinion. More information about the immigration, the social strata, the job situation, lack of accreditation of qualifications, language barriers, is not going to help. There is not easy “solution” to disinformation, there is no program to execute. What is required of us is a holistic approach to stronger interpersonal bonds, resilience building, working towards a healthier society.

​#Social Media ​#Philosophy

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And I’ve fallen into the trap again. Instead of calling somebody, I wrote a long reply, talking about the pandemic being something we all dislike but no amount of wishing is going to make it go away. Instead we must be responsible adults and deal with reality as it presents itself, that is: stay at home if we can, wear masks if we cannot; to let go of the belief that masks are there to enslave us because surgeons aren’t enslaved either; to not like or share such messages on Facebook because the algorithm is going to serve us more of the same, thinking that we like it, trying to maximise our attention; recommending that they watch The Social Dilemma, even if I disagree with the Silicon Valley boys now being asked for the solutions to the mess they have made instead of asking the critics that worked tirelessly in obscurity – and remain obscure because they’re no … Silicon Valley boys! But a good movie is better than no movie, I guess.

Anyway, what I’m trying to tell myself: Alex, pick up a phone every now and then for heaven’s sake and call your friends and family instead of writing a blog post. 😭

– Alex

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The idea of reaching out to people and forming friendships to better convince them of something is always a good idea, but I think it’s especially important in the present circumstances. I don’t think most anti-mask people start off thinking Bill Gates is trying to microchip them, but rather that they get there because they keep looking for excuses not to wear a mask or worry about the pandemic. The more reasonable arguments (it interferes with breathing, it’s just an overhyped flu) are also the easiest to disprove, so gradually they shift to more and more ridiculous theories until... I don’t think they’re too far gone or anything like that, but it gets exponentially harder to convince them that they’re being fooled.

But I think the reason people feel that way about this pandemic is because the way we’re supposed to fight it is by staying at home. Washing our hands, wearing masks, and keeping our distance are all easy to do, but it’s the not going out with friends or to your grandkid’s birthday or to in-person classes or work that drains people’s energy. We’re social creatures. In the opening to the Decameron, Bocaccio describes the people who tried to isolate themselves during the Black Death as “[tending] to a very barbarous conclusion”. We know that it’s the best way to fight this, but it’s also the antithesis of one of our deepest desires - to be around other people. So when people can’t find a way to disprove the usefulness of such measures, they try to find a way to disprove the necessity of them at all, but that would require scientists to be lying about the disease being dangerous, which would require a grand conspiracy, which is where we get people thinking that it’s being spread by 5G.

So reaching out isn’t just a better way to convince someone they’re wrong through getting them to listen, it probably also helps by easing the problems that push them to hold such beliefs in the first place. Suddenly the measures being put in place aren’t as scary as they were before, and sober heads can prevail. That, and it’s just a good way to cope with the general anxiety everyone’s feeling now.

– Malcolm 2020-10-21 17:50 UTC

Malcolm

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Yes, all of that!

I did call the person in question, and we had a long chat about the weather, the job situation, eating in restaurants, wearing masks, the injustice of lock-down measures if the state is unwilling to foot the bill. Even here in Switzerland, some people had a hard time getting their compensation; and it’s much worse in poorer countries. We talked about leftist governments failing to help the people and how disappointing that is, about the iron framework of the European Union, the need for reform, the state of health care in the US, the numbers of new infections in Switzerland and in the US, the upcoming elections in the US, and of a great many other things. It was a good phone call.

– Alex 2020-10-21 19:41 UTC